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Humour
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : General : Humour
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rami
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Quote rami Replybullet Topic: Muslim jokes.
    Posted: 23 October 2005 at 4:53am
Bi ismillahir rahmanir raheem

assalamu alaikum

Did you hear the one about Jewish-Muslim comedy night? The rehearsals were going really well until the Jews occupied the Muslim half of the stage.
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A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not
an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.
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Here is the story of an Imam who got after Friday prayers and announced to the people:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
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The Imam of a masjid, who was also a father of two young children, was about to enter the majid to give the Khutbah (Friday sermon). Before he entered he reminded them to be quiet - especially when he is giving his khutbah.

He then asked his children, "And why is it necessary to be quiet during Jummah?"

Little Ahmed jumped up and yelled, "Because people are all sleeping!"
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An Imam was feeling bored one Friday and decided to take the day off away from the Masjid. He told the assistant Imam he wasn't feeling well and drove off. He stopped at a golf course about forty miles away (so that no one would know him.)

Up in Heaven, the angels were talking. One said to another, "He can just get away with that! This is wrong - Jummah is mandatory for him and he is an example for so many believers!" The other angel agreed but decided to wait to see how Allah would take care of him.

The Imam teed off on the first hole and suddenly, the wind picked up, blowing the ball right in the hole for a 420 yard hole-in-one.

The angels looked at each other in great surprise. One said, "Why did He do that??" The other realized the wisdom behind it and smiled...

"Who's he going to tell?"
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Did you hear the one about the first Muslim desi president?

At the inauguration somebody told his mother, "You must be very proud of your son," and she answered, "The president? He's alright. But his brother's a doctor!"
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An elderly lady was well-known for her Iman and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say Alhamdulilah "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by. Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer" Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "Alhamdulilah, Allah be praised!." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "ALHAMDULILAH WA SHUKRILLAH”. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!"
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One day in the South Pacific, a navy ship saw smoke coming an uncharted island. When they came close they saw 3 makeshift huts. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been ALONE on this island for more than five years!" The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see THREE huts." The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to the Masjid in another." "What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain. "I had a fight with the board, so I stopped going there."

Rasul Allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever knows himself, knows his Lord" and whoever knows his Lord has been given His gnosis and nearness.
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Abeer23
 
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Quote Abeer23 Replybullet Posted: 23 October 2005 at 5:06am

I showed these jokes to my sisters,  They loved them.  I especially liked the one about the old lady

Salaam

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Justin N
 
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Quote Justin N Replybullet Posted: 24 October 2005 at 5:48pm

      

I like it. 

Please don't take anything I say offencivly, as I don't mean any disrespect.
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Amina16
 
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Quote Amina16 Replybullet Posted: 24 October 2005 at 6:13pm
I like these jokes.  i really liked the one where the Saudi man saves the girls life.
"Words have Power" ex: The Quran
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karimah
 
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Quote karimah Replybullet Posted: 24 October 2005 at 7:38pm
Move over rudy
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aishag88
 
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Quote aishag88 Replybullet Posted: 27 October 2005 at 11:45am
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sonia_islam
 
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Quote sonia_islam Replybullet Posted: 14 November 2005 at 10:46pm

kool!!   can we have some more

 

salma
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Amina16
 
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Quote Amina16 Replybullet Posted: 15 November 2005 at 5:30pm

here's another one:

Good news, Bad news
1/27/2005

Here is the story of an Imam who got after Friday prayers and announced to the people:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

"Words have Power" ex: The Quran
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