IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum: ADVICE PLEASE

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ILHAAM
Female Islam
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Joined: 13 November 2011
Location: South Africa
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Topic: ADVICE PLEASE
Posted: 13 November 2011 at 6:46am

as salaam

i am a muslim sister in desperate need of advice.. my husband and i are currently in a financial problem and things are very tough. we are staying with my parents, but my mother is very displeased with this. she is not happy and has told me that she doesnt want me here and i should go even if i must suffer its my problem. my father on the other hand wants to help us and doesnt have a problem that we stay with them until we can become stable.

i am confused because after 6 months of searching my husband and i found a decent place which we can live in but it costs R4000 and my husband earns only R7500/

we have a six month old baby and i am worried because we know it will be tough with all the household and general other expenses.

im looking for any advice that u can give.

should we stay on and make my dad happy or move out and make my mum happy.

plz help

a very very worried and stressed sister

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abuayisha

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Posted: 13 November 2011 at 4:56pm

What about help from your husband's family? I'd leave and attempt to carefully budget the remaining R3500. Has your mom mentioned why she is unhappy with having your family there? What is your concept of becoming stable? And how long do you anticipate it would take? Mothers are often central to happiness in any home and when she's unhappy - everyone else suffers. Make sure you leave on good terms if you do decide to leave. Make Mum happy, and know that whenever you give up something for Allah's pleasure (making your mom happy) he will replace that which you've given up with something better (a stable home). Also when faced with stress and worry, say; I am satisfied with Allah as my Lord and Islam as my religion and Prophet Muhammad as my prophet; and Allah will relieve your stress. Make istikhara (prayer for guidance) and put your trust in Allah. All the best for you and your family in this life and the next.

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Chrysalis

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Joined: 25 November 2007
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Posted: 17 November 2011 at 10:07pm

Originally posted by abuayisha

Mothers are often central to happiness in any home and when she's unhappy - everyone else suffers. Make sure you leave on good terms if you do decide to leave. Make Mum happy, and know that whenever you give up something for Allah's pleasure (making your mom happy) he will replace that which you've given up with something better (a stable home). Also when faced with stress and worry, say; I am satisfied with Allah as my Lord and Islam as my religion and Prophet Muhammad as my prophet; and Allah will relieve your stress. Make istikhara (prayer for guidance) and put your trust in Allah. All the best for you and your family in this life and the next.

"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."

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Wardah

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Joined: 16 October 2011
Location: Canada
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Posts: 19

Posted: 14 December 2011 at 10:40am

Salam sister

Brother Abuayeshah is right. And I would say it is always better for us to not depend upon others even parents, you can survive in 3500 inshaAllah, beside you can find work for your self, if you cant go out becuz of the baby than find something that you can do at home as a work and try to make some money. I know its not easy but it is better for you to stand on your own feet no matter how much you suffer. Mothers always love their children, if your Mom is not happy with your stay than may be there is something that you dont know but she knows.

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asheque

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Joined: 17 August 2011
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Posts: 93

Posted: 10 March 2012 at 8:27pm

Try to keep moving with your husband.
And pray to Allah.Only he can help you.

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Hayfa
Female Islam
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Joined: 07 June 2005
Location: United States
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Posts: 2370

Posted: 11 March 2012 at 12:24am

Salaams Sister,

It is difficult to know what to do. On one hand it is scary to "fear" the unknown. On the other hand your mother is right, you do need to "stand on your own feet." Sometimes we get too comfortable having someone support us when we are able-bodied.

Keep making prayers.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

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asheque

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Posted: 13 March 2012 at 8:30pm

When you believe one from your heart than you can remember that you may
get a good result from him.If you believe him than go ahead.

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Nausheen
Female Islam
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Joined: 10 January 2001
Location: Japan
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Posts: 4146

Posted: 19 March 2012 at 8:07pm

I wonder why your mother wants you to move out. Is it because of the financial burden on them or too much crowding in her home or anything else.

Perhaps you can sit and talk it out with your mother. If she feels a little relieved by your sharing some of the houshold expenses - then living as paying guests with your parents would be suitable.

On the other hand, if there are other issues involved then perhaps you may move out, and try to ask for financial help from your family and his, till you are a bit stable. Also there are a few work options from home, depending on your location. Even internet sometimes offers decent work opportunities - but again it will depend on where you are.

May Allah help you, and ease your troubles. Ameen

Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.

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Family Matter
IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter

Author	Message
ILHAAM Female Islam Starter Joined: 13 November 2011 Location: South Africa Online Status: Offline Posts: 1	Topic: ADVICE PLEASE Posted: 13 November 2011 at 6:46am
	as salaam i am a muslim sister in desperate need of advice.. my husband and i are currently in a financial problem and things are very tough. we are staying with my parents, but my mother is very displeased with this. she is not happy and has told me that she doesnt want me here and i should go even if i must suffer its my problem. my father on the other hand wants to help us and doesnt have a problem that we stay with them until we can become stable. i am confused because after 6 months of searching my husband and i found a decent place which we can live in but it costs R4000 and my husband earns only R7500/ we have a six month old baby and i am worried because we know it will be tough with all the household and general other expenses. im looking for any advice that u can give. should we stay on and make my dad happy or move out and make my mum happy. plz help a very very worried and stressed sister
	IP Logged

abuayisha Senior Member Joined: 05 October 1999 Online Status: Offline Posts: 3992	Posted: 13 November 2011 at 4:56pm
	What about help from your husband's family? I'd leave and attempt to carefully budget the remaining R3500. Has your mom mentioned why she is unhappy with having your family there? What is your concept of becoming stable? And how long do you anticipate it would take? Mothers are often central to happiness in any home and when she's unhappy - everyone else suffers. Make sure you leave on good terms if you do decide to leave. Make Mum happy, and know that whenever you give up something for Allah's pleasure (making your mom happy) he will replace that which you've given up with something better (a stable home). Also when faced with stress and worry, say; I am satisfied with Allah as my Lord and Islam as my religion and Prophet Muhammad as my prophet; and Allah will relieve your stress. Make istikhara (prayer for guidance) and put your trust in Allah. All the best for you and your family in this life and the next.
	IP Logged

Chrysalis Senior Member Joined: 25 November 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 2030	Posted: 17 November 2011 at 10:07pm
	*Originally posted by abuayisha* Mothers are often central to happiness in any home and when she's unhappy - everyone else suffers. Make sure you leave on good terms if you do decide to leave. Make Mum happy, and know that whenever you give up something for Allah's pleasure (making your mom happy) he will replace that which you've given up with something better (a stable home). Also when faced with stress and worry, say; I am satisfied with Allah as my Lord and Islam as my religion and Prophet Muhammad as my prophet; and Allah will relieve your stress. Make istikhara (prayer for guidance) and put your trust in Allah. All the best for you and your family in this life and the next.
	"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
	IP Logged

Wardah Newbie Joined: 16 October 2011 Location: Canada Online Status: Offline Posts: 19	Posted: 14 December 2011 at 10:40am
	Salam sister Brother Abuayeshah is right. And I would say it is always better for us to not depend upon others even parents, you can survive in 3500 inshaAllah, beside you can find work for your self, if you cant go out becuz of the baby than find something that you can do at home as a work and try to make some money. I know its not easy but it is better for you to stand on your own feet no matter how much you suffer. Mothers always love their children, if your Mom is not happy with your stay than may be there is something that you dont know but she knows.
	IP Logged

asheque Groupie Joined: 17 August 2011 Online Status: Offline Posts: 93	Posted: 10 March 2012 at 8:27pm
	Try to keep moving with your husband. And pray to Allah.Only he can help you.
	IP Logged

Hayfa Female Islam Senior Member Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 2370	Posted: 11 March 2012 at 12:24am
	Salaams Sister, It is difficult to know what to do. On one hand it is scary to "fear" the unknown. On the other hand your mother is right, you do need to "stand on your own feet." Sometimes we get too comfortable having someone support us when we are able-bodied. Keep making prayers.
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
	IP Logged

asheque Groupie Joined: 17 August 2011 Online Status: Offline Posts: 93	Posted: 13 March 2012 at 8:30pm
	When you believe one from your heart than you can remember that you may get a good result from him.If you believe him than go ahead.
	IP Logged

Nausheen Female Islam Senior Member Senior Member Joined: 10 January 2001 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 4146	Posted: 19 March 2012 at 8:07pm
	I wonder why your mother wants you to move out. Is it because of the financial burden on them or too much crowding in her home or anything else. Perhaps you can sit and talk it out with your mother. If she feels a little relieved by your sharing some of the houshold expenses - then living as paying guests with your parents would be suitable. On the other hand, if there are other issues involved then perhaps you may move out, and try to ask for financial help from your family and his, till you are a bit stable. Also there are a few work options from home, depending on your location. Even internet sometimes offers decent work opportunities - but again it will depend on where you are. May Allah help you, and ease your troubles. Ameen
	Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
	IP Logged