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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
Message Icon Topic: Is a working woman to pay for anything in marriage Post Reply Post New Topic
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 04 July 2012 at 11:18pm
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 05 July 2012 at 7:40am
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 05 July 2012 at 8:11pm
Originally posted by Nausheen

Originally posted by Chrysalis

[Quote]

Unless he is being stingy. If a husband is miserly or stingy, the woman may take enough money to run household without husband's knowledge. She will not be sinned. (Hadith of Hinda and Abu Sufyan)
 
Would you please searcheable reference for this hadith.
 
Jazak Allahu khair.


Hind (bint 'Utba) said to the Prophet, "Abu Sufyan is a miserly man and I need to take some money of his wealth." The Prophet (saaws) said, "Take reasonably what is sufficient for you and your children." [Bukhari 9.291, Narrated 'Aisha]


"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 05 July 2012 at 8:21pm
While looking up hadith for Nausheen. I came across relevant texts that address the topic of post.

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. ... (Qur'an 4:34)

I remember reading somewhere that a scholar (or person?) was commenting that the role of Ameer of the house is earned and deserved, not a born right. If the husband fulfills his responsibilities as a leader (maintaining the family) then he deserves to be treated as leader. But if a man fails to fufill his obligations, the wife is not required to follow his lead. (unless his shortcomings have a genuine reason).

Advise to husbands by Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w):

..That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, clothe them as you clothe yourselves [Ahmed/sahih]

And the man is responsible for his household and will be asked about his responsibility [Bukhari]

Allah's Messenger (saaws) said, "The generous man is near Allah, near Paradise, near men and far from Hell, but the miserly man is far from Allah, far from Paradise, far from men and near Hell. Indeed, an ignorant man who is generous is dearer to Allah than a worshipper who is miserly." [Tirmidhi 1869, Narrated Abu Huraira]


"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Quote Munnim Replybullet Posted: 07 July 2012 at 11:25pm
Yes if we look at a puristic approach, then yes it's true, I am the provider of my wifes well being and her needs and our common household expenses. As I stated initially, this is not the issue. Because puristicly, I can object to her working, because many of her collegues are men. I can decide what the money goes to and have her ask for every dollar. I can even beat her up, if she is out of control. Those are my rights. I am asking for the more complex issue. As she/we like to maintain our current lifestyle, even enhance it (by buying a house dobble the cost of current one) then it is beyond what I can provide. And even if I propose renting, because I don't wish to commit to paying interest and she objects to that, then what is a boy to do? And as she is asking for more than what she needs and what I can provide and she has means to realize those wishes, is she then still entitled to ask/expect it of me in leu of our setup not completely reflecting the classic Islamic couple referred to in the Quran and the Hadiths? This is why I am asking, not because I am stingy. The paths that have been discussed are all problematic and I don't wish to have to beat my wife because rights become a principle.
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 09 July 2012 at 2:50pm
Because puristicly, I can object to her working, because many of her collegues are men.


You can't object to her working based on the fact that her colleagues are men. Unless you yourself work in a male-only environment and never interact with the opposite gender yourself.

 
I can decide what the money goes to and have her ask for every dollar.


Lol! No you can't.

You can't ask her for a single dollar. Nor can you tell her how or where to spend it. You only have a say over the money you earn.

I can even beat her up, if she is out of control.


Yeah, and she can slap a lawsuit on you.. and sue you for damages.

Even in an Islamic State, if the husband steps out of line and decides to beat up his wife, she can take him to court or divorce him.

Its funny how you think Islam gives you the right to beat her up, but you have no clue about the responsibilities Islam puts on you. Classic!

I am asking for the more complex issue. As she/we like to maintain our current lifestyle, even enhance it (by buying a house dobble the cost of current one) then it is beyond what I can provide.


Well, then be a man and talk to her logically. Tell her you can't afford one. Fullstop. She can't make you buy a house double-the-cost on gunpoint. There is nothing in Islam that asks you to go beyond your means.

And even if I propose renting, because I don't wish to commit to paying interest and she objects to that, then what is a boy to do?


Put your foot down. If you can't afford it.. you can't afford it. You need to focus on the issue at hand with her and tell her clearly what the problem is... don't bring in her money and her job into the discussion. If you feel you can't handle it, talk to her parents then.

And as she is asking for more than what she needs and what I can provide and she has means to realize those wishes, is she then still entitled to ask/expect it of me in leu of our setup not completely reflecting the classic Islamic couple referred to in the Quran and the Hadiths?


Yes, she is still entitled to her financial rights from you. Your inability to communicate your financial limits to her should not effect your other financial responsibilities.

What do you think is the ''classic islamic couple referred to in Quran and Hadith''? From what you have told us, you seem to be the one that has a problem with the way things were set out by Quran and Sunnah.

This is why I am asking, not because I am stingy. The paths that have been discussed are all problematic and I don't wish to have to beat my wife because rights become a principle.


Are you for real? Wife-beating is not your right! For someone who is portraying himself as very modern and educated - deep down you have major insecurities.

Before you married your wife, were you thinking that her bank balance would be at your disposal? Were there any confusions about the bread-winner and man-woman responsibilities? You married an independent, working woman... but now that she is displaying the traits you married her for, you have a problem with it.








Edited by Chrysalis - 09 July 2012 at 2:51pm
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 09 July 2012 at 2:50pm
Munnim, judging from the way you have described your wife I'm sure there isn't any concern about you beating her up - she knows her rights, and beating her up is not one of them.  To take your argument to its logical conclusion, why pray five times a day? You may have to make hajj and become sick from all the people gathered together.  As a matter of fact, why even ask your question on an Islamic discussion board?  Isn't it too problematic?
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Munnim
 
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Quote Munnim Replybullet Posted: 09 July 2012 at 7:20pm

4:34 (Asad) MEN SHALL take full care of women with the bounties which God has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, Asad(4,42) [42] and with what they may spend out of their possessions. And the right­eous women are the truly devout ones, who guard the intimacy which God has [ordained to be] guar­ded. Asad(4,43) [43] And as for those women whose ill-will Asad(4,44) [44] you have reason to fear, admonish them [first]; then leave them alone in bed; then beat them; Asad(4,45) [45] and if thereupon they pay you heed, do not seek to harm them. Behold, God is indeed most high, great!

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