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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 7:04am
Originally posted by Abu Loren

Interesting comment Mr. nothing. When you look at the examples of arranged marriages in India, for example, you see that people do stay together till death even if they are unhappy. Now you can argue that it is a torurous life for the couple concerned, on the other hand you have to admire them for staying together even if unhappily.
 
Who knows the answers? May be this is one of the reasons why Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala has granted Muslims to divorce. Allahu Alum!
 
Not sure what is admirable about being unhappy and not trying to find their happiness.
Its not a command from Allah to choose an unhappy life.
 
Are these people willingly in an unhappy situation or forced to choose?
 
When the divorce rate in the west is as high as 50% the flip side of the coin tells us 50% of couples are leading a 'happy married life'. Whereas in India, where the divorce rate is pretty low in comparison, how many of the so called married couples are happy? We don't have this stats.
 
India is a society that forces people to choose to compromise. Everybody wants to mind everybody else's business. Divorce is frowned upon but misery is not. Its a sign of unhealthiness.
 
Im glad in Islam we have a choice in this matter - the devine permission for divorce is a blessing!
 
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 9:16am
Originally posted by nothing

Another reason is boring face.
 
Wow, hopefully that's an oversimplification or euphemistic for some larger and deeper reason.Smile
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Abu Loren
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 9:54am
Originally posted by Nausheen

 
Not sure what is admirable about being unhappy and not trying to find their happiness.
Its not a command from Allah to choose an unhappy life.
 
Are these people willingly in an unhappy situation or forced to choose?
 
When the divorce rate in the west is as high as 50% the flip side of the coin tells us 50% of couples are leading a 'happy married life'. Whereas in India, where the divorce rate is pretty low in comparison, how many of the so called married couples are happy? We don't have this stats.
 
India is a society that forces people to choose to compromise. Everybody wants to mind everybody else's business. Divorce is frowned upon but misery is not. Its a sign of unhealthiness.
 
Im glad in Islam we have a choice in this matter - the devine permission for divorce is a blessing!
 
 
Arranged marriages are just that, forced against their will. Usually what happens in an arranged marriage is the two families concerned get together and they decide between themselves that their son and daughter will et married. Then they tell the bride and groom when their wedding is. I know from many people that they did not like the choice of their spouse and if they had a choice they would not marry that person. However, there are many instances where these people 'fall in love' over time and they are devoted to each other for the remainder of their lives. On the flip side, there are so many unhappy marriages where the bride and groom do no compromise.
 
We can also argue that 'love marriages' are also prone to the exact same scenario as above. People fall in love thinking that they have found their ideal partner, then after a 'honeymoon' period they decide to divorce for whatever reasons.
 
Marriage is not an exact science. May be the answer is indeed in compromising and accepting the faults of the other person.
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 10:58am

When poverty comes in the door love flies out the window. ...

The saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you. ~ Anonymous

Unrequited love is a ridiculous state, and it makes those in it behave ridiculously. ~ Cassandra Clare

Every broken heart has screamed at one time or another: "Why can't you see who I truly am?" ~ Shannon L. Alder

Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me. The problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you. ~ Anonymous

There's nothing quite so humbling as thinking you're completely over someone, then realizing you're not even close. ~ Brian Strause, Maybe a Miracle

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.”  E Gilbert

 

“The remedy for most marital stress is not in divorce. It is in repentance and forgiveness, in sincere expressions of charity and service. It is not in separation. It is in simple integrity that leads a man and a woman to square up their shoulders and meet their obligations. It is found in the Golden Rule, a time-honored principle that should first and foremost find expression in marriage.”  G Hinkley

 

“Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.”  J. Franzen

 

“But in the real world, you couldnt really just split a family down the middle, mom on one side, dad the other, with the child equally divided between. It was like when you ripped a piece of paper into two: no matter how you tried, the seams never fit exactly right again. It was what you couldn't see, those tiniest of pieces, that were lost in the severing, and their absence kept everything from being complete.”   S. Dessen

“Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.”   J. Weiner

 

“He went on for some time while I sat listening in silence because I knew he was right, and like two people who have loved each other however imperfectly, who have tried to make a life together, however imperfectly, who have lived side by side and watched the wrinkles slowly form at the corner of the other's eyes, and watched a little drop of gray, as if poured from a jug, drop into the other's skin and spread itself evenly, listening to the other's coughs and sneezes and little collected mumblings, like two people who'd had one idea together and slowly allowed that idea to be replaced with two separate, less hopeful, less ambitious ideas, we spoke deep into the night, and the next day, and the next night. For forty days and forty nights, I want to say, but the fact of the matter is it only took three. One of us had loved the other more perfectly, had watched the other more closely, and one of us listened and the other hadn't, and one of us held on to the ambition of the one idea far longer than was reasonable, whereas the other, passing a garbage can one night, had casually thrown it away.”   N. Krauss

 

“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds for marriage.”  R. Anderson

 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

It is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most hated of permissible things to Allaah is divorce.” This hadeeth is not saheeh, but its meaning is sound: Allaah hates divorce, but He does not forbid it to His slaves, so as to make things easier for them.

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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 2:00pm
Originally posted by Abu Loren



Arranged marriages are just that, forced against their will. Usually what happens in an arranged marriage is the two families concerned get together and they decide between themselves that their son and daughter will et married. Then they tell the bride and groom when their wedding is. I know from many people that they did not like the choice of their spouse and if they had a choice they would not marry that person.



I don't think you are familiar with the concept of an 'Arranged Marriage'. In an arranged marriage, a couple is introduced through relatives or acquaintances, if the boy/girl like the potential spouse, they proceed. Usually the Boy's parents propose to the girl's family and they accept or reject on behalf of the girl.

It is not a 'forced marriage'. Both the boy and girl have an opportunity to say No or decline the marriage. Just because some muslims fall victim to social pressure to marry a certain person does not mean Arranged Marriages = Forced Marriages.

It can be a difficult concept to grasp for New muslims raised in the west or western non-muslims.
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Caringheart
 
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Quote Caringheart Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 2:25pm
Interesting that this came up today as an active topic.  I was just contemplating this morning the fact that in Islam divorce does not seem to carry the same stigma that it has in other religion and culture.  I wanted to ask, since divorce seems to be so acceptable, and common, in Islam (which was a surprising shock for me to learn actually), can anyone share with me what effect it has on the children in the family?  Or do you feel it is of no consequence to children in Muslim community?
Thanks.
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 2:28pm
Originally posted by Caringheart

  Or do you feel it is of no consequence to children in Muslim community?
Thanks.
 
"sigh"
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 6:24pm
Originally posted by Abu Loren

 
Arranged marriages are just that, forced against their will. Usually what happens in an arranged marriage is the two families concerned get together and they decide between themselves that their son and daughter will et married. Then they tell the bride and groom when their wedding is. I know from many people that they did not like the choice of their spouse and if they had a choice they would not marry that person. However, there are many instances where these people 'fall in love' over time and they are devoted to each other for the remainder of their lives. On the flip side, there are so many unhappy marriages where the bride and groom do no compromise.
 
We can also argue that 'love marriages' are also prone to the exact same scenario as above. People fall in love thinking that they have found their ideal partner, then after a 'honeymoon' period they decide to divorce for whatever reasons.
 
Marriage is not an exact science. May be the answer is indeed in compromising and accepting the faults of the other person.
 
Your original post was about divorce, but now you are explaining to us the difference between love and arranged marriages. Are you sure what exactly you want to discuss hereShocked Just wondering Tongue
 
Relationships are not an exact science at all. The relationship I have with my parents is not the same as my brothers - who was raised by the same set of parents in the same family. This is how different we all are.
 
Allah has said in the Quran that He made us to proceed from a pair and created diversity within us so that we may know eachother. SubhanAllah, there is volumes said in this little portion.  He created us with diversity so that we may know eachother.
 
Guess, this is why no relationship equation can be a carbon copy of another.
 
Cannot say for sure which type of marriage is more likely to be doomed. However, the times we are living in, pateince is wanning from our temperaments, forgiveness and easygoing attitudes are becoming less and less common - people need to be generous and accomodating in order for any relationship to continue.
Have always beleived that every marriage has the potential to survive or break - it takes two to tango!
 
 


Edited by Nausheen - 31 October 2012 at 6:25pm
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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