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Saleema
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Quote Saleema Replybullet Topic: Am I divorced
    Posted: 26 August 2013 at 11:23am

As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakatahu,

I am confused of whether I am still married to my husband.  we married in late 2000 I immediately had gotten pregnant like in the first week or two if my marriage.  My husband and myself fell in to a lot of disputes at that time which lead to his leaving after 45 days of marriage that had been consumated.  Because he thought that I was pregnant before we had gotten married and that I was extremely forceful with my delivery of informatoin and action  He never uttered those words but it makes sense.  I became extremely angry and upset after months of living alone  which was causing harm to the unborn child I left to live with my mother.  After I had delivered the baby I had spoken to an amir and asked if I was divorced the amir at the time said that he would speak with my husband a week or 2 went by and the amir stated that he had spoked with my husband and that I was divorced and I was able to marry again thinking that I was not able to have contact with my former husband or so I thought I never made contact and remarried.  a couple of months had gone by when I received a message saying that my former husband had sent for me but by the time I had remarried I eventually was divorced from that husband for differences in opinion with regards to religion having nothing to do with my former husband.  and I came back to the town I was married in.  When I finally spoke with my former husband he was saying that I was still his wife I immediately asked how is that possible didnt you speak with the amir he stated a clear no that no one had come to speak with him with regards to me I also spoke with my former husbands imam and he reiterated that no one had spoken with him regarding a divorce.  after that information I was told that my former husband had taken another wife at this point I was livid out of my mind with anger and disbelief.  I had been lied to by the amir, I had just had child and was divorded I think and my former husband I think is getting married again I completely lost my mind and asked for a khula at his walima.  my former husband never asked me for a divorce and has never said we are divorced some 12 years later he continues to say I am still his wife.  my question is am I still his wife?  May Allah Forgive and Bless us all
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semar
 
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Quote semar Replybullet Posted: 27 August 2013 at 5:31pm
Salam,
 
Because he never provide you anything (both income and biological need) for so a long time (more than 6 month), so you the right to be divorced. You might can assume that the Amir was the judge in your case, I didn't know which say the truth the Amir or your ex-husband, but even if the Amir, he might not able to reach your husband or whatever.
 
In Islam, it is very clear that a man can not hold his wife in limbo. If he still like to her keep as a wife, he has responsibility to provide the necessary things, if not divorce her in a good way, so she can remarry with somebody else or or whatever she prefer.


Edited by semar - 27 August 2013 at 5:33pm
Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"
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Saleema
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Quote Saleema Replybullet Posted: 27 August 2013 at 5:37pm
he has always provided  throught out the 12 years for his son and my self which is why I am not sure.  He has never kept me in limbo and I have interacted with him may Allah for give me as his wife through out the years as well.  I too looked at him as if he did not understand his religion and assumed we were divorced and I did not wait for a answer I moved on with my life as if we were not married yet he would tell me through the entire 12 years we were married not paying attention to whats he was saying until recently when he sat me down and explained what I have explained to you.  the Amir has  been stripped of his title and admonished for his behavior about 10years ago now. 
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Quote semar Replybullet Posted: 27 August 2013 at 5:43pm
Providing money only is not enough, wife is not only need money but sex etc. By the way a bit puzzle here, if he still provided you and your kid that mean you still in contact with him,  why you didn't ask directly to him. Ask divorce directly to him, if he refuse you can go to judge with reason that he didn't provide you the biological need.

Edited by semar - 28 August 2013 at 6:44pm
Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"
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Saleema
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Quote Saleema Replybullet Posted: 27 August 2013 at 6:12pm

I know I think I just answered my own question.  I asked for khula but never stayed for the answer because I was very angry  and upset over what had been going on 1. Amir said he talked to my husband but did not talk to my husband so consequently I remarried 2. to find out that he never asked my husband for a divorce for me 3. when I spoke with my husbands Amir he reiterated that he was never asked for a divorce from me nor has he divorced me 4. I found out that my husband had married again 4.  having to leave because I dared to ask the amir if I could speak with someone other than him in authority..with my 3 month old left me homeless I was furious this all of this taking about 3 months time to unfold 5. I asked for a khula but interacted as a wife does with her husband 6.  I too did not believe that I was married to my husband nor did I believe he understood his religion may Allah forgive me 7. my husband has always told me that we were married and has always I mean always provided for my and my children including his son I just never t ook the time to look at what he was telling me I think I know I let shaitan or myself do a terrible thing to him by movingon with my life as if he was not and he has always been there for me no matter what YA ALLAH FORGIVE ME I hope that makes better sense I agree it is quite confusing which is why I think he sat me down and we discussed everything.  I think I am still his wife

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Quote Saleema Replybullet Posted: 27 August 2013 at 6:14pm
and I was really angry really angry at that point in my life all the betrayal and lies that were  being told and done I just wanted to get a way from it.  I really feel bad really bad I have asked Allah for forgiveness but I am not sure how this man still looks at me MAY ALLAH FORGIVE ME
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 27 August 2013 at 10:32pm
There needs to be a meeting with the amir, your husband and the Imam. Perhaps the amir has witnesses, and it should not be assumed he has lied without a hearing into the matter.
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