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Family Matter
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Munnim
 
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Quote Munnim Replybullet Topic: Is a working woman to pay for anything in marriage
    Posted: 19 June 2012 at 6:26am
Salamaleykum brothers and sisters.

I'm looking for guidance on the finances of marriage, I hope one or more of you can explain with some reliable and sourceable answers.

I work and my wife works. Each of our earnings are good hamdulillah. My wide has a good cushion in savings from before we got married as well, and I had none. Initially, we had talked about paying for living expenses both of us. But my wife now gives looks for me to take care of all expenses, as she grew up with that thought, she says. I had said she should put aside her savings from before and everything we made after getting married, would be our money. She then changed her mind to having it 50/50, which got me upset as I see that very reminiscent to dating. Anyway, now it is expected that I take it all on. I agreed, and the knowledge I had about it islamically and what I can find online does not take the situation into consideration. The man is responsible for taking care of his wife, his family, and the household. That is the easy to find knowledge. Now as she is working, she can keep her earnings to herself and spend on anything she likes. That is also established. But as she is making a good living, am I responsible for paying for her car expenses, which she needs to get to and from work? And do I have to provide pocket money for going to cinema or cafe with friends or buy things unnecessary, such as clothes and electronics? I took it that the money she earns namely is to go for those things 'anything she likes' and that in her not consulting with me whether she can, I am to pay for her to get there and back. As Islam is the most fair religion of all, how could these questions be yes? How can she put a huge nestegg together, when I paying everything double, will just about make ends meet? That must conclusively lead to an unhealthy power slide. Can I pay for all bills and shopping expenses and fulfill my duty?

Another question is about housing. We now live in my wife's house. I moved to the country that she lives in, so as to make life easier for her, in that I didn't have to get a new job, working at sea, whereas she would. I moved into her house and have payed towards it, but she is asking for me providing a house now. In that I have saved very little in the 8 months weve been married, can she make any claims in the type or size of house I can offer?

She has let me know that Muslim wives are not required to do any housework, that if the man want it done, he is responsible for getting done, which all sources confirm. Now what can I demand in return from my wife, with regards to fulfilling islamic duties? She is to obey my final decision it goes, but if she can not be asked to do any work in the house, then what is there to decide?

I will appreciate any contribution towards these issues and that they can help other Muslim couples in the clinch of the text and western living.


Sincerely
Muslim brother

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Pati
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Quote Pati Replybullet Posted: 22 June 2012 at 3:04pm
Hi,

I think you married a queen!!! You have to give her house, pay the expenses, cook, clean... she is so lucky!!! By the way, are you looking for a second wife? In case yes, just call me Wink (I AM KIDDING, Spanish humour).

Seriously, she has a work, she has money, she has a house... so just try to arrive to an agreement point. It's not fair to work and keep all the money for her, because you are married and you should share everything, but it's fair that everyone can keep part of the money for their own needs.

It's not fair to play a game without risking anything, she should collaborate on the couple and this is starting by the basic needs: house, food, cleaning, and all daily needs that a normal person can have.

Try to talk to her in nice way and tell her that this should be between both of you, because this will be the life plan of both, not only yours.

I think she is little selfish, and she should understand that even if she can keep her life as independent woman, there is no way to make a marriage work just asking for things, without giving anything. You should complete each other, not be face to face.

Good luck, and I hope you will not understand me wrong Embarrassed

Kind regards
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 22 June 2012 at 4:05pm
Be kind and generous to your wife within your ability.  Enjoy her and stop stressing out over money.  She is under no obligation to spend on you, and be glad she is saving money, because women usually outlive men and should this be the case, she will have income and not be forced to beg from others.  Clean the house yourself and you'll likely find she will help out, but she is under no obligation to clean simply because she is female.  If you can afford car expenses, a new home and anything else that will make her happy - spend and Allah will reward you with more.  Enjoy her and do not let money separate you from her.  No fun living alone my friend.

Edited by abuayisha - 22 June 2012 at 4:09pm
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Munnim
 
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Quote Munnim Replybullet Posted: 22 June 2012 at 11:28pm
Thank for the advice Pati and abuayisha. And it is welcome, but I'm looking for answers about how it should be islamically and if I am asked to honor the financial rights of the woman to the letter, what am I entitled to ask for, financially, bearing in mind that she does work.
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Munnim
 
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Quote Munnim Replybullet Posted: 23 June 2012 at 2:39am
And Pati, running 1 wife is cleaning me out, can not imagine taking care of more. Respect to those who handle that :)
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 23 June 2012 at 9:03am
It is your Islamic duty to support and maintain your wife completely.  She, even if rich beyond our dreams, does not have to contribute anything.  You can ask for whatever you want, but it is not your right to receive anything.  If she agrees to spend it is from her kindness only and not her duty.  Duty and obligation, both belong to you.  Her money is for her and she is under no compulsion islamically to give you anything.  She knows her rights, which is great!
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Quote Pati Replybullet Posted: 24 June 2012 at 5:14am
I will just add something to my last words: the Prophet PBUH, he married a rich woman, Khadiya, who gave him everything until becoming poor.

Is there anything more islamic than this example?

The selfish is not made for the marriage. To get married is the same than this ecuation:

1 + 1 = 1

It should be like this, you should not keep secrets, thinkings (well, only some of thems), problems, money or properties from your other half.

Good luck and I hope you will find your Islamic counseil.

Kind regards,
Patricia
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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Munnim
 
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Quote Munnim Replybullet Posted: 24 June 2012 at 10:28am
Dear Abuayisha, with rights come responsibility. I am looking for information to balance out the equation. I know it is not as clear cut as you put it. For one ayah 4:33 contradicts it. If we both stand back and claim our rights, it will be an unproductive standoff. Men And women should abstain from that. That would be great.
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