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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
Message Icon Topic: Urgent advice required, please. Post Reply Post New Topic
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mindyandmolly
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Quote mindyandmolly Replybullet Topic: Urgent advice required, please.
    Posted: 12 January 2014 at 1:28pm
Dear friends. I have clinically been tested, and have HSV 1, which is a communicable virus, and is life long.  In my life of 14 years, I have had sexual intercourse just once, and although it was protected sex, yet i believe thats how i got it. I have repented that day and will continue to do so till i die. Also as an individual, i have learned to cope up with my cold sores. one outbreak annually is what i get.

May Allah forgive me for my sins.

But my cry for help today is of a different nature. I am getting married to a very simple, and a very pious girl. The nikah has been done, the rukhsati is in one weeks time.  Both families are really happy about this, yet i have a pressure on my mind.  I dont want to give her my herpes. Although i have done a lot of research, yet its not in my control and at one point or the other, it will be transferred (God forbid). I havent discussed this with my bride to be, and i dont have the courage to bring it up. I feel that she will for life, avoid kissing me, or even avoid sex.  I am really worried about this, and as the time is running out, i have severe depressive streaks. Please give me any sound advice as i am currently hopeless.

Also, shes studying to be a doctor. Just for information.

Thanks. 
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Abu Loren
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 13 January 2014 at 2:45am
DO NOT MARRY HER. She is not worthy for you so save her life and leave her alone so she could marry somebody who is worthy to be her husband.

You should stay celibate and single until your condition is cured.

Keep praying and repenting to Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala for forgiveness and mercy.

Salaam
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Caringheart
 
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Quote Caringheart Replybullet Posted: 13 January 2014 at 11:14am
Originally posted by Abu Loren

DO NOT MARRY HER. She is not worthy for you so save her life and leave her alone so she could marry somebody who is worthy to be her husband.

You should stay celibate and single until your condition is cured.

Keep praying and repenting to Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala for forgiveness and mercy.

Salaam

Thank you Abu.  I really appreciate the decency of that answer.  I felt the same... every person about to get married deserves to know the truth about what they are getting in the marriage... then it is up to them whether or not they can accept to live with it, but there should be no deception.  He can either walk away saying nothing, or take his chances on telling her.  Either way at least he will be being honorable in the sight of God who sees and knows all.
Salaam and blessings to you,
Caringheart
Let us seek Truth together
Blessed be God forever
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sakeena2014
 
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Quote sakeena2014 Replybullet Posted: 15 January 2014 at 2:49am
salaam, okay i do not know what the above two posts are talking about but HSV 1 or 2 has not cure. i'm a physician.

now let me tell you this, i also have herpes, it comes out as cold sores; i got this from my mom, who gets cold sores; ive not been sexually active nor my husband outside of marriage; is that clear? you do not get herpes only from sex!

so as for your past life, my opinion tell her. as for your herpes, you haven't been clear whether it's genital or just of the mouth; it seems of your mouth, & it seems you are so guilty of your past deeds you've made it into that your cold sores as an STD.

now you can get herpes as an STD, it's more assc with HSV 2, but HSV 1 & 2 can intermix with presentations. the STD herpes,you usually get is via genitalia. if you know your previous partner (had in the genital area) had it then yes you got it as an STD. if your previous partner had it on her mouth, it's not exactly an STD. but yes that means you got it from your illicit relationship. the other way you can get it on your mouth, i do not want to say this but for medical purposes, if she had it on her genitalia & you gave her oral sex.

now as for other ways of getting it besides sex; sipping/drinking from the same cup as a friend, parent, or anyone else who has it on their lip….the way i got it from my mother

anyways, this is the medical point of view; i cannot give you an ethical point of view, i have no right to judge anyone; but at least medically if you are clear how you got it, then you are better informed on what you should do
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NABA
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Quote NABA Replybullet Posted: 16 January 2014 at 6:21am
I think u should marry only when ur condition is cured and ur age is nothing for marriage, if u say no to marriage with intention of saving a girl from disease, in Sha Allah Allah will reward u.Allah says in ch 2 v 216-u may like a thing which is bad for u u may hate a thing which is good for u, but Allah only knows what is good for u, Priority shud b ur tr8ment in Sha Allah will grant u a good life partner for u.i pray for ur speedy recovery.
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