IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum: Is a working woman to pay for anything in marriage

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Originally posted by Munnim

Dear Nausheen, 
You are also only saying what is popular belief. And having a situation where the man becomes limited in his choices for himself and his family because of the financial burden that is expected of him to carry and popular perception dictates, whereas the woman can over-power him with her continuous increase of equity, does not reflect on what we know to true of the spirit of Islam. And what you say also gets contradicted in that my wife can not control how I spend the money on the household, because if I say no, then she can get it anyway. This disturbs everything we know about men and women. And men are not working donkeys, men are also highly regarded in the eyes of Allah. Read this verse 4:32, it says 'men shall have the benefit of what they earn and women shall have the benefit of what they earn'. 
If the world was as you suggest no poor man could or should get married and no man with reasonable money would then marry any woman with any means, as it is not human nature to be wanting to give to those who have more than oneself and wishes to give nothing back. So what you say cannot be the whole truth. Although many preache it all the time. My wife and her friends joke with 'your money is my money, and my money is my money'. Men are not donkeys. And if women carry this narrative forward, I foresee it wil carry conditions to times when women were held down. And as I have shown you, at least one place in the Quran, says that what any of you say is conclusive. 

ouch!!

Author	Message
Nausheen Female Islam Senior Member Senior Member Joined: 10 January 2001 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 4146	Posted: 02 July 2012 at 9:23pm
	*Originally posted by Munnim* Dear Nausheen, You are also only saying what is popular belief. And having a situation where the man becomes limited in his choices for himself and his family because of the financial burden that is expected of him to carry and popular perception dictates, whereas the woman can over-power him with her continuous increase of equity, does not reflect on what we know to true of the spirit of Islam. And what you say also gets contradicted in that my wife can not control how I spend the money on the household, because if I say no, then she can get it anyway. This disturbs everything we know about men and women. And men are not working donkeys, men are also highly regarded in the eyes of Allah. Read this verse 4:32, it says 'men shall have the benefit of what they earn and women shall have the benefit of what they earn'. If the world was as you suggest no poor man could or should get married and no man with reasonable money would then marry any woman with any means, as it is not human nature to be wanting to give to those who have more than oneself and wishes to give nothing back. So what you say cannot be the whole truth. Although many preache it all the time. My wife and her friends joke with 'your money is my money, and my money is my money'. Men are not donkeys. And if women carry this narrative forward, I foresee it wil carry conditions to times when women were held down. And as I have shown you, at least one place in the Quran, says that what any of you say is conclusive. ouch!!
	Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Nausheen Female Islam Senior Member Senior Member Joined: 10 January 2001 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 4146	Posted: 02 July 2012 at 10:44pm
	Dear Munnim, I have another solution for you. Islamic, and fool proof. Perhaps the best one you can find in the given situation... Quit your job and become poor. Now you will be entitled for Zakat. Since your wife is a rich lady, she should be paying zakat. Ask her to give her zakat money to you. Use this money to run the house. In this way you will make your wife run the house with her money
	Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Munnim Newbie Joined: 19 June 2012 Online Status: Offline Posts: 15	Posted: 02 July 2012 at 11:14pm
	Wow Nausheen, exactly something my wife could have said. I will do my own study and find answers, because 'my money is my money and your money is my money' doesn't suit any logical idea or religion. That is taking one argument to an extreme and disregarding the other. Can call it being selfish even.
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Nausheen Female Islam Senior Member Senior Member Joined: 10 January 2001 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 4146	Posted: 03 July 2012 at 10:36pm
	Really? Are you saying that she would not have any problem feeding you, clothing you and sheltering you if you were a needy person? How could such a person be selfish? You've got a problem with her being rich and not having to take care of her needs in presence of your income. If this is the case, you do have a serious problem. If she did not have a job would you not be maintaining her? If you wont have a problem in that case, I don't understand why you don't want to readily do the same when she does have her own income. Islamically in your eyes her income should be non-existent to you. If someone offered a hand in marriage to me and said he would like me to contribute to the household expenses, I would reject his offer ... to me the very idea is out-right unislamic and thus non gallant. However if he was willing to take full responsibility and said he is going to spend 1/3rd of his monthly salary and save 2/3rd for something in future - I wouldn't have had a right to object with that. This was what I tried to explain to you in my first post. If you set limits on how much money is spent per month, your wife must obey ... she does not have too much say there. It is your right to run the house as per your financial plans. For instance, you don't have to maintain her car, if its beyond your means, or beyond your financial plans. You can tell her you can pay for a public transport only. If she still wants to keep a car, she can, and maintain it herself. If your royal wife is being extravagant with your money you have a right to put a check on that. Your money is your money. Your wife cannot spend it out without your permission. However she has a right to be maintained by you. maintainence does not mean you've got to spend every penny every month. However what appears from your posts is that your only problem is her pay cheque being accumulated in bank, while yours being spent on groceries, bills and mortgage. And you ask why this is not possible islamically. Basically you are questioning the law of Allah.
	Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Chrysalis Senior Member Joined: 25 November 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 2031	Posted: 04 July 2012 at 4:41am
	Your money is your money. Your wife cannot spend it out without your permission. Unless he is being stingy. If a husband is miserly or stingy, the woman may take enough money to run household without husband's knowledge. She will not be sinned. (Hadith of Hinda and Abu Sufyan) I have also heard the women may spend out of the husband's wealth for charity, and he shall get a reward for it.
	"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Chrysalis Senior Member Joined: 25 November 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 2031	Posted: 04 July 2012 at 4:42am
	*Originally posted by Munnim* Wow Nausheen, exactly something my wife could have said. I will do my own study and find answers, because 'my money is my money and your money is my money' doesn't suit any logical idea or religion. That is taking one argument to an extreme and disregarding the other. Can call it being selfish even. I think I'm starting to understand why your wife is so possessive about her money.
	"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Nausheen Female Islam Senior Member Senior Member Joined: 10 January 2001 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 4146	Posted: 04 July 2012 at 9:17pm
	*Originally posted by Chrysalis* [ I have also heard the women may spend out of the husband's wealth for charity, and he shall get a reward for it. Partly true. Partly, because he gets the reward in the given case - true, but at the same time she gets the blame of giving it away without his permission. be careful! :)
	Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Nausheen Female Islam Senior Member Senior Member Joined: 10 January 2001 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 4146	Posted: 04 July 2012 at 9:19pm
	*Originally posted by Chrysalis* [Quote] Unless he is being stingy. If a husband is miserly or stingy, the woman may take enough money to run household without husband's knowledge. She will not be sinned. (Hadith of Hinda and Abu Sufyan) Would you please searcheable reference for this hadith. Jazak Allahu khair. Edited by Nausheen - 04 July 2012 at 9:20pm
	Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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