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UmmNoel
 
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Quote UmmNoel Replybullet Topic: New Here
    Posted: 20 March 2005 at 6:16pm
Hi everyone I am new here, I hope I am welcomed
My name is Veronica, I am puertorican/non muslim...but learning about Islam and concidering becoming muslim.

I am currently 36 weeks pregnant by a bangali/muslim guy.

We are both 19 years old and not married, his parents don't know and he does not want to tell them or even take responsibilites. I think that his parents have every right to know that they are soon going to be grandparents to a beautiful baby boy. He told me many times that if his parents found out he would get disowned and they would never accept me or the baby because of race/religion. It is to my understanding that they cannot disapprove of me because of race

I have a letter ready addressed to them telling them about the situation, yet I am afraid that he will get sent back to Bangladesh or get disowned. I care deeply about him and I don't wish any harm on him, and I really want my son to have him around. Any words or adviced would be greatly appreciated. TIA
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Angel
 
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Quote Angel Replybullet Posted: 20 March 2005 at 9:39pm

Veronica, welcome aboard

I do advise to not send that letter to the guy's parents not until you learn some facts first about the situation and become aware of why he may not want his parents to know. I don't know what your friend has told you about islam. There is more to it than just race, yes you are right that race shouldn't be a problem, but in some people it does. As for religion, muslims (men) are allowed to marry outside of Islam but to only those who are Christian and Jewish. But I believe this situation has more to do with the fact that both of you are not married and did something against Islam and now you are pregnant. Men and women who are not related to each other are not meant to be alone (solely) together before marriage. The guy knows he did something wrong, this is why he is afraid he'll be disowned by his parents and that you may not be accepted and nor the baby, yes they have a right to know about their grandson, but its not as simple as you think that telling his parents and they'll turn around and embrace. You really need to know his situation.

At the moment I don't have a lot of time and cannot provide some proper islamic information.

Angel.

~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~
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rami
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Quote rami Replybullet Posted: 21 March 2005 at 2:48am
Bi ismillahir rahmanir raheem

Salam UmmNoel

Islam considers all people equal, male or female. I think Angel is correct i dont think you should send the letter until you learn more about his parents.

Ask him if his parents still follow old tribal customs from back home, are they practicing muslims, how long have they been in the states the longer they have been in the country the less likely they may react in a reactionary manner (basicaly not send him back to bangladesh).

are they living in an area which has a noticable bangladesh/indian population, if not this will decrease the impact of finding out about your situation since they wont feel to much social preasure.

I think it is best that he is the one who has to tell his parents, since the baby will soon be here and he can not ignore it. Maybe you should wait until after the baby is born so you will not feel the preasure from the family and this wont put the baby's health in any danger, if eventually you decide on telling them.

If you are serious about converting, please take the time to properly understand the religion and why you would ultimately decide to convert, as religion is a matter of beliefe not situation so insha allah it is in a persons heart when they decide.

Rasul Allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever knows himself, knows his Lord" and whoever knows his Lord has been given His gnosis and nearness.
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IslamicGirl
 
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Quote IslamicGirl Replybullet Posted: 21 March 2005 at 7:04am

Hi Veronica,

I agree with Angel totally on NOT sending a note to his parents.  However, I do NOT agree with Angel on how being a Muslim male allows you to marry a non~Muslim.   Being a Muslim myself, I have been brought up and told that any Muslim, being male or female, needs Nikah done in order to get married (ie. Nikah is saying vows Islamically).  However, this is not the pin~point topic here. 

Your situation is tricky, not understanding how seriousley Islam takes the situation you are in, dear, can be a serious problem to both of you and the baby coming into your lives. 

I strongly recommend you stay out of his parent's life, talk to your boyfriend and explain that you did not do this on your own.  Therefore, he needs to grow up, if he's not working, to get a job and prepare to take the responsibility of a father now. 

I suggest, after the baby is born, if you respect Islam and the baby's father agrees, as well as yourself, convert to Islam, have a Nikah (whether you do it yourselves and tell your parents after)... and i'll just tell you one thing, you won't regret converting.  Trust me, as far off as it seems... His parents will always love him, 'coz they're his parents & your baby's grandparents.  Telling the truth after the baby is born will be more on your side, because when the parents see how beautiful their grandson is.. they will have a soft place in their heart for him & ofcorse their son too.

Islam is the most wonderfully/unique religion.  As a Muslim, you must know one thing, God is Most Compasionate, Most Merciful & Oft Forgiving.  I'm not saying convert for the man, but do it for yourself girl. 

All the Best with it all!

 

 

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ummziba
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Quote ummziba Replybullet Posted: 21 March 2005 at 7:58am

Welcome Veronica!

I also agree that you should stay away from his parents and not try to contact them in any way.  Right now you are full of pregnancy hormones, which make it hard for any woman to think clearly and logically.  (Some "feminists" would spit at me for saying such a thing, but anyone who has been pregnant knows I speak the truth!)  Don't make any major decisions until after the baby is born.

In the meantime, learn all you can about Islam.  There are many very good sites on the web for this, including this one.  You might also try:

www.islam101.com

www.thetruereligion.org

www.islamonline.net

These are all good, reliable sites.  There is a lot of misinformation out there, so be aware of that. 

I think the others have tried to warn you tactfully, I will be more direct - sex outside of marriage is considered a huge sin in Islam.  Being pregnant and unmarried in the west is seen as no big deal by most of society, not so for Muslims. I am not judging you, that is Allah's place to do so.  I am just trying to convey the facts to you so you will understand why we are all saying to stay away from his parents!  I think what we are all saying is: be careful.  Some more narrow minded folk might shun you, harass you, bother you or even do harm to you.  This is why it is wise to stay out of his parent's lives right now.

Muslims strongly believe in predestination and that all things happen for a reason and with Allah's full knowledge.  We have a saying "ma' sha Allah", which means "as God wills".  Pray to Allah for strength, courage and most of all guidance.  Allah most certainly answers the prayers of those who pray sincerely.

I wish you an easy delivery and pray that Allah will help you find the right answers.

Peace, ummziba.

 

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rami
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Quote rami Replybullet Posted: 22 March 2005 at 3:39am
Bi ismillahir rahmanir raheem

assalamu alaikum

IslamGirl i think you have made to many assumptions on how his people will react.

I am not judging you, that is Allah's place to do so.


In your situation UmmNoel The mesenger of allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said Islam wipes away all sins, meaning when a person converts to Islam all his past sins are wipped away and he becomes sinless.

The prophet also said those who were christians and jews and have converted to Islam recieve double the reward for there good deeds, becouse they believed in the previous revelation and they believed in Islam.

Rasul Allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever knows himself, knows his Lord" and whoever knows his Lord has been given His gnosis and nearness.
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herjihad
 
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Quote herjihad Replybullet Posted: 22 March 2005 at 6:56am

Bismillah (In the name of God),

Dear Veronica,

How many of these people have been in your situation?  I don't know.  My husband's family rejected me even though he married a muslim woman.  They were racist.  They wanted him to marry his cousin.  I know many muslim women who faced this difficulty.  It is so painful. 

Honey, get married.  Is there any reason you can't?  Do you love each other?  Getting married is the first step that will help your situation.  If there is a reason you can't get married through a justice of the peace, you can go to the mosque, yes, pregnant and everything -- it is his shame because he is muslim -- it is your right and duty to marry this guy if you have a future together, if he doesn't beat you!

Islaam beautifies the world.  The words of the Qur'aan are peace giving and joyful.  Get a Qur'aan and read it.  If you are lucky, there will be a study group in your area that will accept you.  And if they don't, you can private message me and I'm sure other sisters in Islaam in this forum.

Do you have family to help you at birth?  The sisters here like umz? and me can answer any questions you have on that too, honey, in pm.

I will pray for you, ISA, you will find peace and guidance.

Praise and Glory to God.

Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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herjihad
 
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Quote herjihad Replybullet Posted: 22 March 2005 at 7:05am

Bismillah,

I should add that his family over time accepted me and our children as much as any of their other son's wives and children.

 

Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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