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Basics of Islam
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Amy1234
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Quote Amy1234 Replybullet Topic: Hijab
    Posted: 18 April 2011 at 3:48am
Al Salam Alaykom everyone,
I came to this forum looking for spiritual help and encouragement. I hope I find what I am looking for inashaAllah. I was born and raised in the US and I was born Muslim and grew up in a family with a lot of faith elhamdullilah. I always wanted to wear hijab and had the strongest urge to do so. When I got engaged, I had a plan to take that step after I get married. As soon as I got married...like the same day....my husband almost forced me (with his words) to wear it and turned this experience for me from something that I wanted badly to something that I resented. Although I felt very good the day I put it on, and I felt that I was doing the right thing, I still felt that this is not how I wanted to do this. He also made it difficult for me with all his negative comments about my clothes and he was at times very rigid and tough, he continued living his life normally...going to the beach and styling his hair and caring about fashion and everything which made it even harder for me. After a few years of feeling negative about it, I started feeling content with it and I accepted the reality because I always felt that it would be a crime to take it off. Now I live with my husband and his family in a resort town with nothing to do except the beach and water parks and watch tourists come and go. There are a few women in this whole entire town that cover their heads and I am constantly surrounded by women that don't wear it and don't respect it much either. I honestly keep it on just because I know that people here don't respect those who wear it...so I feel that I might be giving them a different point of view of people who cover. Now after living in this resort city for 3 years (it is extremelly hot in this place by the way) I am getting really weak and for the first time in my whole entire life, I feel jealous of anyone or anything. Now I am actually starting to feel jealous of people who just have a short sleeve shirt or a sleeveless shirt and a nice cotton dress and of those who go to the beach and can just swim and cool off and walk around with their hair wet and the wind blowing through it. When I do go to the beach, I feel like, I am the oldest one there..the hottest one and the one who's enjoying the least....watching the cake and everyone in my family enjoying it but can't touch it. When I told my husband that being in this town is not helping me and is weakening my faith and my urge to wear hijab...his response was that I am not content with my life and that I do not like all the good things about this town. I really do not know what to do any more. I am really starting to hate even walking out of my house with my family.....now my husband and my kids are constantly out with the rest of the family and friends and I am always alone because I don't feel that I belong. I thought many times about taking off my hijab but that thought makes me cry....that won't make me happy because I don't want to make Allah angry with me.
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islamispeace
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Quote islamispeace Replybullet Posted: 22 April 2011 at 11:55am
Walaikum as-salaam sister.  I am saddened to hear of your difficulties.  One thing you must keep in mind is that Allah (swt) tests us throughout our lives and it is clear to me that you are being tested.  You must have faith and be patient.  However, you must also remind your husband of his responsibilities towards you.  He is clearly not fulfilling his responsibilities as a husband.  As far as the other people in your town are concerned, you should not worry about what they think.  You should not be worried about trying to impress them, but rather worry about trying to impress Allah (swt).  It is hard, I know.  But, forget about what they think.  When you do that, you will find that walking out of the house and being involved with your family will be easy.  It is simply a matter of psychology.  You are more worried about what others think (specifically non-Muslims). 

I will pray that Allah (swt) will make things easier for you and keep you strong both in character and faith. 
Say: "Truly, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah, the Cherisher of the Worlds. (Surat al-Anaam: 162)

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Amy1234
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Quote Amy1234 Replybullet Posted: 22 April 2011 at 2:42pm
This was a very kind and sincere message. Thank you! It is really helpful to get encouragement from people with kind words. By the way, I usually do not care about what people think of me.....its just that I feel challenged by their presence around me and by what might appear like advantages that they have over me. Of course this is all from the shaitan....I have to keep on reminding myself of that.
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HBSB
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Quote HBSB Replybullet Posted: 25 April 2011 at 3:41am
Dear Amy,

Al salam Alaikom, dont ever think that you are facing this difficulty alone. Many other girls all over the word are fighting like you. Let me explain my situation for you, it might help.

I live in Jordan (which is considered an Islamic country) i have 5 sisters -non of them wear al hijab neither my husband's sisters.

I always feel like a stranger, in every gathering, wedding, or ceremony. Every time we meet i find my self messy trying to get everything i wear matches together, it much easier for them to find a suitable cloths and being stylish than i do.

I started to feel jealous of anyone and everything just like you since i was at the university and this feeling keeps to grow on especially after i got married 2 years ago. What shocked me most was when i discovered recently that my husband hates al hijab and that he is not satisfied at all of me wearing it. I know he loves me and this is not a big issue for him otherwise he wont proposed to me then.

Amy, at least you have a husband that encourages you to do so, you have a husband that you dont feel every time you go out together that he is not proud of you walking beside you wearing your hijab.

Honestly he didnt say a word to me, but i know him very much and i know that this is how he feels regarding this subject. i tried many times to ask him about it but he prefers to change the subject so i wont get a frank answer

As much s i love my husband but i love God (SWT) more, i pray many time a day for God to help me and give me the strength to fight for my hijab. I know some day God will respond to may prays and i'll find my husband a supporter rather than a repellent.

May God give us all his blessing and mercy so we could all stay attached to his straight path to heaven

take care
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Ghazzali
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Quote Ghazzali Replybullet Posted: 27 August 2011 at 2:41pm
Aassalamualaikum sister. May Allah increase ur patience. Whenever u feel frustrated, just think that this is the price u have to pay for buying heaven. If it wasn't hard, then everybody would have gone to heaven. It is the pain that u suffer from that will buy u heaven. No pain, no gain. Life is not a bed of roses. And dont think that walking naked in the beach with wind blowing in ur hair is always thrilling. U will enjoy it at first, but then u will get bored. It will not thrill u anymore. It's an illusion. Allah said in the quran, "this worldly life is nothing but a deception".Man's fascination is short lived. Even prostitutes get bored of sex. Permanent happiness is in the heavens. Just control ur emotions. May Allah keep u steadfast on Islam.

Edited by icforumadmin - 29 August 2011 at 12:08am
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 28 August 2011 at 10:57am
Originally posted by Ghazzali

Aassalamualaikum sister.  Also, just regard those women with bikinis on the beach as pieces of ****. That's what they are. Pieces of *****. U dont want to be a piece of ****, right.


I appreciate your intentions in helping the sister, however this might not be a very 'Muslim' way of explaining things...

We can talk about Hijab and encourage the sister without saying that bikini-wearing women are this or that. Advise can be given without being crass and crude. Why do we Muslims forget Islamic adaab etiquette especially when giving da'wah and propagating good? No offense intended... and this was said probably out of respect for covered women... but still...



May Allah keep u steadfast on Islam.


Ameen.



Edited by icforumadmin - 29 August 2011 at 12:09am
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Quote W.S. Replybullet Posted: 28 August 2011 at 1:00pm
Originally posted by Chrysalis

Why do we Muslims forget Islamic adaab etiquette especially when giving da'wah and propagating good?

I don't mean to interfere, but one reason might be that there is so much moral decay in the world. It gets frustrating and it can be hard to restrain oneself.
As for Amy, I hope she took islamispeace's advice and spoke to her husband (whom I won't even comment).


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peacemaker
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Quote peacemaker Replybullet Posted: 29 August 2011 at 1:31am
Assalamu Alaikum,
 
Here is a relevant verse:
 
"Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance."
 
Qur'an 16:125
Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?
Qur'an 55:13
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