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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
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Asiyah38
 
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Quote Asiyah38 Replybullet Topic: Betrayal
    Posted: 20 May 2012 at 7:34am
As Salaam Wa Alaikum...

72 hrs ago I found that my husband has committed adultery. I have met this sister and confronted my husband only for him to walk away. The following day we spoke about his shortcomings & he basically gave me 3 days to decide whether to divorce him or work this out. At this point i am truly upset and confused. Yes I love him and we have an anniversary coming up on Monday 21st. although we have been down this road before...(the first time was when I came across a text message) and again he asked me to trust him. I did and now i am faced with betrayel. For the past 2 nights he's been sleeping in the basement he doesnt come up to our bedroom (he says he wants to give me some space & he knows im upset with him)...I can't look at him...I don't want him to touch me...I m hurt. I know Islam is a beautiful way of life...these feelings that i have is not beautiful. I am his wife...a blessing...he has admitted to me that he hasnt been truthful with me however since i found out about his betrayal he has come clean...I dont know what i want to do... I wanted to know what are the laws for asking him to leave the home until i can bring myself to know if in fact i want this marriage? At this point im so bitter and crushed...I have asked Allah to remove this from my heart and im constantly offering dua's... im still in a state of bitterness, hurt, & confused...tears!

Peace 2 All

~A
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 21 May 2012 at 8:04am

In Islam the burden of proof for accusing another of having sexual relations is very high and for a good reason.  It is a very big sin for which the penal code is applied.   Those Muslim who are living in the west and somehow fall into this sin, should, in my opinion, seek forgiveness from Allah and not tell anyone - especially their spouse.  Now that you know, it is your choice to remain in the marriage or leave.  If, in my opinion, your marriage, prior to knowledge of this occurrence was great - you love your husband, then you may want to consider whether to forgive, and move on, or not.  Allah has allowed divorce for a reason and you have every right to take this option.  Your husband made a bad mistake, and may very well become a better person given your understanding and support.   Think deeply about your ability to forgive and move on.  Are you able to live with this severe blow to trust in your relationship?  Certainly you are now sad and depressed, this is normal, but in time the pain will likely lessen.  It will not be easy.  Only time will heal your hurt feelings.  We ask Allah, Most High, to guide you to the best decision.  Laws regarding him leaving would depend upon where you live and safety issues.

"To Allah we belong and unto Him is our return.  Oh Allah! recompense me for my affliction and replace it for me with something better."  Insha'Allah, whoever says this supplication Allah will replace for him with something better..Muslim
عن ام سلمه رضي الله عنها قالت : سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول : ما من عبد تصيبه مصيبة ، فيقول : إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون : اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي ، واخلف لي خيرا منها، إلا أجره الله تعالى في مصيبته وأخلف له خيرا منها . قالت : فلما توفي أبو سلمة ، قلت كما أمرني رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فأخلف الله لي خيرا منه رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم . رواه مسلم

 

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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 24 May 2012 at 1:10am
Originally posted by abuayisha


"To Allah we belong and unto Him is our return.  Oh Allah! recompense me for my affliction and replace it for me with something better."  Insha'Allah, whoever says this supplication Allah will replace for him with something better..Muslim
عن ام سلمه رضي الله عنها قالت : سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول : ما من عبد تصيبه مصيبة ، فيقول : إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون : اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي ، واخلف لي خيرا منها، إلا أجره الله تعالى في مصيبته وأخلف له خيرا منها . قالت : فلما توفي أبو سلمة ، قلت كما أمرني رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فأخلف الله لي خيرا منه رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم . رواه مسلم

 



Salam Alaikum Sister...

My heart goes out to you...that is a very tough situation. May Allah help you and ease your troubles.

Has your husband been good to you apart from this mistake of his? If he has generally been good, and you have loved each other - then don't go for a divorce. Also, don't press him for details that you could not handle.

You will ofcourse need your time... think about how you would feel if you got a divorce. Do you imagine yourself happier? Or would you be more distressed? But only make the decision after you have thought about it for some time and calmed down a little. You are probably too distressed and hurt (rightfully so).


The above dua is very good. This is the dua that Umm-e-Salama (r.a) made when she got widowed and was in great distress. Allah responded to the dua and she got married to Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w). I also find this dua very beneficial, calming and soothing.

May Allah help you in your situation and give you patience and the ability to make the right decision. Ameen.

"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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HalaHala2012
 
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Quote HalaHala2012 Replybullet Posted: 27 May 2012 at 11:08pm
Originally posted by abuayisha

In Islam the burden of proof for accusing another of having sexual relations is very high and for a good reason.  It is a very big sin for which the penal code is applied.   Those Muslim who are living in the west and somehow fall into this sin, should, in my opinion, seek forgiveness from Allah and not tell anyone - especially their spouse.  Now that you know, it is your choice to remain in the marriage or leave.  If, in my opinion, your marriage, prior to knowledge of this occurrence was great - you love your husband, then you may want to consider whether to forgive, and move on, or not.  Allah has allowed divorce for a reason and you have every right to take this option.  Your husband made a bad mistake, and may very well become a better person given your understanding and support.   Think deeply about your ability to forgive and move on.  Are you able to live with this severe blow to trust in your relationship?  Certainly you are now sad and depressed, this is normal, but in time the pain will likely lessen.  It will not be easy.  Only time will heal your hurt feelings.  We ask Allah, Most High, to guide you to the best decision.  Laws regarding him leaving would depend upon where you live and safety issues.

"To Allah we belong and unto Him is our return.  Oh Allah! recompense me for my affliction and replace it for me with something better."  Insha'Allah, whoever says this supplication Allah will replace for him with something better..Muslim
عن ام سلمه رضي الله عنها قالت : سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول : ما من عبد تصيبه مصيبة ، فيقول : إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون : اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي ، واخلف لي خيرا منها، إلا أجره الله تعالى في مصيبته وأخلف له خيرا منها . قالت : فلما توفي أبو سلمة ، قلت كما أمرني رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فأخلف الله لي خيرا منه رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم . رواه مسلم

 

Good advice.Thumbs%20Up
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