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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
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allybally
 
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Quote allybally Replybullet Topic: English Wife of a Muslim faith
    Posted: 10 January 2011 at 12:04pm
Cry I am an english wife of a Muslim who is half Kurdish and Half Turkish, I have been married to him for one year, a few months into the marriage he started to beat me, kicking, punching, biting me. His reasons for doing this was stress of no work, but he would send me out looking for work for him, which on 3 or 4 occassions I found for him and he lost each job because he said he could not stand being told what to do, when he was not working he would spend most of his day on the internet playing pool also known as 8ball. If he was not winning at this game he would hit me he also gambled on football. I became so afraid to speak so i resorted to constantly sleeping my life away because that was the only place I felt safe when I was sleeping or at work. It all became to much I left and went into hiding from him because I was so afraid that I would die at his hand. But I still love him and all that know him say forgive him he says he will never do it again, he says that he has now started reading and trying to understand the quran he now wants me to join with him again, but I am so afraid he has lied to me so many times that he would not hurt me again, 2 days later he was hitting me again, when I left it was because he hurt me so badly It ended in me being in hospital and shaking so much that they had to give me an injection to make it stop, at the hospital he was very open about what had happend and that he was the cause of it, but because of this beating I have no feeling in my right leg and had a small stroke as a result. What I would like from anyone in the forum is and open minded opinion of what I should do remembering that in the end I will do what I think is best for me . why do I ask here you may ask, well the reasons are that, it has been said to me that this behaviour is very normal in the Muslim faith, I really do not believe this to be true and would like anyone to help me make up my mind what I should do. Do I trust my husband and forgive him and let him have another chance. Or do I say no I am sorry it happend too many times to continue or trust you again. I have already if I am honest and being the person that I am forgiven him as he asked me to give him halal. 
 
p.s Anything you can say to me here will be of great help I thank you in advance of your replys.
 
best wishes to you all
Allyson 
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semar
 
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Quote semar Replybullet Posted: 10 January 2011 at 12:55pm
Salam,
 
You should left him and report to police. An abuse man should not have a wife and children. He should go to anger management class, before he fully cure he should not re-marriage.
Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 10 January 2011 at 1:59pm
This may indeed be normal behavior for someone who was abused as a child, or one who hates women, but it is not normal for the Islamic faith.  I agree with Semar, you should press charges and leave this man before his kills you.
 
 


Edited by abuayisha - 10 January 2011 at 2:02pm
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 11 January 2011 at 12:09pm
I agree with the brothers.. why WOULD you trust him? Actions speak louder than words. The trust has been broken. People who chronically abuse anyone else has way deeper issues then you will ever know. Yes he wants you to "love him" and he "loves you." Love is not a fist or hand or a bruise dear sister.  A woman should be safe in her home. Sadly for thousands of women all over the world, this is not the case. 

Ongoing violence is an individual problem, not a cultural or a religious one. Whoever told you that is WRONG. I teach self-defense and have met plenty of women who have been assaulted whose abuser or attacker are not Muslim. That is a stereotype... anyone who says this is really off base and not know what they are talking about. I am sure in the UK they have plenty of statistics of women who are abused.

I would also encourage you to get counseling for yourself. You need support. You also need to understand why you would put yourself into harms way again and again. Sister you deserve way better. You are a human being.  You must love yourself more.

It may take awhile but you need to find you, and yourself, seek to have your needs met. It is not easy and its PAINFUL.  But you are worth it dear sister.

Also please go to this site by Gavin DeBecker, one of the leading experts on violence, its called Mosiac Threat Assessment.

https://www.mosaicmethod.com/

Please keep us posted and feel free to PM me. My prayers for you
Hayfa



Edited by Hayfa - 11 January 2011 at 12:21pm
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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pure_columbian
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Quote pure_columbian Replybullet Posted: 12 January 2011 at 3:43am
Salam
 
This is not the behaviour of a muslim or a christian or an atheist or a jew, it is the behaviour of a bully.
My advice to you would be to get as far away from him as you possibly can and never look back. NO man should ever raise his fist against a woman!
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Quote tiger Replybullet Posted: 10 May 2011 at 1:34am
I completly agree with what evry one above have said.
You need to get away as far away as possible from your husband.
 
Could you please update what you decided to do,and i pray you have recovered.
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iec786
 
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Quote iec786 Replybullet Posted: 06 February 2012 at 1:55pm
This is abuse when will you leave him ????
The day he kills you?
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