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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 03 November 2012 at 3:55am
Greetings Caringheart,
 
Thank you for your post.
 
Thank you for the poem, its really beautiful.
 
Ideally for muslims every action can be an act of worship, depending on a correct intention behind it.
In a prophetic tradition its said that one who has married has completed half of faith, not s/he has to concentrate on rest half.
In another its said that one can choose a partner for three reasons - for beauty, for wealth and lineage, or for religion, and choosing for religion is best.
 
These sentiments within the faith tell a great deal about how to treat marraige and marriage vows.
 
Reason why people have started to ignore this  perhaps lies in the fact that in our race to mordernization we have left religion behind in all aspects of life, including marriage - thus the chaos.
 
Quite logically said we should have better laws and people must be returning to their faith / God  - so we can have stabler family units.
 
Establishing laws might be easier than making people turn to religion though.
 
Peace to you!
 
 
 
 
 
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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W.S.
 
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Quote W.S. Replybullet Posted: 04 November 2012 at 10:20am
Originally posted by Chrysalis

It can be a difficult concept to grasp for New muslims raised in the west or western non-muslims.
It's really not stranger than when people here in the west try to match their friends and acqaintances at parties and dinners and such, I think. But people tend to confuse arranged marriages with forced marriages.  
Originally posted by Nausheen

Ideally for muslims every action can be an act of worship, depending on a correct intention behind it.
Even sleeping, I've heard. Nausheen, you've written some wise things on this thread and one can but agree.
 
 
 
 
 
 


Edited by W.S. - 04 November 2012 at 10:22am
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Matt Browne
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Quote Matt Browne Replybullet Posted: 13 November 2012 at 8:53am
Some questions: Did the Prophet wish to divorce Sawda bint Zam'a? Or did she just fear or think that he would? If yes, why would she think that he would?

A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt
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Caringheart
 
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Quote Caringheart Replybullet Posted: 16 November 2012 at 11:30pm
Here is a very interesting teaching.

http://uncommonanswers.com/home/common-questions/divorce-and-separation/
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 17 November 2012 at 2:49am
Caringheart,
Greetings to you!

It is interesting to note divorce is not even an option in christianity. Now I understand your stance in debate on this thread better.
Thank you for sharing the article.

The case in Islam is not so impossible. It is said in the Quran that divorce is one of the most disliked things to Allah for which He has granted permissibility.

Im really grateful to God that He is so merciful and that Islam subtly takes into regard the weaknesses of mankind.

Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Abu Loren
 
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 17 November 2012 at 4:00am
Originally posted by Matt Browne

Some questions: Did the Prophet wish to divorce Sawda bint Zam'a? Or did she just fear or think that he would? If yes, why would she think that he would?

I guess you got your question after reading this article from wikipedia.org.
 
Sawda bint Zamʿa

The death of Khadija left Muhammad lonely, and, before he left for Medina, it was suggested by Khawlah bint Hakim that he marry Sawda bint Zamʿa, who had suffered many hardships after she became a Muslim. Prior to that, Sawda was married to a paternal cousin of hers named As-Sakran bin ‘Amr, and had five or six sons from her previous marriage. There are disagreement in Muslim tradition whether Muhammad first married Sawda or Aisha. In one account, he married Sawda in Shawwal, when she was about 55 years old, in the tenth year of Prophethood, after the death of Khadija. At about the same period, Aisha was betrothed to him.[11] As Sawda got older, and some time after Muhammad's marriage to Umm Salama,[12] some sources claim that Muhammad wished to divorce Sawda.[13] Still other traditions maintain that Muhammad did not intend to divorce her, but only Sawda feared or thought that he would.[14] As a compromise, or because of her old age, Sawda offered to give her turn of Muhammad's conjugal visits to Aisha, stating that she "was old, and cared not for men; her only desire was to rise on the Day of Judgment as one of his wives".[13] While some Muslim historians cite this story as a reason of revelation for Quran 4:128, others like Rashid Rida dispute this whole account as "poorly supported", or mursal.[14]

I've highlighted in bold the part where it says 'some sources'. Who are these sources? There is absolutely no evidence from the Hadiths that the Prophet (pbuh) wished to divorce her nor did she fear that the Prophet (pbuh) will divorce her. However, he did give them the choice if they wanted to, if they were unhappy in the marriage.
 
It was narrated that 'Aishah said:
"The Messenger of Allah gave us the choice and we chose him; was that a divorce?"
 
Reference : Sunan an-Nasa'i 3441
In-book reference : Book 27, Hadith 53
English translation : Vol. 4, Book 27, Hadith 3471

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Caringheart
 
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Quote Caringheart Replybullet Posted: 17 November 2012 at 12:06pm
Originally posted by Nausheen

Caringheart,
Greetings to you!

It is interesting to note divorce is not even an option in christianity. Now I understand your stance in debate on this thread better.
Thank you for sharing the article.

The case in Islam is not so impossible. It is said in the Quran that divorce is one of the most disliked things to Allah for which He has granted permissibility.

Im really grateful to God that He is so merciful and that Islam subtly takes into regard the weaknesses of mankind.



Greetings Nausheen,  Smile

"It is said in the Quran that divorce is one of the most disliked things to Allah for which He has granted permissibility."

Yes, in this, the Bible and the Quran are in agreement.
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
So if we do not have hardness of heart and are truly followers belonging to God we will seek always reconciliation not divorce.   With exceptions as you mentioned of course, legal divorce is permissable(in the terms of the law), but spiritually I believe, in the eyes of God, the union between one man and one woman is permanent and anything after is still adultery in the eyes of God depending our our spiritual condition(our hearts).  God however has the authority to forgive our sins and it will be His judgement on judgement day, whether or not our hearts were towards Him or towards our selves.

Salaam and blessings to you,
Caringheart
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lady
 
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Quote lady Replybullet Posted: 19 November 2012 at 10:07pm
I personally think that in countries where divorce rates are low, it does not mean that the people are happily married. Staying married for a long time does not mean that both people are happy. I can not imagine myself being married to someone for many many years and not be happy. So I am thankful that I live in a society where I can freely get divorced if there is a need to do so.
You mentioned that in Pakistan, the divorce rates are lower than in india but due to the fact that pakistan is more of an islamic country than in india.
If this is true, it still does not mean that those who are staying married are actually happy.   Usually in these countries the mistreatment of women are so apparent that as a result it is expected for them to stay with their husbands. For example: I know in pakistan, it is frown upon for most woman in certain regions of pakistan to remarry even after the fact that her husband may have died. So can you imagine what will happened if she gets remarried to a man after divorce?
I think in any of these countries, if you give those women jobs where they can provide enough money to independently support themselves, then you will see an extreme hike of divorce rates  as well.
I have friends from all over the world, and the ones who never left their husbands when they should have, have suffered alot as a result of divorce not being allowed or frown upon in their country.
 
Now, why divorce rates are so high in certain countries? I think that there are many reasons.  One reason could be that people are marrying others for wrong  superficial or selfish reasons.  For example, let's say that my main drive for marrying a guy is that he is extremely handsome.  It is obvious that if this is my main drive for this marriage, then why would I be shocked  later when I find out that  he is not compatible with me? Or a guy nowadays, may want to marry a woman because she has money and she can help him pay his bills. At the same time, he neglects to improve himself as a husband and as a muslim.  It does not matter what the reasons are, the end result is that people are living away from practicing their true faith.  How can something work well, if we forget about our main focus in life which is to rightfully worship Allah.
I personally dont think that marriage is hard most of the times at all.  You have to work to stay happy like you have to work hard to stay physically healthy etc.
 
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