IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum: Marrying a divorced woman

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Gibbs

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Joined: 29 April 2009
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Posted: 24 October 2010 at 11:28am

I think its silly to disown your kid because they are making an adult decision. A couple things to consider:

1) If she is a divorced, becareful, not because she is divorced but there may be some hidden issues.

2) Although your parents want you to be with someone who has maintained their virginity, these days young girls are engaging in sexual activity outside marriage however whether they are a virgin or not is not important but whether they are a compatible mate for you.

3) If you still live at home and are about to make a decision that your parents dislike this may affect your living situaton.

Edited by Gibbs - 24 October 2010 at 11:28am

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Nausheen
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Posted: 01 November 2010 at 1:43am

I think marriage is the most important decision of ones life.

If you land in a wrong marriage - ie married to a wrong person, the last think you'd want that it be someone elses mistake 'done to you' - ie a scenario in which parents end their kids in a wrong marriage.

I would advice in marriage make your own mistakes, dont let your parents do that for you!

That having been said, its your life, thus you should get the preroragative to choose, from your heart. If you like this girl, for all genuine reasons, you may go ahead. As far as convincing the parents is concerned, I would advice you may be patient and 'percevierent' and give them ample time to 'give in' to your wishes.

This is my advice - maybe off trend, but still this is what I think!

Edited by Nausheen - 01 November 2010 at 1:45am

Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.

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fais

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Joined: 24 August 2009
Location: Oman
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Posts: 281

Posted: 01 November 2010 at 8:18am

Dear Sister Nausheen,

I would advice in marriage make your own mistakes, dont let your parents do that for you.

The above statement could convey a wrong message,when u say u make your own decision it could be misunderstood by some,and they might think you should contact the propective personally and make friendship kind of thing and then decide.which is not Islamic,this is very dangerous for girls specially.

You never pay for somelse mistake,its your destiny,we have rules to select your partner in islam and once you have followed just leave it to allah.no body can predict how the prospect will be, even after a deep loving affair before marraige people feel they made a mistake marrying the one they loved.

If the daughter is trusting her father there for her best interest it is no harm,this also an ibdah that you obeying your fathers decision.

Salam

Faisal

Edited by fais - 01 November 2010 at 8:21am

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Fearfull
Male Islam
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Location: India
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Posted: 05 August 2011 at 11:34am

As a person who has undergone divorce, I tell you be very careful. Divorce is one of the most painful experiences. If a man is ready to divorce a woman then it is an extreme step.

Be wary why such a step was needed. Most couple will adjust and move on. If such a step was taken, then it was not done in the heat of the moment. It was well thought out and very painfil decision.

Your parents are not trying to do bad things for you. They realize that part of the reason for you wanting to marry this girl is the compassion you feel towards her and her condition.

Dont let sympathy govern your decision. My recommendation is to let the matter sleep for a few days while you pray to Allah for clarity and may He provide you that.

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doherty12

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Posted: 16 November 2012 at 12:52am

By looking at your problem i may advice you to listen to your heart. If you know that women very well or if you have got a feelings for her then you can proceed to marry her. But in case you are marrying her in a hurry then you must think twice before going for it.

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alia777

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Joined: 28 December 2012
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Posted: 28 December 2012 at 4:20pm

Asalaam alaikum,

I am a Muslim sister who was divorced 6 weeks ago. My ex-husband and I divorced because we simply couldn't get along. We were together 7 years but we couldn't make it work. We had no support networks and in the end we both regretted the decision but it was too late.

It causes me pain when I read people advising the OP to beware of this divorcee who he is interested in marrying. Who can guarantee the behaviour of any prospective spouse?

I understand the sensitivity of the situation but life is not always black and white and it would be an injustice to view all divorcees as people of suspicion.

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Mruben
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Joined: 30 December 2012
Location: United Kingdom
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Posted: 30 December 2012 at 1:32am

Salam Alikum

I am a new Muslim, i like to know the ruling of marriage a divorce Sister, i need to ask the hand from her father or i just need to inform them i will marry with is daughter?
I like to have some advice if is possible.

Edited by Mruben - 30 December 2012 at 1:33am

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Author	Message
Gibbs Guest Group Joined: 29 April 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 939	Posted: 24 October 2010 at 11:28am
	I think its silly to disown your kid because they are making an adult decision. A couple things to consider: 1) If she is a divorced, becareful, not because she is divorced but there may be some hidden issues. 2) Although your parents want you to be with someone who has maintained their virginity, these days young girls are engaging in sexual activity outside marriage however whether they are a virgin or not is not important but whether they are a compatible mate for you. 3) If you still live at home and are about to make a decision that your parents dislike this may affect your living situaton. Edited by Gibbs - 24 October 2010 at 11:28am
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Nausheen Female Islam Senior Member Senior Member Joined: 10 January 2001 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 4146	Posted: 01 November 2010 at 1:43am
	I think marriage is the most important decision of ones life. If you land in a wrong marriage - ie married to a wrong person, the last think you'd want that it be someone elses mistake 'done to you' - ie a scenario in which parents end their kids in a wrong marriage. I would advice in marriage make your own mistakes, dont let your parents do that for you! That having been said, its your life, thus you should get the preroragative to choose, from your heart. If you like this girl, for all genuine reasons, you may go ahead. As far as convincing the parents is concerned, I would advice you may be patient and 'percevierent' and give them ample time to 'give in' to your wishes. This is my advice - maybe off trend, but still this is what I think! Edited by Nausheen - 01 November 2010 at 1:45am
	Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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fais Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Online Status: Offline Posts: 281	Posted: 01 November 2010 at 8:18am
	Dear Sister Nausheen, I would advice in marriage make your own mistakes, dont let your parents do that for you. The above statement could convey a wrong message,when u say u make your own decision it could be misunderstood by some,and they might think you should contact the propective personally and make friendship kind of thing and then decide.which is not Islamic,this is very dangerous for girls specially. You never pay for somelse mistake,its your destiny,we have rules to select your partner in islam and once you have followed just leave it to allah.no body can predict how the prospect will be, even after a deep loving affair before marraige people feel they made a mistake marrying the one they loved. If the daughter is trusting her father there for her best interest it is no harm,this also an ibdah that you obeying your fathers decision. Salam Faisal Edited by fais - 01 November 2010 at 8:21am
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Fearfull Male Islam Starter Joined: 05 August 2011 Location: India Online Status: Offline Posts: 2	Posted: 05 August 2011 at 11:34am
	As a person who has undergone divorce, I tell you be very careful. Divorce is one of the most painful experiences. If a man is ready to divorce a woman then it is an extreme step. Be wary why such a step was needed. Most couple will adjust and move on. If such a step was taken, then it was not done in the heat of the moment. It was well thought out and very painfil decision. Your parents are not trying to do bad things for you. They realize that part of the reason for you wanting to marry this girl is the compassion you feel towards her and her condition. Dont let sympathy govern your decision. My recommendation is to let the matter sleep for a few days while you pray to Allah for clarity and may He provide you that.
	IP Logged

doherty12 Starter. Joined: 16 November 2012 Online Status: Offline Posts: 2	Posted: 16 November 2012 at 12:52am
	By looking at your problem i may advice you to listen to your heart. If you know that women very well or if you have got a feelings for her then you can proceed to marry her. But in case you are marrying her in a hurry then you must think twice before going for it.
	IP Logged

alia777 Starter. Joined: 28 December 2012 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1	Posted: 28 December 2012 at 4:20pm
	Asalaam alaikum, I am a Muslim sister who was divorced 6 weeks ago. My ex-husband and I divorced because we simply couldn't get along. We were together 7 years but we couldn't make it work. We had no support networks and in the end we both regretted the decision but it was too late. It causes me pain when I read people advising the OP to beware of this divorcee who he is interested in marrying. Who can guarantee the behaviour of any prospective spouse? I understand the sensitivity of the situation but life is not always black and white and it would be an injustice to view all divorcees as people of suspicion.
	IP Logged

Mruben Male Islam Starter. Joined: 30 December 2012 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1	Posted: 30 December 2012 at 1:32am
	Salam Alikum I am a new Muslim, i like to know the ruling of marriage a divorce Sister, i need to ask the hand from her father or i just need to inform them i will marry with is daughter? I like to have some advice if is possible. Edited by Mruben - 30 December 2012 at 1:33am
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