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Abu Loren
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Topic: Divorce
    Posted: 30 October 2012 at 2:52am
As'alaamu Alaikkum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
The reason for this thread is to discern what people feel about the issue of divorce in societies today. Not very long ago divorce was frowned upon and people who divorced were thought of as outcasts in society and some were mariginalised and pitied. However, the divorce rate of today is astronomical throughout the world, transcending religion, culture and ethinicity.
In Islam divorce is approved and granted religiously and culturally, so what I've found out is that there is a high percentage of divorce rate within Muslims. If I can give an example of divorce in India and Pakistan, the divorce rate is very high in Pakistan than in India. Of course, Pakistan is an Islamic country and India has a mixture of religions and cultures within. In India it is still frowned upon if people decide to divorce, this is mainly in the Hindu and Christian cultures.
 
In the West, the divorce rate is soaring for varying reasons. I remember not long ago the mention of divorce was quiet shameful for a couple living in the West, but over time divorce rate increased and became the 'norm.' Nowadays if a man has grown tired of his wife because of her looks or she has put on extra pounds of flesh, all he has to do is look for a younger and prettier wife.
 
The answer to the question of divorce is pretty obvious but I want members here to have an input into the reason they think divorce is becoming popular.
 
If divorce was prohibited religiously, morally and culturally would there be less instances of divorce tthroughout the world?
 
Salaam
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 30 October 2012 at 7:16am
Originally posted by Abu Loren



so what I've found out is that there is a high percentage of divorce rate within Muslims. If I can give an example of divorce in India and Pakistan, the divorce rate is very high in Pakistan than in India. Of course, Pakistan is an Islamic country and India has a mixture of religions and cultures within. In India it is still frowned upon if people decide to divorce, this is mainly in the Hindu and Christian cultures.


Interesting theory of yours. Any stats to support this?
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Matt Browne
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Quote Matt Browne Replybullet Posted: 30 October 2012 at 7:31am
It is much easier for a Muslim man to get a divorce, if religion sets the rules (talaq i.e. 9 words and that's it). In the West, the looking for a young trophy wife is a stereotype, because when celebrities do it and can afford it, it gets media attention.

There are numerous reasons for increasing divorce rates: stress, pressure, selfishness, lack of conflict management skills, declining peer pressure not to divorce and so forth. To me personally, the number one reason is increasing perfectionism. People foolishly expect perfect weddings and perfect partners. Instead people have to learn to live with an imperfect partner. Accepting imperfection is the key to a lasting marriage.

Yes, if divorce was prohibited religiously, morally and culturally there would be lower divorce rates. Check out the history of Catholic countries such as Ireland. But this can be problematic. What if the husband is a tyrant?



Edited by Matt Browne - 30 October 2012 at 7:32am
A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt
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Quote Matt Browne Replybullet Posted: 30 October 2012 at 7:35am
I searched for worldwide statistics of divorce rates, but couldn't find a list with all countries. This one lists the top 34

http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate


A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 30 October 2012 at 7:51am
Well, looks like some are reconciling after divorce...maybe it wasn't so bad after all.
 
 
 

Turns out that divorce may not be "the end" for many couples after all.

According to one new study, a significant number of divorcing parents were open to saving their marriage and would even try professional reconciliation services -- despite having already filed for divorce.

The report, released in late September, surveyed nearly 2,500 divorcing couples with children. Participants were asked, "Even at this point, do you think your divorce could be prevented if one or both of you works hard to save the marriage?" They were also asked to respond "yes," "no" or "maybe" to the following statement: "If the court offered a reconciliation service, I would seriously consider trying it."

The findings were surprising: either one or both partners in about 45 percent of couples indicated that they still had hope for the marriage as well as a possible interest in reconciliation. Overall, men were more likely to say that their marriage could be saved and were more willing to try a professional reconciliation service.

The study's conclusions lay the groundwork for a legislative proposal aimed to reduce the number of "unnecessary" divorces in the U.S. "The Second Chances Act," published Friday by the Institute of American Values (a conservative organization designed to "strengthen families"), proposes a one-year waiting period for divorce and mandatory education about reconciliation for couples with minor children.

We asked William J. Doherty, a family social science professor at the University of Minnesota and the study's lead researcher, to help us get a better understanding of these findings.

HP: Based on your findings, more men than women believed that their marriage could still be saved with hard work--specifically, about 1 in 3 men as compared to 1 in 5 women. Men were also more likely to be willing to try a reconciliation service. Were you surprised by these results?

WD: I was not surprised, because I think that the function of who initiates the breakup is important and often more women initiate the breakup of marriages than men do. So the person that is broken-up on is more likely to be the one who wants to try to save it. So I think that's what we have: that women, or the person who is thinking of the divorce, doesn't talk about it very much. They may talk to their friends about it, they may take to their therapists about it. But the one who is broken-up upon--"the leavee"--is usually surprised when the announcement comes. And it takes them a while to get their minds around what's happening...and they would really like to try to save it. The person who is "the leaver" has been rehearsing this for months or years--and they are therefore less apt, although it's something that they still do, they're less apt to be thinking of getting help for reconciling.

HP: In your study, individuals who were "earlier" in the divorce process were also more likely to think that their marriage could be saved. Do you have any ideas why this might be, from a therapist's point of view?

WD: A lot of damage gets done in the divorce process itself. The further along you are [in the divorce process], the closer you are to the disillusion of the marriage. The more chances there are to feel like you're being shafted by your spouse. The more likely someone has a new boyfriend or girlfriend. The more likely, even the person who did not want the divorce--the more they're likely they are to resign themselves to it. So, we have data now from three stages--from the lawyer's office, to right after filing, to after taking a class. At each earlier stage there's more ambivalence about the divorce and more openness to getting help.

HP: Among those surveyed, 54 percent indicated that they had received marriage counseling. Did you see any connection between those with counseling to those who believed that their marriage could possibly be saved?


WD: No, that was one of the interesting things. We looked at predictors of who might be interested in reconciliation services...and whether they had marriage counseling or not did not matter.

HP: Overall, what does your research tells about the divorce process?

WD: There's a lot more ambivalence about "following through" on the divorce than anyone of us realized. The outsider's perspective is that when people decide to get divorced and contact the lawyer and so on--it's over. We all line up accordingly. The marriage counselors decide to do divorce counseling, and the family members say things they never said before about your spouse. But inside a marriage, there is a lot more ambivalence and volatility. And that's what we've learned. We now have a project where we're working with these couples that are interested in help, and that's what we see: that week-to-week, and month-to-month, people change their minds.

 



Edited by abuayisha - 30 October 2012 at 8:07am
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nothing
 
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Quote nothing Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 12:20am
Originally posted by Abu Loren

If divorce was prohibited religiously, morally and culturally would there be less instances of divorce tthroughout the world?
 
Salaam

I think it would but it would be very torturous life. Why would I, or any of us stay together with the hated one, because religion or somebody's opinion or the surrounding custom forbids the separation? In many cases separation is blessing for us, and I found it so. Just like death which is the great blessing for us, which most of us feared by it.

The bulk majority of reason in divorce cases are the third party involvement: friends, neighbors, cousins, uncles, aunties, brothers, sisters, parents, children and who else.

Another reason is controlling.
The husband states that his wife must stays home, that is control. The wife insist in handling the finance, another method of control. You know some people living in this world by instruction of somebody else. Commonsense sound like an abnormality.

Another reason is boring face.
For an example a couple been married for 30 or more years and all this time they busy with their own works whatever that is. So the time for retirement finally arrived, and what happen? They get bored seeing their beloved partner for all sudden always in the front of their noses every minute. A day feel like a century, because they don't know what to do with their time.

Economic reason is distant no:4.
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Abu Loren
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 12:28am
Originally posted by Chrysalis

Originally posted by Abu Loren



so what I've found out is that there is a high percentage of divorce rate within Muslims. If I can give an example of divorce in India and Pakistan, the divorce rate is very high in Pakistan than in India. Of course, Pakistan is an Islamic country and India has a mixture of religions and cultures within. In India it is still frowned upon if people decide to divorce, this is mainly in the Hindu and Christian cultures.


Interesting theory of yours. Any stats to support this?
 
As'alaamu Alaikkum
 
I cannot provide any stats, however if you trawl through the internet there are many articles which in fact do state that there are a significant higher rate of divorce in Pakistan than in India per capita. It is also true that the subject of divorce is still taboo in India even in the 21st century.


Edited by Abu Loren - 31 October 2012 at 12:28am
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Abu Loren
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 12:33am
Originally posted by nothing

Originally posted by Abu Loren

If divorce was prohibited religiously, morally and culturally would there be less instances of divorce tthroughout the world?
 
Salaam

I think it would but it would be very torturous life. Why would I, or any of us stay together with the hated one, because religion or somebody's opinion or the surrounding custom forbids the separation? In many cases separation is blessing for us, and I found it so. Just like death which is the great blessing for us, which most of us feared by it.

The bulk majority of reason in divorce cases are the third party involvement: friends, neighbors, cousins, uncles, aunties, brothers, sisters, parents, children and who else.

Another reason is controlling.
The husband states that his wife must stays home, that is control. The wife insist in handling the finance, another method of control. You know some people living in this world by instruction of somebody else. Commonsense sound like an abnormality.

Another reason is boring face.
For an example a couple been married for 30 or more years and all this time they busy with their own works whatever that is. So the time for retirement finally arrived, and what happen? They get bored seeing their beloved partner for all sudden always in the front of their noses every minute. A day feel like a century, because they don't know what to do with their time.

Economic reason is distant no:4.
 
Interesting comment Mr. nothing. When you look at the examples of arranged marriages in India, for example, you see that people do stay together till death even if they are unhappy. Now you can argue that it is a torurous life for the couple concerned, on the other hand you have to admire them for staying together even if unhappily.
 
Who knows the answers? May be this is one of the reasons why Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala has granted Muslims to divorce. Allahu Alum!
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