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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
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umm sakina
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Quote umm sakina Replybullet Topic: obedience to husband
    Posted: 15 May 2011 at 8:40pm
salam, everyone,
i've recently realized that in islam women are supposed to obey their husbands. since that is Allah's order, it is the best for everyone insha Allah. i am just wondering if other people know about this. if so, do you find it easy to practice it?
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semar
 
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Quote semar Replybullet Posted: 16 May 2011 at 12:08am

Salaam,

However there is a requirement for husband to get that "privilege". He is should be a "good" husband, not an abusive husband or irresponsible husband.


Edited by semar - 18 May 2011 at 12:28pm
Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"
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pure_columbian
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Quote pure_columbian Replybullet Posted: 16 May 2011 at 2:54am
Salaam
 
I don't think its as simple as saying "the husband has to be obeyed", as Semar has pointed out above, there are certain pre-requisite, such as the husband has to prove himself to be a good husband who treats his wife like all wives should be treated, with respect. If the husband asks the wife to do something she is uncomfortable wife or which goes against Islam then she has every right to refuse to obey such a request.
 
Before the wife "obeys" she needs to look at what is being asked of her by her husband.
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 16 May 2011 at 7:05am
..and there is the importance of shurah - consultation in the family.  It is certainly not a dictatorial matter...at least not in my household anyway.LOL
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umm sakina
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Quote umm sakina Replybullet Posted: 16 May 2011 at 2:45pm
Good Points. I know there are prerequisites and consultation. But if those are fulfilled and done then the husband has the final say...i am interested in hearing from women who let their husbands have the final say and how do they deal with it when they think they are right?
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Quote lady Replybullet Posted: 17 May 2011 at 6:42am
Walaakum salaams sister. I tried to post my comments twice but everything was erase mysteriously. Anyway, I do not have a problem with listening to my husband. He listens to me as well. We are best friends. Your statement is too vague so therefore I do not know how to answer it. I will say that both of you guys could be  right at the same time. Having a happy marriage means that you and he have to humble yourselves when there is a disagreement. If I am wrong, then I do not have to prove to my husband that my way is the right way. I will do what he tells me as long as it is not going against islam. He should do the same for me as well, which he does. And if he decides not to listen to me, then I have to still be true to myself. Which means that based on what he does, it should not change who you are and what your main focus is in life, which is to worship Allah (SWT). If you feel like you are being mistreated in any way, then you need to talk to him. If I feel mistreated by my husband, then I will go to him three times to ask him to change his action. I am the type of person who is straight forward, and so after three times if he did not change that behavior, then I will go to his family about him. If you do this then you should tell him first. I have a really close relationship with all his family members, and the last thing that he wants is for them to know that he is mistreating me. This goes both ways. I would not want my family to know if I was mistreating my husband. You and your husband should be best of friends, so therefore you need to talk to him about what you are telling us. If my husband was going against islam, then I would not follow him. If he tried not to give me my rights, then I would not listen to him.  Your house is suppose to be a place of freedom, and not a place of oppression. In order to get an idea of what you are talking about then you need to give us an example. It does not have to be your personal example, it could be a ficticious one. I still think that no matter what you say, your questions most likely would be answered from the first three repliers. I wish you the best.
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umm sakina
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Quote umm sakina Replybullet Posted: 17 May 2011 at 10:19am
thank you, lady! mA i am not having a problem with my husband but i am trying to write an article on the importance of obedience to one's husband. sisters usually get very sensitive so i was trying to get ideas from others on how they keep calm while being obedient. i loved your idea of going to him three times! thank you, umm sakina
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 17 May 2011 at 9:22pm
Good answers above..

It really depends upon intentions.  If I feel I am "right" it all depends upon the matter.. if its minor and trivial. I am not sure either of us cares all that much.. when there are problems, I think that usually one side or the other is "abusing" too much.

The hard part is if someone is not raised well and bring a lot if stuff to adulthood and a marriage. There are tons of examples of this. That is the tough part..


When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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