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Originally posted by Caringheart

Interesting that this came up today as an active topic.  I was just contemplating this morning the fact that in Islam divorce does not seem to carry the same stigma that it has in other religion and culture.  I wanted to ask, since divorce seems to be so acceptable, and common, in Islam (which was a surprising shock for me to learn actually), can anyone share with me what effect it has on the children in the family?  Or do you feel it is of no consequence to children in Muslim community?
Thanks.

Not sure what you think of us, but we are surely not from Jupiter  

Not that I know how people live on Jupiter, but, as long as we all are living on the same planet, here, we are affected by the same bugs and pick up behaviors from the very same environment. 

Can't speak of muslims elsewhere - rather I want to be educated when it comes to divorce. In India, where I am from, divorces are really slow. its on the rise mostly within the couples who are 'Non Resident Indians' in other countries, eg; in the UK or US. As for Indians, in India, the story is very much like what you can find in Abu Loren's posts. 

One big reason for potential survival of a lousy marriage in our country is family. We live within huge families, and they for most part 'buffer' small issues. 
However, there are other cases also where families create biggest trouble - then I think the friction helps the couple bond tighter together 'at the face of adversity' 
Divorce happens only in extreme cases. 
This is the case with all, be they Hindus, Muslims, sikhs, or christians - we are more Indian than anything else and our culture simply frowns on divorce.

>>can anyone share with me what effect it has on the children in the family? <<

It is better to come from a broken home than to live in one. Have you ever heard that?

I dont think anyone gets married with a divorce as their aim. When things don't seems to work, again no one in their sane mind would pack their bags  and call it quits at the first show of  trouble - however divorces do happen - in some cases they are better than otherwise.  What happens to children? It depends on how their parents handle the break-up, I guess.

Edited by Nausheen - 31 October 2012 at 6:49pm

Author	Message
Nausheen Female Islam Senior Member Senior Member Joined: 10 January 2001 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 4146	Posted: 31 October 2012 at 6:48pm
	*Originally posted by Caringheart* Interesting that this came up today as an active topic. I was just contemplating this morning the fact that in Islam divorce does not seem to carry the same stigma that it has in other religion and culture. I wanted to ask, since divorce seems to be so acceptable, and common, in Islam (which was a surprising shock for me to learn actually), can anyone share with me what effect it has on the children in the family? Or do you feel it is of no consequence to children in Muslim community? Thanks. Not sure what you think of us, but we are surely not from Jupiter Not that I know how people live on Jupiter, but, as long as we all are living on the same planet, here, we are affected by the same bugs and pick up behaviors from the very same environment. Can't speak of muslims elsewhere - rather I want to be educated when it comes to divorce. In India, where I am from, divorces are really slow. its on the rise mostly within the couples who are 'Non Resident Indians' in other countries, eg; in the UK or US. As for Indians, in India, the story is very much like what you can find in Abu Loren's posts. One big reason for potential survival of a lousy marriage in our country is family. We live within huge families, and they for most part 'buffer' small issues. However, there are other cases also where families create biggest trouble - then I think the friction helps the couple bond tighter together 'at the face of adversity' Divorce happens only in extreme cases. This is the case with all, be they Hindus, Muslims, sikhs, or christians - we are more Indian than anything else and our culture simply frowns on divorce. >>can anyone share with me what effect it has on the children in the family? << It is better to come from a broken home than to live in one. Have you ever heard that? I dont think anyone gets married with a divorce as their aim. When things don't seems to work, again no one in their sane mind would pack their bags and call it quits at the first show of trouble - however divorces do happen - in some cases they are better than otherwise. What happens to children? It depends on how their parents handle the break-up, I guess. Edited by Nausheen - 31 October 2012 at 6:49pm
	Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Caringheart Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2012 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1311	Posted: 31 October 2012 at 7:35pm
	buayisha *Originally posted by abuayisha* *Originally posted by Caringheart* Or do you feel it is of no consequence to children in Muslim community? Thanks. "sigh" Greetings abuayisha, I sincerely would appreciate an answer. If you sigh, you have an opinion. Instead of just sighing could you please share that opinion for me to understand. Thanks, CH different cultures have different structuring of families. Perhaps in a different structure the importance of the pivotal relationship... i.e., mother and father, does not carry so much weight. I don't know. I would like to know. One of the biggest problems in the west is the failure of the family structure. This has a damaging effect on the stability of society as a whole. Edited by Caringheart - 31 October 2012 at 7:52pm
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Caringheart Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2012 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1311	Posted: 31 October 2012 at 7:41pm
	Greetings Nausheen, I think divorce happens when God is not at the center of the marriage from the beginning. People looking too much for what they want from each other instead of both seeking to serve in ways that please God. When both are focused on God they are striving towards the same focal point. When they focus too much on each other they are headed for collision. I have heard it put this way and I see the truth in it. It's nice to have you around again. It surprised me for you to say you are in India. I don't know why. Oh, regarding the 'not from Jupiter' comment... lol It's just that I would expect anything sanctioned by God would be reverenced as much in all the Abrahamic religions. To me it's not a culture thing. It's a God thing... man and woman created for each other... in union... by God... the two shall become one. Well if they have become one does it make sense they can be ripped apart? He created one man... one woman. He didn't say here's one but when it doesn't work out I'll create another for you. Edited by Caringheart - 31 October 2012 at 7:46pm
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Abu Loren Male Islam Senior Member Joined: 29 June 2012 Location: United Arab Emirates Online Status: Offline Posts: 568	Posted: 01 November 2012 at 1:04am
	*Originally posted by Chrysalis* I don't think you are familiar with the concept of an 'Arranged Marriage'. In an arranged marriage, a couple is introduced through relatives or acquaintances, if the boy/girl like the potential spouse, they proceed. Usually the Boy's parents propose to the girl's family and they accept or reject on behalf of the girl. It is not a 'forced marriage'. Both the boy and girl have an opportunity to say No or decline the marriage. Just because some muslims fall victim to social pressure to marry a certain person does not mean Arranged Marriages = Forced Marriages. It can be a difficult concept to grasp for New muslims raised in the west or western non-muslims. I do know what I'm talking about as I am Indian and have been around arranged marriages all of my life. The thing is some arranged marriages are forced where the bride and groom listens to their parents and family in whom they should marry. They don't have a voice. I am not talking just about Muslim marriages but marriages in general.
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Matt Browne Male Christian Senior Member Joined: 19 April 2010 Location: Germany Online Status: Offline Posts: 755	Posted: 01 November 2012 at 5:25am
	The psychologist David Myers compares divorce with the amputation of a leg. He points out that doctors and patients try everything to save the leg before they are willing to use a saw and live with a stump. Today, too many people it seems, when they fall off a bike and hit the asphalt, instead of letting the abrasions heal, they get rid of the whole leg.
	A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt
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Abu Loren Male Islam Senior Member Joined: 29 June 2012 Location: United Arab Emirates Online Status: Offline Posts: 568	Posted: 01 November 2012 at 5:29am
	*Originally posted by Matt Browne* The psychologist David Myers compares divorce with the amputation of a leg. He points out that doctors and patients try everything to save the leg before they are willing to use a saw and live with a stump. Today, too many people it seems, when they fall off a bike and hit the asphalt, instead of letting the abrasions heal, they get rid of the whole leg. This is very true however the replacement, sometimes, can be better surely?
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Nausheen Female Islam Senior Member Senior Member Joined: 10 January 2001 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 4146	Posted: 01 November 2012 at 9:52am
	Was going to talk about this amputation analogy, but you got here before I did :) Wanted to bring up another point. I know that divorce is seen as a stigma in western society. At the same time however, sincere and conscious westerners have devoted a great deal of time and effort to address this problem. The amount of material found from the west - on saving marriages, how to make it better etc etc overwhelmingly outnumbers the help one can find in other cultures - like my culture. Cutting off the limb when a wound can be healed is impatience. On the other hand too much of patience can also be a problem - living ones entire life with gangrene is not a smart decision when we know that this life is only for once. Edited by Nausheen - 01 November 2012 at 9:54am
	Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Nausheen Female Islam Senior Member Senior Member Joined: 10 January 2001 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 4146	Posted: 01 November 2012 at 10:01am
	*Originally posted by Abu Loren* I do know what I'm talking about as I am Indian and have been around arranged marriages all of my life. The thing is some arranged marriages are forced where the bride and groom listens to their parents and family in whom they should marry. They don't have a voice. I am not talking just about Muslim marriages but marriages in general. Dito. Im an Indian and can echo your words. There is so much of psychological pressure to say 'yes'. Its as if ones parents own them and they can dispose their children whatever way they find suitable (and they know more of this world etc. etc.). Another things is, they start ringing the wedding bells so early in life, one does not have the confidence to stand-up and say no - for whatever reason. Edited by Nausheen - 01 November 2012 at 10:03am
	Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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