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Groups Women (Sisters)
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Quote Caringheart Replybullet Posted: 22 November 2012 at 11:30am
Originally posted by Idil

Hi Caringheart,

Thanks for your advice, know that it is appreciated. You got great name by the way. Indeed honoring parents has been made obligatory on all of us and it is just sometimes difficult to meet this criteria. Nowadays , parents in most cases are set in their cultural ways and fail to analyses situations from different perspectives. You have handled the situation with your daughter very good and we can all learn something from this. In most cases, when daughters/sons meet someone the parents disapprove of it results into a great conflict and end up loosing their children.

Greetings Idil,

"You got great name by the way."
Thanks, I like it. Big%20smile

I want to add this to our conversation.  Parents are usually set in their ways for good reason.  Wink   And I will say that there was tension between my daughter and myself because of her decision, but this was also her way of showing me that she was becoming an adult with good judgement, who was still not afraid to listen to me and what I had to say in guiding her.
It was not my own handling of the situation that made things right but my daughter's handling of it.  She honored me by never breaking contact even though she did not always like the things I had to say.  She honored me by following the suggestions I made in keeping the relationship from going too far.  She honored me by wanting my blessing, and if it was not there, then neither was the relationship going to be made permanent.  More importantly the young man honored me by respecting my daughter in her wishes to respect me.  Most importantly my daughter honored God.  It is God's blessing that we wish to have bestowed.  These things allowed me to respect the young man.  They did, however, not end up together in the end.  I was so pleased that my daughter had heeded my guidance in waiting to see if they would be compatible for life.  She began, with time, to see that they would not.  She is now happily married to a man whom she followed the same principles I had guided her with... taking time, making sure he was a God following man, etc.

I wish you, your sister, and your family, many blessings and guidance.
Caringheart Heart

Edited by Caringheart - 22 November 2012 at 4:49pm
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Quote lady Replybullet Posted: 22 November 2012 at 11:16pm
Assalaamoalaikum sister. 
I am a strong believer of pleasing one's parents. But if a parent is making it difficult for their child to marry outside of his/her race, then this is bad. The reason that this is bad is because Allah has placed in our hearts as a baby to geniunely love all people.  Now if a person makes the comment that he will not marry outside of his race, I personally think that he is going against what his nature was as a child. Because children when they are so young, they geniunely love all people, and it is the parents who change their thinking about other cultures.  Now, I do believe that as a muslim, it is good to marry someone who is a practicing muslim.  If you marry someone who has no fear in God then how can the marriage work?  But you can marry someone within your own culture and that person could be completely different from you.  If a person is practicing his religion then his culture should come from his religion. But most people practice their enviromental culture more than their religion which is a huge problem. 
I personally would not listen to my parents if they tried to disown me because I may be interested in marrying outside of my culture.  I was raised to see beauty in all people from different cultures, and so how can I not be attracted to them.   If you are a person who geniunely interacts with all people and have friends from all over the world then  how is it that you will not be attracted to them as well.  We all have our own preferences.  I gauranteed you that the same things your sister loves in a man from her own race she will subconsciously find those same attractions in another man even if he is from another race, or culture. 
I am not saying that your sister has to ignore that there will be cultural differences but there are cultural differences from state to state, from individual families to individual families.  If she prayed to Allah to find her a nice husband, then maybe Allah is giving her a man from another cultural.  And why should she ignore this blessings of hers, if the blessing is revealed to her from Allah to marry him? Your sister also needs to be aware that parents are not perfect. They have the abililty to give wrong advice because of many things.  She should ask Allah about this guy and pray that Allah gives her parents wisdom etc.
I wish the best for your family.

Edited by lady - 22 November 2012 at 11:17pm
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Quote lady Replybullet Posted: 24 November 2012 at 3:52am
Assalaamoalaikum. I wanted to add that you should encourage your sister to be patience and not marry this guy as soon as possible. I feel bad that her parents are so hurt by her decision that they are willing to disown her. I think that even though who she marries is utimately her decision only it is also important that she wait for some time for her parents' approval for her marriage. This way they may realize that she also is concern for their feelings too etc. This waiting time could be less/more than six months will also give her the opportunity to see how supportive her fiance will be towards her qnd her family. This way she can also she what advice he will CONTINOUSLY give her about her parents emotions and treatment towards him or her. If he tells her dont care about what they think or that he is not given her emotional support about her parents then she will realize that he will also not be a supportive husband for her and a respectful son in law as well
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