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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
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janeausten
 
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Quote janeausten Replybullet Posted: 24 October 2012 at 11:33pm
Originally posted by Ghazzali

Sister, it's the same sun that rises everyday, it's the same bird that sings everyday, it's the same path that leads to your house everyday. I guess it's pretty boring as well.


I trust you are not referring to God's Creations as boring? Doesn't the Quran constantly exhort people (which includes men and women) to study His Signs - some of which include things in nature, such as the sun, the moon, the earth, the sky, the orbiting stars? Did Allah ever write in the Quran that nature is boring, don't study it, don't reflect on it? What, I don't have the right to ask to go outside and see the sun once in a while? Who knows, maybe by reflecting on the beauty of the moon or listening to a bird, or thinking about how Allah controls the sun and the clouds, it might increase my faith? Is that not what is written in the Quran - that these are Signs for those who believe? Or are these Signs in nature only for men? Try again.

Edited by janeausten - 24 October 2012 at 11:34pm
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janeausten
 
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Quote janeausten Replybullet Posted: 24 October 2012 at 11:36pm
Originally posted by Ron Webb

Maybe the husband find get another apartment for his wife and daughter in a safer area of Bangladesh (if there is such a thing), and split his time between the two residences. Maybe he can help her to integrate into the Bangladesh community in some way (language classes, social clubs, charities -- I don't know, my unfamiliarity with the culture is showing here).
And I don't know how to put this delicately, but it's always worth remembering that all things are temporary. Circumstances may change, and if nothing else his responsibilities to his parents will come to a natural end at some point. In the meantime, the trick is often just to take it day by day and get through it as best we can.


So well said. Thank you. Points noted.

Just to clarify: he has said he won't get another place due to his parents. And I have brought up many times your other point (regarding language classes, social clubs, charities), but that was also not allowed.

Thanks, though, Ron.
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 31 October 2012 at 8:50am
Im surprised some of us can even think/ say thatthe sun and fresh air could be boring.
Fresh air is needed for physical health sun for mental health (not to mention the vit D3 we debated in another thread) - our neurotransmitters that keep elevated moods have a lot to do with their release in sunlight. Many places which experience extended periods of cloud cover, people in general are found to be more depressed.
 
Answering Jane's question - no you are not being unreasonable/ungrateful to ask for more freedom.
You said the brother's wife enjoys that freedom. How is your relationship with her? Can you not accompany her on some of her outings?
 
I think it would a wonderful idea to live there in winters while spend the summer in Canada.
 
While you are in BD, try to learn the language. Try to interact with the servants, they are fun trust me, and you will get to learn so much about the culture.
Take a hobby, it could be knitting, embroidery, gardening or anything that is creative along with keeping you busy.
 
Do you have internet in BD? Do they not have extended family where you can find a social circle, may be? 
Have you ever thought of handwriting letters to your friends and family back at home in Canada -
trying to brainstorm ideas to keep you busy and interested at home while you are in this little prison of yours.
 
Good luck dear sister!
 
 
 
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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janeausten
 
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Quote janeausten Replybullet Posted: 01 November 2012 at 9:40pm
Dear Nausheen,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I appreciate it greatly.

I was very strongly warned by my husband and his parents NOT to mix too much with my younger sister-in-law; my mil would try to prevent me from talking with her for long (by calling me away and warning me not to talk with her). They were opposed to the marriage on the grounds that she's a native Bengali (different than them), and they believe she might do 'black magic' on the family (I'm not kidding!). They are totally serious on this point. They`re always saying prayers and then blowing on top of food or water that she`s touched to ward off any supposed black magic. My husband was also VERY opposed to my creating any sort of friendship with her because of what his parents have said against her (that she will break up the family, run off with property or money!). I just didn`t have the courage to go against my husband and his parents, so I did as they instructed. I was polite but distant, as mil kept a very watchful eye on how much we interacted. Now we have a very formal, just hi-hello type of communication, not much beyond that.

It would have been great if my inlaws had taken pity on me and told me, Go ahead and go out with her once in a while, since she speaks the language.

As for your other suggestions, yep I talk endlessly with the servants; they have kept me sane in that house. Without them, I`d have gone mad. But they are there from 11am-3pm, then 8-10pm, and they are very busy with their own chores. But I do have a great relationship with them; I talk to them as much as possible, though they are not there all day and are very busy with their work. But yes, I depend on them a lot for conversation and passing time!

I do knit, embroider, and surf the web. I asked husband for seeds for gardening; he never brought it.

They do have extended family; infact my husband has 3 cousins in the same city. They are all female, married, with kids. I get along fabulously with them; his cousins adore me. Problem is, I`m not allowed to mingle with them unless my husband`s with me! And they live far from my inlaws` home - well not far, but due to the traffic congestion, it can take more than an hour to get there one way. So, logistically, it`s difficult to go over. I do call them when I`m bored, but they`re busy with their own lives too ... but I do try to follow this suggestion of yours and whenever possible, I call up his extended female relatives in the city and chat.

I kept myself busy there by learning the language and practicing infront of the servants. Letter writing was a great idea, but my husband would probably say that their postal system is not to be trusted & letters will get stolen there!

Your suggestions are great. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 03 November 2012 at 3:20am

Dear Jane,

Assalamualaikum

Originally posted by janeausten

Dear Nausheen,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I appreciate it greatly.

Was glad to be of any help to you Smile

Originally posted by janeausten

I was very strongly warned by my husband and his parents NOT to mix too much with my younger sister-in-law; my mil would try to prevent me from talking with her for long (by calling me away and warning me not to talk with her). They were opposed to the marriage on the grounds that she's a native Bengali (different than them), and they believe she might do 'black magic' on the family (I'm not kidding!). They are totally serious on this point. They`re always saying prayers and then blowing on top of food or water that she`s touched to ward off any supposed black magic. My husband was also VERY opposed to my creating any sort of friendship with her because of what his parents have said against her (that she will break up the family, run off with property or money!). I just didn`t have the courage to go against my husband and his parents, so I did as they instructed. I was polite but distant, as mil kept a very watchful eye on how much we interacted. Now we have a very formal, just hi-hello type of communication, not much beyond that.

It would have been great if my inlaws had taken pity on me and told me, Go ahead and go out with her once in a while, since she speaks the language.
Not that I know anything about your husband's sister in law, but black magic does exist, my mother says the bengalis are very good at it - India has a provice called West Bengal that touches its borders with BD, they speak the same language and share the same culture. Guess you;ve got tough luck there.
I would suggest you continue to take precautions.

Originally posted by janeausten

As for your other suggestions, yep I talk endlessly with the servants; they have kept me sane in that house. Without them, I`d have gone mad. But they are there from 11am-3pm, then 8-10pm, and they are very busy with their own chores. But I do have a great relationship with them; I talk to them as much as possible, though they are not there all day and are very busy with their work. But yes, I depend on them a lot for conversation and passing time!

I do knit, embroider, and surf the web. I asked husband for seeds for gardening; he never brought it.
Ask one of the servants to buy you seeds or small plants.
oh, btw, Im not sure about your situation, but I go shopping with [female]servants when Im bored at my mom's place. Have you ever thought of that.

Originally posted by janeausten

They do have extended family; infact my husband has 3 cousins in the same city. They are all female, married, with kids. I get along fabulously with them; his cousins adore me. Problem is, I`m not allowed to mingle with them unless my husband`s with me! And they live far from my inlaws` home - well not far, but due to the traffic congestion, it can take more than an hour to get there one way. So, logistically, it`s difficult to go over. I do call them when I`m bored, but they`re busy with their own lives too ... but I do try to follow this suggestion of yours and whenever possible, I call up his extended female relatives in the city and chat. [/QOUTE]
That sounds great.

[QUOTE=janeausten]I kept myself busy there by learning the language and practicing infront of the servants. Letter writing was a great idea, but my husband would probably say that their postal system is not to be trusted & letters will get stolen there!

Your suggestions are great. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.
If you are interested get busy learning Arabic. I started a couple of years ago, now Im able to understand portions of Quran here and there, its very uplifting for the soul.
If you want I can suggest you a coulpe of websites to look into.
 
IC is a great place to be, so keep visiting when you have time. Hope you will enjoy your stay with us Smile
 


Edited by Nausheen - 03 November 2012 at 3:24am
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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