Active TopicsActive Topics  Display List of Forum MembersMemberlist  CalendarCalendar  Search The ForumSearch  HelpHelp
  RegisterRegister  LoginLogin  Old ForumOld Forum  Twitter  Facebook
Advertisement:
         

Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
Message Icon Topic: LIVING A REAL LIFE SOAP OPERA Post Reply Post New Topic
<< Prev Page  of 3 Next >>
Author Message
Kouklanella
Female Christian
Starter
Starter
Avatar

Joined: 24 November 2010
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4
Quote Kouklanella Replybullet Posted: 27 December 2010 at 11:57am
dear sister i am the guy she was talking about. first my wife she is a christian, and for you to say abou imam im sorry but most of these guys have sexually mollested kids you dont know about islam like i do keep it for yourself and thanks for your precious advice.
IP IP Logged
lady
 
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 20 September 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 260
Quote lady Replybullet Posted: 28 December 2010 at 8:32pm
AssalaamoAlaikum brother. Thanks for giving me more of an insight on your personality. I will say that I am flabbergasted that you said most imams have molested kids? Astafullah. Really? Interesting. I really think that we can not even say that about the pope, even though we hear alot of cases of molestation coming from them. I will say that I am speechless to a degree because your accusations about most imams is inprecisely bold and disturbing. I am hoping that you will go back and delete your this false statement.
Now, I will talk to your female friend, Kouklanella.
Kouklanella, I am sure that you too have read his statement about our imams. He is not telling you the truth about the imams. Ok. You can chose to believe me or not, but I am sure that if you have alittle bit of awareness, that you will see that there is some or all truth of what I am getting ready to say to you below.
Run as fast as you can from this guy because he is dangerous. If he is not telling you the truth about imams, then what kind of future husband you think he will become? Also too, i know that I do not want to continue to be part of a faith where most imams are molesting kids? hmmm. Anyway, let  me  stay focused because I want to help you because I believe that you are being gullible. you are 34 years old, which makes you older than me. Maybe I am the one ignorant. I advise you to please go talk to your family again. Tell them that you have decided to marry him, but tell them the truth about your situation. you do not need to be muslim to give common sense advise. We are born with it, but sometimes we refused to use it because of our lustful desires.
Happiness is not granted, it is earned. Whatever decision you make in your life, will be a precursor  of how happy you are. I am living my life, and I dare do not want to force my ideas on someone who is an adult. ok. You ask for advice, and I gave you it based on what I was feeling. and what you wrote on this forum. I do not know your situation well, I only know what you tell me. And of course, I could be wrong. (sorry, but I am not). This guy does not want you consulting with imams. He knows what he should be doing but he does not want you to attain the knowledge from imams. ok. Anyway, he should not be talking to you alone at all. We do not believe in dating as muslim. ok. So if you want a happy marriage, then you have to start off right.  You left out the reasons he wanted to divorce his wife. I assumed that it is because he claimed to love you more and he knows that you will not be the second wife. First of all, why is his wife in Israel, and her children are away from her. Foreigners usually bring their wife and the children to the US. If they had to chose one of them then the men usually will bring the wife first. Ok. But most of the times they come together. So maybe she is visiting her relatives.  Why would she leave her kids behind other than a short term vocations she has taken.  Ok. I wish you would have responded to me as woman to woman instead of having Mr. mysterious guy to reply. But I do know that everyone is different. The advice I gave you may have shattered your expectations of what you wanted to hear. It happens.  As human beings we go through life wanting to know why we are not happy or why we have certain situations, but later on, when we take fully responsibility of our problems that is when we realize that we allow our MIND to not make decisions for us but our hearts. Women are very gullible. that is why alot of times, men make better decisions than we do because they think with their minds. And when a person's mind is clear and without drugs, it can really get you out of future messy problems. Kouklanella, I am worried about you because you seem so excited and assured about him. But what helps us to become better people is when we make mature decisions. In america, sometimes we have the attitude that we are mature enough to make decisions ourselves. But this cultural attitude has lead us astray many times. Just seek advice from family and friends, who love you. Who want to see you prosper, and happy. Some of them may even be prejudice because your guy friend is an arab. ok. but that is when you can take away the prejudice advice and listen to the sound advice. But please, if I am wrong then let me know because I am also open to change my thinking as well.
Seriously concern for you,
lady.


Edited by lady - 28 December 2010 at 9:01pm
IP IP Logged
Hidden_Pearl
Female Islam
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 13 February 2011
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 18
Quote Hidden_Pearl Replybullet Posted: 13 February 2011 at 9:03pm
Asalaamu aleikum-

Is it me, or is this all insanity? What does any of this have to do with Islam? Are we counseling Christian/non-muslims about how to get back with their (married) boyfriends? Subhanallahh.  I'm confused.
IP IP Logged
Chrysalis
 
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 25 November 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2041
Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 15 February 2011 at 9:11pm
Originally posted by Hidden_Pearl

Asalaamu aleikum-

Is it me, or is this all insanity? What does any of this have to do with Islam? Are we counseling Christian/non-muslims about how to get back with their (married) boyfriends? Subhanallahh.  I'm confused.


Wa'alaikum salaam Sis

Everything has everything to do with Islam... as muslims  we refer to Islam for each and every action... even relationships. SubhanAllah, even those of us who may not be fully practicing still look to Islam for approval in many aspects of their lives.

If you take the time to read through all the posts dear Sis, you'll realize that all members are doing is helping the Poster through her problem. Nobody is asking her to do anything against Islam.

Also even if the poster is a non-muslim, they still came here for help, and it is our duty to help within our means. Particularly since most relationship messes are partly due to the fault of the "Muslim" boyfriend.

PS: Welcome to the forums!




Edited by Chrysalis - 15 February 2011 at 9:12pm
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
IP IP Logged
Hidden_Pearl
Female Islam
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 13 February 2011
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 18
Quote Hidden_Pearl Replybullet Posted: 18 February 2011 at 5:01pm
Asalaamu aleikum-
Thank you for the welcome, but to be honest I don't think I will be here long! Why does no one say that what these people are doing is haram? Muslims shouldn't have "boyfriends/girlfriends, chat online to already married people- with whom they used to commit ZINA. Yes, the (married with kids) "boyfriend is sinning- but why counsel his kuffar lover? Any decent Imam wouldn't have time for such wicked nonsense- all you can say to such people is go away and stop sinning. End of story.
IP IP Logged
Chrysalis
 
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 25 November 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2041
Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 20 February 2011 at 3:58am
Originally posted by Hidden_Pearl

Asalaamu aleikum-Thank you for the welcome, but to be honest I don't think I will be here long!


Wa'alaikum salaam Sister.

If you find something we said was islamically incorrect, rather than leave - feel free to correct us. Your opinion is welcome.

Why does no one say that what these people are doing is haram? Muslims shouldn't have "boyfriends/girlfriends, chat online to already married people- with whom they used to commit ZINA.


Thankyou for pointing that out. We get so many of similar posts on IC forum, that sometimes we think that we have already mentioned this, or that it is understood. But perhaps our Poster does not know this, (being a non-muslim) so it would be relevant to point this out).

So for all Non-Muslim Women who are in a relationship with Muslim men (and vice-versa): If your lover is a Muslim - RUN! and run away as fast as you can, because they are most probably not a good person - because they don't respect you the way their religion taught them. And its a very bad sign. You are most probably destined for heartache. They are not supposed to exploit you, or your emotions, or your body - because they are not willing to commit to marriage. The ONLY WAY a good muslim has a right to the above PRIVILEGES is if they are married to the person in question. If they ignore that fact - 99% chances they are NOT a good person. So don't wait around to get heartbroken.

Yes, the (married with kids) "boyfriend is sinning- but why counsel his kuffar lover? Any decent Imam wouldn't have time for such wicked nonsense- all you can say to such people is go away and stop sinning. End of story.


Also Sister - it would not be right for us to assume that the Poster committed Zina. (Btw, she is not a muslim, so we cannot judge her according to our own morals.) In Islam we are taught not to 'assume' bad upon another. We are helping her based on the info she provided.

I also take offense to your statement 'why counsel his kuffar lover'. I have more sympathy and kindness towards the 'kuffar' in question, that her 'Muslim' lover. As your Sister in Islam I feel obliged to tell you that you sound very harsh! Where is the rahmah sister? If we are going to turn away 'people who sin' when they ask for counsel, what is exactly is our purpose in life? Live in our idealistic islam bubble? Do you know of ONE human being who does not sin? Sure, the severity of our sins may differ - because everybody has different circumstances & Jihads... but then that means that everybody should be told 'stop sinning & go away. I don't have time for you because apparently I am a better muslim than you who doesn't have time for your sinful problems'

If I were a non-muslim, and I met such unsympathetic and harsh attitudes - why would I think Muslims were nice people? or that Islam may have a solution to my problems?

I am sorry if I sounded harsh, or if I offended you. That was not my intention. However I felt strongly about this, and expressed myself.

Also, perhaps you should look at Lady's advise. I thought it was very nice and to-the-point. Nobody condoned 'haraam' behavior here. Everybody was suggesting that marriage is a better alternative to her current situation... and even that is complicated and she should consider the kids & wife from the previous marriage.




"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
IP IP Logged
Hidden_Pearl
Female Islam
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 13 February 2011
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 18
Quote Hidden_Pearl Replybullet Posted: 20 February 2011 at 3:30pm
Asalaamu aleikum-

I do agree with most of what you said. Nevertheless, I cannot agree that "marriage is a better alternative to her situation", in fact, to suggest that contradicts your advice to "Run!... because they are probably not a good person".
Anyway, someone may be a "good person" by the standards of society, yet not be a "good muslim", in the sense of not behaving Islamically, according to the dictates of their Lord or fearing Allah SWT.
It doesn't seem that there is anything salvageable in this "relationship", and there is too much haram in it. This man is playing, he is not acting honourably as a muslim man/husband/father. In fact, he is actively giving her a bad example of Islam- eg "imams are child-molesters"???!!!The woman views her "relationship" with him purely in terms of a western romantic love affair. And there is a wife and children to boot, who will be effected. How will his marrying this "lover" make everything ok?
It will not, and it can not. They must both make sincere tauba, in the first instance- well, ostensibly as a muslim He can, but can SHE as a non-muslim/Catholic? I think only a muslim can make tauba, or someone at least who wants to do so and enter the fold of Islam. I don't think she ever says she wishes to revert- correct me if I am wrong.
And, although the Qu'ran says that a man may marry women from among the "people of the book", that woman must be a believing, practicing person, not just nominally a christian or a jew. AND she must be "chaste". Don't forget THAT! How many  actually qualify, according to the criteria of the Qu'ran?
And astaghfiruallah, if I make any mistakes, and Allah SWT knows best.
IP IP Logged
Chrysalis
 
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 25 November 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2041
Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 21 February 2011 at 10:10pm

Originally posted by Hidden_Pearl

Asalaamu aleikum-

I do agree with most of what you said. Nevertheless, I cannot agree that "marriage is a better alternative to her situation", in fact, to suggest that contradicts your advice to "Run!... because they are probably not a good person".

Wa’alaikum salaam Sis.

Yes – our first advice would be to raise the warning signals to the Sister. We can tell her as Muslims that the gentleman she is in love with does not fit the criteria of a good person in our community. Even according to her society it should raise blaring warning signals – he seems insincere & dishonest that he would be willing to cheat on his current wife, and play games with her like that. She should try to move on and cut contact with him. The marriage suggestion was based on the scenario; if despite our warnings, she decides to carry out this r/ship. We should tell her that Islam provides an alternative to sinning/cheating/dishonesty. Islam allows her that option, to get divorced and marry someone else.

Anyway, someone may be a "good person" by the standards of society, yet not be a "good muslim", in the sense of not behaving Islamically, according to the dictates of their Lord or fearing Allah SWT.

 I Agree.


It doesn't seem that there is anything salvageable in this "relationship", and there is too much haram in it. This man is playing, he is not acting honourably as a muslim man/husband/father. In fact, he is actively giving her a bad example of Islam- eg "imams are child-molesters"???!!!The woman views her "relationship" with him purely in terms of a western romantic love affair. And there is a wife and children to boot, who will be effected. How will his marrying this "lover" make everything ok?

Which is why we are telling her to stay away from the ‘Haraam’ by

1)      -> Recognizing warning signs and staying away from him, (Lady’s Post)

We also pointed out to the Sister that she should think about the Man’s current wife & kids. Would she want that on her conscience? A second marriage/ divorce would surely be devastating to them. One should not be selfish in love.

We should also be aware Sis, that when 2 people are in love. They are literally in blind & in denial. If the Sister fails to see our logic – we cannot convince her. However we can provide her an alternative to sinning / dishonorable actions.  If she is hell bent on being with the person (despite our warning), at least she should get married to him. We can only speculate as to what their circumstances are. Whether or not we like it, she can legally/islamically marry him. And marriage is a better alternative to having an affair. That’s the ‘next best thing’ sis. And the ‘next best thing’ may not be ideal according to you & me, but it is better than sinning/ cheating/ dishonorable actions. Hence our advice.

"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
IP IP Logged
<< Prev Page  of 3 Next >>
Post Reply Post New Topic
Printable version Printable version

Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot create polls in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed herein contain positions and viewpoints that are not necessarily those of IslamiCity. This forum is offered to stimulate dialogue and discussion in our continuing mission of being an educational organization.
If there is any issue with any of the postings please email to icforum at islamicity.com or if you are a forum's member you can use the report button.

Note: The 99 names of Allah avatars are courtesy of www.arthafez.com

Advertisement:



Sponsored by:
Islamicity Membership Program:
IslamiCity Donation Program  http://www.islamicity.com/Donate
IslamiCity Arabic eLearning http://www.islamiCity.com/ArabAcademy
Complete Domain & Hosting Solutions www.icDomain.com
Home for Muslim Tunes www.icTunes.com
Islamic Video Collections www.islamiTV.com
IslamiCity Marriage Site www.icMarriage.com