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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 19 November 2012 at 10:48pm
Originally posted by Caringheart


Greetings Nausheen, [IMG]smileys/smiley1.gif" align="absmiddle" alt="Smile" />"It is said in the Quran that divorce is one of the most disliked things to Allah for which He has granted permissibility."Yes, in this, the Bible and the Quran are in agreement.
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
So if we do not have hardness of heart and are truly followers belonging to God we will seek always reconciliation not divorce. With exceptions as you mentioned of course, legal divorce is permissable(in the terms of the law), but spiritually I believe, in the eyes of God, the union between one man and one woman is permanent and anything after is still adultery in the eyes of God depending our our spiritual condition(our hearts). God however has the authority to forgive our sins and it will be His judgement on judgement day, whether or not our hearts were towards Him or towards our selves.Salaam and blessings to you,Caringheart


Greetings Caringheart,

Islam is not just spirituality. Its a way of life which includes spirituality, law, society etc.

Islamically a marriage contract between two people is a social contract as well. If they are not 'social' with eachother, 'lawfully' ie; according to religious laws they can divorce.
Since God gives the permisibility for divorce, this means according to the religious laws their divorce is valid, acceptable and correct. Later when such two people re-marry, this is viewed as a legal union between two people - not adultery.
I think Islam and christianity differ hugely at this point.

I would not always call it a hardness of heart between two people when they are incompatible. It is very much possible for two good individuals that they are incompatible with each other.
In cases when people have sincerely tried a number of things and their relationship does not work, its better to separate on goodly terms than to live together making life impossible for each other.

If one partner is trying hard to improve the relationship while the other is negligent of the same then, when this partner gives up ultimately, I would again not call it their hardness of heart - rather a consciousness of heart and a sensitivity towards quality of life.



Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Abu Loren
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 19 November 2012 at 11:00pm
Originally posted by lady

I personally think that in countries where divorce rates are low, it does not mean that the people are happily married. Staying married for a long time does not mean that both people are happy. I can not imagine myself being married to someone for many many years and not be happy. So I am thankful that I live in a society where I can freely get divorced if there is a need to do so.
You mentioned that in Pakistan, the divorce rates are lower than in india but due to the fact that pakistan is more of an islamic country than in india.
If this is true, it still does not mean that those who are staying married are actually happy.   Usually in these countries the mistreatment of women are so apparent that as a result it is expected for them to stay with their husbands. For example: I know in pakistan, it is frown upon for most woman in certain regions of pakistan to remarry even after the fact that her husband may have died. So can you imagine what will happened if she gets remarried to a man after divorce?
I think in any of these countries, if you give those women jobs where they can provide enough money to independently support themselves, then you will see an extreme hike of divorce rates  as well.
I have friends from all over the world, and the ones who never left their husbands when they should have, have suffered alot as a result of divorce not being allowed or frown upon in their country.
 
Now, why divorce rates are so high in certain countries? I think that there are many reasons.  One reason could be that people are marrying others for wrong  superficial or selfish reasons.  For example, let's say that my main drive for marrying a guy is that he is extremely handsome.  It is obvious that if this is my main drive for this marriage, then why would I be shocked  later when I find out that  he is not compatible with me? Or a guy nowadays, may want to marry a woman because she has money and she can help him pay his bills. At the same time, he neglects to improve himself as a husband and as a muslim.  It does not matter what the reasons are, the end result is that people are living away from practicing their true faith.  How can something work well, if we forget about our main focus in life which is to rightfully worship Allah.
I personally dont think that marriage is hard most of the times at all.  You have to work to stay happy like you have to work hard to stay physically healthy etc.
 
 
It's the other way round, divorce rates are HIGH in Pakistan and LOW in India.
 
What I was getting at is that because the reason why the divorce rate is high in Pakistan is because it is permissable and it is normal, whereas it is still a taboo in India.
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Matt Browne
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Quote Matt Browne Replybullet Posted: 19 November 2012 at 11:03pm
Abu Loren,
Can you give me some examples of your sources from the Hadith showing the good relationship between the Prophet and Sawda bint Zam'a?

A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt
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Abu Loren
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 19 November 2012 at 11:10pm
Originally posted by Matt Browne

Abu Loren,
Can you give me some examples of your sources from the Hadith showing the good relationship between the Prophet and Sawda bint Zam'a?

 
No because there is nothing much about Sawda in the Hadiths except the one narrated by Ai'sha (RA) that Sawda gave up her visiting rights because she felt she was too old. There is no indication that the Prophet (Salallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) and Sawda were unhappy in their marriage.
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Quote Matt Browne Replybullet Posted: 20 November 2012 at 3:35am
Thanks for the clarification, Abu Loren. Then the other sources must indeed be wrong. That's why I asked the question.
A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt
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