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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
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jgreene
 
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Quote jgreene Replybullet Topic: angry wife
    Posted: 27 April 2013 at 11:12pm
So the three of us, my wife, our two-year-old daughter, and I went out shopping for shoes for our little girl. And I noticed that my wife's mood darkened but I didn't know why. Then when we got home she made dinner for herself and sat down to eat it without saying anything to me. So I asked why she was doing that and what was going on because obviously she was angry and I didn't know why. About half an hour later she suddenly looks up at me and says you really don't know why I'm angry? And I said that I had already told her I didn't know why, at which point she said it was because I didn't make any money. She can't buy what she wants, I've talked about making money through a business but nothing has panned out, and so on. Mercifully, that was the end of it although since we've had this argument many times before it could've gone on for much longer.

Short of bringing in a six-figure income starting tomorrow, I don't know what to do about this situation. It isn't as though today for the first time she suddenly realized we don't have all the money we want and need. And in point of fact we're doing much better now than we have in the last three years. We both have steady jobs now and our income has lifted us out of qualifying for food stamps and related assistance.

Nevertheless, this anger and resentment about our finances bubbles up more or less continuously, at least twice a month. I don't know how to get her to relax and be happy with what we have, even even as I continue to strive for more. I don't know how to get her to have faith in my entrepreneurial efforts and be supportive of them and interested in them. And I don't know how to get her to stop being so angry. By the way, we did go to couples therapy maybe a year ago, at my insistence, and the first thing she did in our first therapy session was unload about our finances, crying as she did so.

Part of the problem is that what we have is not what she expected when we got married. The recession has not been kind to us. I don't want a divorce but I don't want things to stay the way they are, either. So I'm hoping some of you can help me figure something out.

Shokran
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 28 April 2013 at 7:41am
I think most importantly is that you try not to allow her moods and criticisms to effect your motivation.  You have no control over her mindset and expectations, but do have control over your own. Stay positive, don't totally ignore her dark moments - give validation (I know how you feel) and move on.  The reality of life has a way of forcing maturity upon us.  We all from time to time become frustrated from unmet expectations, and know that if it wasn't; 'oh woe is me' about money, it would be; 'why is your career more important to you than me and the kids - money isn't everything'.  In other words, humans will find something to complain about simply because nothing is perfect in this life.  Smile, and be thankful she only has her moods twice monthly and not twice weekly, or daily.... hang in there and allow her to vent without becoming irritated with her.  She is a willing partner, working, and I assume contributes to your household, which isn't really her responsibility. 
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 27 June 2013 at 1:11am
Get her to read this story -

"When Queens Ride By" by

http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/Biblical_Womanhood_and_Christian_Living_14/When_Queens_Ride_By_9510095.shtml
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Caringheart
 
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Quote Caringheart Replybullet Posted: 27 June 2013 at 2:11pm
Originally posted by Nausheen

Get her to read this story -

"When Queens Ride By" by

http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/Biblical_Womanhood_and_Christian_Living_14/When_Queens_Ride_By_9510095.shtml

Greetings Nausheen,

Welcome back. Smile
Beautiful story.  A lesson I wish I had known when I was young and married.
Are you familiar with the Proverbs 31 woman?

Salaam and blessings to you,
Caringheart
Let us seek Truth together
Blessed be God forever
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Caringheart
 
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Quote Caringheart Replybullet Posted: 27 June 2013 at 2:15pm
I think I would suggest for the husband to pray for his wife to find the peace she needs, and as another said, simply show his compassion for their situation.  I know it must be hard on his ego, but perhaps God is testing him.  I could also recommend the movie Fireproof to show how one spouse's attitude can change the attitude of the other.  I wish I had known how to have a better attitude in my marriage.  The change often begins with ourselves.  It can take great patience and fortitude, but isn't this how God grows us into the people worthy of His kingdom?

Salaam to all.


Edited by Caringheart - 27 June 2013 at 2:17pm
Let us seek Truth together
Blessed be God forever
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 27 June 2013 at 7:11pm
Caringheart,
Greetings to you too.

Thank you for the welcome. No i have not read the proverb you mentioned, but like this story very much.

I think I understand what you mean when you say you wished to have known this earlier.
Life teaches so many lessons already. This story was a part of my learning curve - although things did not go as I expected, but what I have is Allah's decree for me and I should regard it as definitely the best.

Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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herber345
 
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Quote herber345 Replybullet Posted: 09 December 2013 at 11:01pm
You should talk to your wife. Meditation will work but you have to do something from your side. Ask her what she want and go somewhere in week or month to make her mind fresh. Some time lots of work and pressure make ladies such type. You should invest more time with her and make control on yourself. I know divorce is not solution of this problem, you have a child and discuss with her about your child future. Only your love and care can change her mood and after few month she will be normal. 
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