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Message Icon Topic: Do our personalities radiate energies? Post Reply Post New Topic
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Matt Browne
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Quote Matt Browne Replybullet Posted: 30 October 2012 at 8:01am
I don't think that there is something off about the pious sister and I don't think that she is the type of person who is needy. As Nausheen described it, she is very genuine and sincere in her friendship. There is a scientific explanation for your low spirited feelings. Professional psychologists call it negative mystery moods. There are plenty of articles about the phenomenon. Here are two examples:

http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/mystmood.htm

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=what-just-happened

'Have you ever been in a bad mood that you couldn't explain and wondered what put you in a funk? Tanya Chartrand, a researcher at Ohio State University found that such negative mystery moods can occur when people fail at a goal that they didn't even know they had. Tanya Chartrand, assistant professor of psychology, said such nonconscious goals can have significant effects on how we feel and act, and even on how well we achieve other goals. "If you succeed at a goal you didn't know you had, you're in a good mood and don't know why," Chartrand said. "But if you fail at a nonconscious goal, you're put into this negative mystery mood."

Non-conscious goals (those of which we are not aware) can put us in positive or negative mystery moods. A non-conscious goal might be one that has become so automatic you do not even realize you are still pursuing it.'

Now the question is: What is your non-conscious goal? I can only speculate. You have to look into your goals. Perhaps you like to be more pious when you practice your religion, but sometimes you fail? Perhaps the pious sister is more disciplined and this is your goal too.


A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 8:09am
Thank you everyone for the inputs.
Thank you for the duas from AbuAisha, Hadith from Abu Loren, links from Matt Browne and all the general advise.
 
Perhaps something is wrong with me.
Analysing myself :-
Ive just finished a 45 mins online Quran lesson, in which we looked into just three verses - primarily talking about the worth of this world in comparison to the hereafter. I do not feel any despiritedness or tiredness. Im happy when I do these lessons. Alahmdulillah.
 Its not just religious talk that pulls me down or makes me sad. I dont know if its her approach to religion and Allah which has this affect on me.
 
One thing I know for sure is - she lives 15km away whcih means I have to drive back and forth all this way to meet and I hate driving. My head starts spinning when Im at the wheel for so long - that too in busy traffic. That could be one reason. Another is - I do not intend to go for a dars but whatever we talk is only religious talk - how could this be tiring - Im ashamed of myself, but there is no light hearted conversation.
 
She is more pious definitely, and I need to work better on myself to be like her, as Matt pointed out. My goals are similar. It could be that Im disappointed with myself after meeting her. Should this not motivate me to work better? The effect s oposite though.
 
I had discussed this with my mother who said perhaps the shaytan is at work here - I should oppose my nafs and meet her more. Though my nafs is telling me to avoid her.
 
Im situated in Japan. I cannot walk into a mosque to pray, but the natural beauty here automatically attracs one to the spiritual side. We live in countryside.There are lots of woods, and mountains - very little distraction. In fact if I drive into the woods, can find plenty of serene spots to sit and enjoy nature - very comforting.
 
 Im thinking, it could be that Im depressed otherwise - some things are quite stressful at the moment. should this affect how I feel with a particular person?
 
One of the suggestions here was to do that which lifts my spirits - its a drive into the nature, and studying the Quran. I will try and do this more and let you know inshAllah.
 
Jazakum Allahu khairan
 
 
 
 
 
 
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 9:08am
Wow, what a blessing and comfort it must be to have a mother to speak with.  Indeed my life at times is also very stressful, and I take great solace from just hearing my mom's voice.  Anyway, Nausheen, know that we love you for the sake of Allah - wishing you good in this life and the next.  Don't be too hard on yourself.
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 10:00am
Originally posted by Nausheen

Thank you everyone for the inputs.
Thank you for the duas from AbuAisha, Hadith from Abu Loren, links from Matt Browne and all the general advise.
 
Perhaps something is wrong with me.
Analysing myself :-
Ive just finished a 45 mins online Quran lesson, in which we looked into just three verses - primarily talking about the worth of this world in comparison to the hereafter. I do not feel any despiritedness or tiredness. Im happy when I do these lessons. Alahmdulillah.
 Its not just religious talk that pulls me down or makes me sad. I dont know if its her approach to religion and Allah which has this affect on me.
 
One thing I know for sure is - she lives 15km away whcih means I have to drive back and forth all this way to meet and I hate driving. My head starts spinning when Im at the wheel for so long - that too in busy traffic. That could be one reason. Another is - I do not intend to go for a dars but whatever we talk is only religious talk - how could this be tiring - Im ashamed of myself, but there is no light hearted conversation.
 
She is more pious definitely, and I need to work better on myself to be like her, as Matt pointed out. My goals are similar. It could be that Im disappointed with myself after meeting her. Should this not motivate me to work better? The effect s oposite though.
 
I had discussed this with my mother who said perhaps the shaytan is at work here - I should oppose my nafs and meet her more. Though my nafs is telling me to avoid her.
 
Im situated in Japan. I cannot walk into a mosque to pray, but the natural beauty here automatically attracs one to the spiritual side. We live in countryside.There are lots of woods, and mountains - very little distraction. In fact if I drive into the woods, can find plenty of serene spots to sit and enjoy nature - very comforting.
 
 Im thinking, it could be that Im depressed otherwise - some things are quite stressful at the moment. should this affect how I feel with a particular person?
 
One of the suggestions here was to do that which lifts my spirits - its a drive into the nature, and studying the Quran. I will try and do this more and let you know inshAllah.
 
Jazakum Allahu khairan
  
 
 
What I've noticed is that you haven't mentioned a husband or children. Loneliness can also lead to depression, human beings aren't meant to be alone, the reason why Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala created mates for us.
 
No offence, but from the outside it looks like you are a career woman. What happens to career women is that when they get old they look back at their life and say to themself "if only I did this or that...".
 
If you indeed are single, find a man, get married and start a family. That's probably the blessing that you are looking for Insha'Alla.
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 5:58pm
Thank you AbuAyisha,
 
Indeed my mother is a blessing, alhamdulillah.
The dua for the one who says what you said is ... May He love you for whose sake you love me, ameen.
 
Abu Loren,  thank you for your kind words. You make me smile!
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Matt Browne
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Quote Matt Browne Replybullet Posted: 01 November 2012 at 5:31am
You should treasure your career and a life of learning, Nausheen. Everything else will fall into place. A lot of women become depressed from having married a dominant husband trapped in dark ages thinking.

A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt
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Abu Loren
 
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 01 November 2012 at 5:36am
Originally posted by Matt Browne

You should treasure your career and a life of learning, Nausheen. Everything else will fall into place. A lot of women become depressed from having married a dominant husband trapped in dark ages thinking.

 
No amount of learning nor a high flying career can beat a fulfilling and wholesome family life, where the wife happily looking after the home and children, listening to her husband with wide adoring eyes and obeying his every command. This is the proper relationship structure between a man and a woman.
 
If you are happy with a woman wearing the trouers at home then that tells me you are not a real man.
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Matt Browne
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Quote Matt Browne Replybullet Posted: 06 November 2012 at 7:10am
Originally posted by Abu Loren


No amount of learning nor a high flying career can beat a fulfilling and wholesome family life, where the wife happily looking after the home and children, listening to her husband with wide adoring eyes and obeying his every command. This is the proper relationship structure between a man and a woman.
 
If you are happy with a woman wearing the trouers at home then that tells me you are not a real man.


Well, my friend, I recommend building a time machine, which will allow you to travel back to the dark ages. I prefer the 21st century. And most smart Muslim women do so too.



Edited by Matt Browne - 06 November 2012 at 7:11am
A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt
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