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newmuslimah2012
 
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Quote newmuslimah2012 Replybullet Topic: please help
    Posted: 08 October 2012 at 5:49pm
ASSALAMU 'ALAIKUM- I am new to Islam, i recently converted after studying Islam for over two years. I have a boyfriend and we want to get married, but he has not told his parents about me. I am divorced with two children. he said that there is no way that they will ever accept it. it is very painful for both of us. please, if anyone has any advice... he said that he will do whatever it takes, but he would rather lie to them, and never tell them and marry me in secret. i told him that it will be more painful for them to think that he has never married at all and to not see their grandchildren, that it might take them awhile to accept it but in the long run they will be happier to know.
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Abu Loren
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 12 October 2012 at 11:04pm
Wa Alaikkum As'alaam

Do not marry a deceptive person. A muslim is to respect and be kind and merciful to his parents.

From what you say about him he sounds like a liar too. Sorry.
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hakeema
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Quote hakeema Replybullet Posted: 13 October 2012 at 5:03am
As-Salaam Aliakum,

Why he don't want to tell his parents?

I am with Abu Loren on this. I wouldn't married him.

Hakeema
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Caringheart
 
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Quote Caringheart Replybullet Posted: 13 October 2012 at 12:58pm
Can a thing begun in deception ever be blessed by God?
let alone by parents, whose blessing you should also want, and may need.  Don't let selfish impatience rob you of God's blessings.  Do as God would want you to do and accept His will in it.
To quote someone else:
"The right thing is rarely easy, and the easy thing is rarely right."


Edited by Caringheart - 13 October 2012 at 1:01pm
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newmuslimah2012
 
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Quote newmuslimah2012 Replybullet Posted: 13 October 2012 at 1:57pm
Jazzak for your advice. it is wise and received by me in gratitude for your attention.
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Idil
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Quote Idil Replybullet Posted: 24 October 2012 at 3:31pm
Asalamu Calykum sis,

Hope you are in good health and emaan. Glorified is Allah for having guided you to Islam and may ALLAH make the process easy for you. From what you have told us of this guy I would highly recommend you not to marry him, as you would be starting your marriage on the wrong note. Also please be sure to protect yourself against opportunist people, you never know what their real intentions are. I am sure you are good judge of character, however, sometimes  we get blindsided by love. If this man cannot even tell his parents that he is getting married and he wants to lie to them, he is up to no good sis. As your sister in Islam know that I care about you and sometimes I see Muslim men take advantage of our new Muslim sisters, so for this reason please be cautious. Hope all of our advice helps you in reaching a good decision. And again someone who lies is up to no good, whatever the case maybe. For some parents it is hard to accept the fact that their son`s might get married to someone who has children but believe eventually they will come around.


Edited by Idil - 24 October 2012 at 3:45pm
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Friendship
 
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Quote Friendship Replybullet Posted: 02 November 2012 at 12:56pm
Assalamu alaiki newMuslimah2012.

After congratulating you, it is with pains that I am advising you. This is because most of the followers of Muhammad are ignorant about his teaching.
First of all, the advice of parents to a male is not a condition to his marrying the one he loves. Secondly telling lies to his parents in this circumstances is not a sin, for it is better he marries you then to go dating women and committing sin. Thirdly, you do not need parental consent to get married. So if he loves you and promises to look after you and help your two children just get married according to the Sunna. Suspicion is a sin in the teaching of Muhammad.

Friendship 


Edited by Friendship - 02 November 2012 at 12:56pm
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 04 November 2012 at 8:45pm
Assalamulaiakum wa rahmatullah dear sister,

Gave a bit of thought to your situation and the replies that follow.

I dont think this man is beginning his life on a lie if he chooses not to tell a few people he is getting married.
A foundation based on lies would be a scenario where he'd tell you something which he is not, or ask you do something which you should not to lure you in marrying him.

May I ask, is this brother from Asian culture?

In Asian cultures many, many parents think they should control their children's lives including the decision of who to marry. If this brother is simply trying to circumvent that control, and his only choice is to reveal the facts after you are married to him - it is because he is left with not many choices - my personal opinion.

However, since others have cautioned you against him, it would be worthwhile to find out about his character, manners etc from the mosque he visits, or through families/friends who know him from sometime.

If you are native and he is not, make sure he is not using you to win a permanent resident status or some other legal benefit.

Please do istekharah before making any decision.

May Allah be your Protector and Guide, Ameen.
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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