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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 11 August 2010 at 6:12pm
...or just derail this one.
 
 "I and an Ansari neighbor of mine from Bani Umaiya bin Zaid who used to live in 'Awali Al-Medina, used to visit the Prophet in turns. He used to go one day, and I another day. When I went I would bring him the news of what had happened that day regarding the instructions and orders and when he went, he used to do the same for me. We, the people of Quraish, used to have authority over women, but when we came to live with the Ansar, we noticed that the Ansari women had the upper hand over their men, so our women started acquiring the habits of the Ansari women. Once I shouted at my wife and she paid me back in my coin and I disliked that she should answer me back. She said, 'Why do you take it ill that I retort upon you? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet retort upon him, and some of them may not speak with him for the whole day till night.' What she said scared me and I said to her, 'Whoever amongst them does so, will be a great loser.' Then I dressed myself and went to Hafsa and asked her, 'Does any of you keep Allah's Apostle angry all the day long till night?' She replied in the affirmative. I said, 'She is a ruined losing person (and will never have success)! Doesn't she fear that Allah may get angry for the anger of Allah's Apostle and thus she will be ruined? Don't ask Allah's Apostle too many things, and don't retort upon him in any case, and don't desert him. Demand from me whatever you like, and don't be tempted to imitate your neighbor (i.e. 'Aisha) in her behavior towards the Prophet), for she (i.e. Aisha) is more beautiful than you, and more beloved to Allah's Apostle.

In those days it was rumored that Ghassan, (a tribe living in Sham) was getting prepared their horses to invade us. My companion went (to the Prophet on the day of his turn, went and returned to us at night and knocked at my door violently, asking whether I was sleeping. I was scared (by the hard knocking) and came out to him. He said that a great thing had happened. I asked him: What is it? Have Ghassan come? He replied that it was worse and more serious than that, and added that Allah's Apostle had divorced all his wives. I said, Hafsa is a ruined loser! I expected that would happen some day.' So I dressed myself and offered the Fajr prayer with the Prophet. Then the Prophet entered an upper room and stayed there alone. I went to Hafsa and found her weeping. I asked her, 'Why are you weeping? Didn't I warn you? Have Allah's Apostle divorced you all?' She replied, 'I don't know. He is there in the upper room.' I then went out and came to the pulpit and found a group of people around it and some of them were weeping. Then I sat with them for some time, but could not endure the situation. So I went to the upper room where the Prophet was and requested to a black slave of his: "Will you get the permission of (Allah's Apostle) for Umar (to enter)? The slave went in, talked to the Prophet about it and came out saying, 'I mentioned you to him but he did not reply.' So, I went and sat with the people who were sitting by the pulpit, but I could not bear the situation, so I went to the slave again and said: "Will you get he permission for Umar? He went in and brought the same reply as before. When I was leaving, behold, the slave called me saying, "Allah's Apostle has granted you permission." So, I entered upon the Prophet and saw him lying on a mat without wedding on it, and the mat had left its mark on the body of the Prophet, and he was leaning on a leather pillow stuffed with palm fires. I greeted him and while still standing, I said: "Have you divorced your wives?' He raised his eyes to me and replied in the negative. And then while still standing, I said chatting: "Will you heed what I say, 'O Allah's Apostle! We, the people of Quraish used to have the upper hand over our women (wives), and when we came to the people whose women had the upper hand over them..."

'Umar told the whole story (about his wife). "On that the Prophet smiled." 'Umar further said, "I then said, 'I went to Hafsa and said to her: Do not be tempted to imitate your companion ('Aisha) for she is more beautiful than you and more beloved to the Prophet.' The Prophet smiled again. When I saw him smiling, I sat down and cast a glance at the room, and by Allah, I couldn't see anything of importance but three hides. I said (to Allah's Apostle) "Invoke Allah to make your followers prosperous for the Persians and the Byzantines have been made prosperous and given worldly luxuries, though they do not worship Allah?' The Prophet was leaning then (and on hearing my speech he sat straight) and said, 'O Ibn Al-Khatttab! Do you have any doubt (that the Hereafter is better than this world)? These people have been given rewards of their good deeds in this world only.' I asked the Prophet . 'Please ask Allah's forgiveness for me.

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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 12 August 2010 at 7:13am
Hazrat Umar's (r.a) incidents are always so interesting, always enjoy reading them. I find it "adorable" (for lack of a better word) how he was always so concerned for Hafsah's (r.a) marital life since she had a passionate temper like her father. He was always rebuking her for her that :)

On the authority of Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqas, who related:

Umar said: ‘One day I went to the Prophet and saw him smiling. “May God make you smile forever, O Messenger of God!”, I said, and asked why he was smiling.

I smile at those women (his wives). They were chatting in front of me before you came. When they heard your voice, they all vanished, he answered still smiling. On hearing this answer, I raised my voice and told them, ‘O enemies of your own selves, you are scared of me, but you are not scared of the Messenger of God, and you do not show respect to him.’ “You are hard-hearted and strict”, they replied.
Tongue

"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 12 August 2010 at 11:36am

I have worked in an Islamic community most of my adult life, and I testify to the need of both types of personalities; hard-hearted and strict, as well as soft and easygoing.  As a matter of fact, I guess our discussion board reflects this as well.

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abdi80
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Quote abdi80 Replybullet Posted: 29 November 2010 at 3:41am
So what you are saying is essentially some women need a strict hard hearted man who can keep them in check.
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abdi80
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Quote abdi80 Replybullet Posted: 29 November 2010 at 4:34am

Salaam Aleikum,

I have problem and I hope you can help me with the help of guidance from the Quran and Sunnah

I want to get married and my parents want me to marry but they wont accept the girl i want to marry becuase she is

from a different tribe. She is a good person and religious and we are really compatible. I have tried and tried to speak

with them  but to no avail. I dont think i will ever recover from this becuase soon or later the girl will go. She cant wait

for me forever as its not fair on her. Her family is ready and she wants to marry me as well. It is mutual. I have given

up with regards to my parents. What does the shariah say about this?? The girl wont marry me unless my parents are

involved. I have not told her the sticking point is her tribe. I think that would hurt her. Please advise  but as I said the

talking is over and to no avail.I have even used my relatives and they have not succeeded. The worst thing that annoys is me is that they are trying to set me up with girls who are of the same tribe as me. They say we have got the experience and we want what is best for you. I just dont get that. Surely everything is in the hands of Allah and you cannot predict the future. If a marriage works it works, if not, then it doesnt. It's a shame it's come to this. I never for once thought my parents would make marriage difficult for me. To make matters worse, they claim they want me to get married, but then wont let me marry whom i want. Did the prophet not say, there are four criteria in choosing a wife and the FIRST is her Deen?. So why are they causing this problem. I met the girl in an online forum. We have met and talked and talked. This is the girl i want. Please help. I dont talk to my parents anymore as its a waste of time. My dad is blind and I dont want to cause any more stress in the house. I have caused so much aleady. It is so sad.

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