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Groups – Women (Sisters)
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Groups – Women (Sisters)
Message Icon Topic: Living with Inlaws,am i asking too much? Post Reply Post New Topic
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amah
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Quote amah Replybullet Posted: 27 March 2006 at 10:22am
Originally posted by M E X I

The right of being maintained and supported is a right entrusted to the men by Allah [swt] upon you. Don't request things that non believer women request, rather ask for things but be just in doing so and don't over step the rights in which Allah [swt] has given you.

A



Did I ask for something that will displease Allah????????? You are contradicting yourself!! ASking for my right that will keep my sanity ...is that overstepping ????

C'mon sister,


Allah is Sufficient as a Walee (Protector) and Allah is Sufficient as a Naseer (Helper).
(Surah An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #45)
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M E X I
 
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Quote M E X I Replybullet Posted: 27 March 2006 at 12:01pm

as'salam alaykum wara7matu Allah wa barakatuh...

I think you are who didn't get my point, anyway Allahu a3laam... May Allah bless you and guide us all ameen...

 

“Make straight your path, while daylight's shining yet”
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amah
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Quote amah Replybullet Posted: 27 March 2006 at 6:42pm
Probably sis, but i would like you to clarify that point...."Don't request things that non believer women request,"

jazakallahukhairan....
Allah is Sufficient as a Walee (Protector) and Allah is Sufficient as a Naseer (Helper).
(Surah An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #45)
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M E X I
 
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Quote M E X I Replybullet Posted: 27 March 2006 at 8:03pm

as'salam alaykum wara7matu Allah wa barakatuh

Amah, i meant non muslimahs... Few days back I got into a conversation with some women, they were arguing about "freedom". Sometimes they think that to be muslimah and to "obey" our husbands means submission, to lose our rights, or to stop being women. This is what i meant, please don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that ALL the women are like that, but most of them, unfortunately many women now a days forgets about the best way how to keep a happy marriage, how to behave as a good wife, how to support her husband, how to care her children, how to preserve herself as woman, etc etc.

They think that to have conversations with men, strangers doesn't mean anything, they think that we are fanatic because we prevent ourselves of doing this, They think that to go out with friends, to dance with other men doesn't mean anything, this is what i meant.. we as muslimahs cannot request to our husband this kind of freedom, first because there is not such a term "freedom" and second because we know this only can lead us to 7aram things. We as muslimah wives must care about many things, and for sure our husbands must do the same, again.. as i stated above "The spouses have mutual rights".

Clarifying my point of view.....We as women should support our husbands, help them, encourage them, they can be good if we are good, they can respect our rights if we give them the way, if now our sister needs to face a complicated situation with her inlaws, for the sake of her husband she should accept his request, anyway he is not asking her to fight in Iraq or to throw herself from a 5th floor, probably for some of you to live with the fathers inlaw it means this tho. lol. But the point is that with this she is showing him her love, and in the future he will be grateful. In the end this is the best reward, to get good deeds and to be loved by her husband.... aren't you agree with me?

Insha'Allah you can get what I mean... Barallahu feekon..

“Make straight your path, while daylight's shining yet”
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herjihad
 
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Quote herjihad Replybullet Posted: 27 March 2006 at 8:22pm

Bismillah,

From what I've seen of in-laws, no, you're not right Mexi.  We have let the men run all over us, especially the converts, because they give us their twisted, self-benefitting view of things as people will do.  The facts are very different from what a lot of guys tell their sweethearts. 

The facts are that if you don't set clear boundaries around your Islaamic rights, then people will take them away or just ignore that they exist. 

This man needs to discuss what his wife wants WITH her, not dictate what he thinks is best and then expect her to jump to and get with HIS program. 

 A marriage works best when you have partners who are garments for each other, not when you have a big heavy trying to be the overcoat smothering the breath out of the silk pajamas!  Please don't advise a sister to give up her rights as if it were a noble thing to do.  It's noble for her to know her rights and obligations and fulfill BOTH of them.

Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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Quote M E X I Replybullet Posted: 27 March 2006 at 9:43pm

as'salam alaykum wara7matu Allah wa barakatuh...

My dear sister herjihad first of all May Allah grant you strong eman today and always ameen...

I didn't say that she has to give up her rights subhana'allah, i just spoke thru what she said, her husband cannot give her another thing for now, they can get some benefits living at his parents home, they can save money, they can get many things.. insha'allah khair... My point is only to show support to our husbands in any bad situation if this doesn't lead us thru something bad; to support, to encourage doesn't mean to loose rights. I never said this and i never meant it.. Allahu a3laam..

Anyway, i think the best is to let our sister to choose the best for her and we only can make du3a for her ...

Sister Rishadr May Allah help you and guide you giving you and enlightening you for to take the best decision and way how to deal with this situation. ameen ya rab... 

“Make straight your path, while daylight's shining yet”
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amah
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Quote amah Replybullet Posted: 28 March 2006 at 1:25am
I agree with sister herjihad's views..............i love you!

I have also alhamdulillah understood mexi's point of view.....i do agree with her here:

If my husband has no choice but to keep me with his parents, and there is no way out, i will yes support him till we can move out. support him in everything . also he should be considerate and like herjihad said "discuss" things and not order his wife to do things as if she has no soul!

Also i dont want freedom like nonmuslims want. i want to obey and please my husband within the limits of shariah, but i will not bend if he takes away my rights, that doesnt mean i harass him!! i explain and talk it out to him. i give him his rights too. alhamdulillah i understand my rights and duties and of my husbands too. islam is not restrictive to me, it is my freedom.

i do understand you mexi, and yes it is rashidr's decision, but we cant really ask her to give up her rights, but yes if there is no solution to this problem, then she is wise enough to know what to do! insha allah

Allah forgive us for our shortcomings and make it easy for all of us esp for rashidr's  situation here.

and i love you mexi, for the sake of allah! (and the rest of you sisters!)

wassalaam....



Allah is Sufficient as a Walee (Protector) and Allah is Sufficient as a Naseer (Helper).
(Surah An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #45)
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Jenni
 
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Quote Jenni Replybullet Posted: 28 March 2006 at 9:53am
Amah, it is your right to live away from your husbands parents. It is your right to privacy, it is your right to not have your husbands parents boss you around. While you need to be kind, they are not your parents and you do not have the same responsibility to them as your husband does. The biggest thing that is missing in many homes in boundries. When my husband and I got married I knew my mother in law would come to stay for 6 months at a time. The first time she came I was very pregnant and my husband told her clearly, "Mom, she has real all the books, gone to lots of classes and is going to do things with the baby her way. She knows more then me and things have changed alot since you were raising babies. So let her do things her own way." Now this may sound harsh, but it was my son and my husbands son. I wanted to nurse the baby with no bottles of formula at all, my mom in law came from the generation that thought breast milk was not enough and the baby should be fat so give them a bottle. But since my husband drew up boundries she only asked me once if I was going to buy any bottles and I said no, I will only nurse. That was it! He also told her that she can't tell me what to do like she can him or his siblings. He said mom, before she met me, she had a career. She lived in another state and was independant from her family. She is an adult and will cook her own way, clean her own way and do as she pleases. This sent a very clear message to her and we got along BEAUTIFULLY!! Once or twice she tried nicely to advise me on things. Like ironing. ANd I said, nicely, look, I don't iron. I'm not good at it and your son is great at it. So he can iron his own shirts since we don't have a maid like you guys do in Pakistan and I am doing most of the other stuff. She understood, and realized that they have servants around all the time and I am not a servant. I am not responsible for just being the maid of the house and she never complained when my husband vacuumed, or changed daipers or did any house stuff. I allways politely explained myself and my husband backed me up. We allways enjoyed having her come and I was sad to see her go, I would even cry when she left for a week. Boundries are the key!!! Peace
You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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