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Message Icon Topic: The infidelity of Men and Women Post Reply Post New Topic
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Israfil
 
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Quote Israfil Replybullet Topic: The infidelity of Men and Women
    Posted: 03 August 2005 at 10:29am

Since brother ZamanH as well as other members intend one xpanding their difference about what is considered cheating for both men and women even in different subject forums I was hoping to address that subject here. I've given my understanding of what infidelity is in regards to marital affairs so I hope this helps again when I remind you all on my position. In regards to cheating there are different ways of cheating such as: cheating on taxes, cheating on games, cheating on counting etc.

Cheating not only includes being a liar but it also includes vain desires such as: self-indulgence, self-gratification and self-exaltation. I have to agree with Zaman on one point because of culture a lot of times how men and women approach each other depends on the evironment. He claims that Western culture  is sinful and that because the explouitation of women (i.e The showing of half-naked women) and men in Western culture it makes sin open for everyone. To some extent theere is truth in this. Yes in Western society there is a sense of exploitation of both men and women yes there is a sense of open sexual indulgence yes there are laws which makes Godlessness acceptable. Yes there is a taint of immorality in Western society.

But like how some Muslims view other doctrines because there is a taint in society shouldn't make all of society bad. For example since Pre-Islamic Arabia the whole of society (or at least majority of it) believed in paganism. This was the norm and many people believed this would bring about blessings and fortune and what not. Now many of us wouldn't dare not believe that our prophet was originally a pagan just because his society was. The same with judging western culture.

The problem with infidelity is not whats on the outside but the inside of a person. If a man cheats on his wife sexually he does so by his own doing. Consciously if he is a Muslim man he understands what he is doing is wrong and its a sin. Consciously he knows what he's doing is a transgression on his marriage. If he is with one woman of course this is considered an extra-martial affair. Even if he is married to more than one woman if he has an extra-marital affair outside his current contractual obligation then they are all affairs and they are all cheating.

There is a slight difference because for women there are no multiple husbands (I'm not sure if there is any law within Shari'ah law that states a woman can have multiple husbands) and I'm sure if there is a limitation on this this is due to culture. For women the same rule applies. Any transgression out of a contractual obligation is considered cheating on the basis of taking advantage of situation and/self-indulgence. Regardless whether a woman cheats or a man cheats the  ends themselves are equivalent because it personally relates to the person who acts them out. So please nough with the degrees of cheating because they are nothing more than trangression on our own limitations.

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umi6
 
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Quote umi6 Replybullet Posted: 03 August 2005 at 1:56pm

 as-salamu alaikium, i have a question relating to brothers and ex wives. Is it a sin and is it considered cheating if he engages in conversations with this woman and the converstion is not about their

children and if he is spending time with her with his kids alone (ex. riding in a car with her). what is the ruling on how he should handle his relationship with her. and if he lies about said time spent with her is this cheating .   

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Israfil
 
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Quote Israfil Replybullet Posted: 03 August 2005 at 2:37pm
Good question I'll look up on that one
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 03 August 2005 at 3:09pm

Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem,

Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim,

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,

Islam defines the relationships between a man and a woman where both are mahram to each other. In any other relationship they are non-mahram, and all rules regarding treating non-mahrams should apply.

When divorce is finalised between a man and his wife, they are no longer mahram. They should not be alone with each others, not talk intimately, should not look at with desire etc etc ...

A conversation should be limited to as little necessary.

I hope this clarifies the issue at hand insha allah.

 

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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ZamanH
 
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Quote ZamanH Replybullet Posted: 03 August 2005 at 8:46pm
Originally posted by Israfil

But like how some Muslims view other doctrines because there is a taint in society shouldn't make all of society bad. For example since Pre-Islamic Arabia the whole of society (or at least majority of it) believed in paganism. This was the norm and many people believed this would bring about blessings and fortune and what not. Now many of us wouldn't dare not believe that our prophet was originally a pagan just because his society was. The same with judging western culture.


Yes I agree. Simply because things are norms they should not considered to be likely to be right, if,  God has explicitly forbidden those norms (otherwise, they may be wrong but they should be considered highly unlikely to be wrong).
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet
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ZamanH
 
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Quote ZamanH Replybullet Posted: 04 August 2005 at 8:10pm
Since brother ZamanH as well as other members intend one xpanding their difference about what is considered cheating for both men and women even in different subject forums I was hoping to address that subject here.


This is just to clarify I am really not hell-bent on carrying forward this discussion. In fact, I am tired of saying the same thing over and over again.

Originally posted by ZamanH


As Salaam Alaikum,

Well, since the discussion/arguement in this thread is as good as over. I would conclude from my side as well.



Originally posted by ZamanH

Also, as  have said earlier, I will change my views reagarding the matter if I find a relevant hadith opposing what I believe regarding the matter.

Its over from my side, too.

Actually, its the others,

Originally posted by Israfil

Of course Zaman chooses not to repsond to me because as another man I do not share this viee and I've proven the err of this type of logic. But if you wish I can show Hadith.....

Originally posted by Israfil

Since brother ZamanH as well as other members intend one xpanding their difference about what is considered cheating for both men and women even in different subject forums I was hoping to address that subject here.

An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet
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