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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
Message Icon Topic: how to deal with Father-in-law and mother-in-law Post Reply Post New Topic
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faithful
 
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Quote faithful Replybullet Topic: how to deal with Father-in-law and mother-in-law
    Posted: 06 December 2010 at 4:38am
Assalam-o-Aliqum

I have few Questions to ask

1.whatever my husband earns, it goes directly into my mother-lin-law  bank account and whenever, my husband needs money for his minor expenses he gets from her .when, i need something i ask my husband and then he goes and demand some money from her ,infront of his son, she behaves very nicely and give him instantly  some money but after some days she starts teasing me in indrect wordsi.e.( Some people r crazy they spent money on such things .)she keeps on giving statements on daily basis which makes me feel tense and ashamed and sometimes when my husband got some money from them, i start feelin nervous and keps on thinking that now, i have to bear my in-laws reaction over that.i ask my husband many times that u should keep some amount separately so that she can not notice my nominal expenses like clothes ,shoes etc but he refuses and says the he can not be selfish to his father n mother by keeping some amount aside.
2.my father-in -law and mother-in-law  sometimes starts abusing me also abuses my father that is a torture for me.
 please give me an islamic and wise answer over that.
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 06 December 2010 at 11:49pm
Originally posted by faithful

that.i ask my husband many times that u should keep some amount separately so that she can not notice my nominal expenses like clothes ,shoes etc but he refuses and says the he can not be selfish to his father n mother by keeping some amount aside.
2.my father-in -law and mother-in-law  sometimes starts abusing me also abuses my father that is a torture for me.
 please give me an islamic and wise answer over that.


Wa'alaikum salaam Sis.

All I can say is 'urrrgh' your in-laws must be from the sub-continent right? Confused

So - emotions aside...

Unfortunately Sis - what advise can we give YOU? The Advise should be for the HUSBAND. We can sit here and discuss your rights & his responsibilities till the cows come home. But at the end of the day - the subjects who have to change the attitudes are the husband & in-laws!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes - it is your husband's responsibility to provide for his parents. And mashAllah you recognize & support that.

But nowhere does it say that Mom-in-Law has to be the Banker! There is no harm in him setting aside a pocket-money/monthly expenses for you. Men have to realize how tense it can be to be under financial pressure and be dependent on asking someone for money whenever you want to spend.

Prophet Muhammad recognized this financial need of women. As is reflected in this hadith:

Once Hind bint 'Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyan, came to The Beloved Rasoolullah  and said:

"O' Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man. What he gives me is not enough for me and my child, unless I take from him without his knowledge."

The Beloved Rasoolullah  told her, "Take what is enough for you and your child, in moderation." (Bukhari & Muslim)


I think this Hadith reflects that a wife has a right on her husband's earnings just as much as his parents. If a wife can spend of her husband's wealth without his knowledge - why can he not set aside an amount for her? Why would your husband think that is wrong?


"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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