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Family Matter
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Topic: Polygamy Study
    Posted: 09 August 2010 at 1:27pm
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Divya_Mohammed
 
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Quote Divya_Mohammed Replybullet Posted: 10 August 2010 at 3:12am
Assalam Alaikum
 
I really do not understand the rationale of polygamy in modern times the world over, that is permitted in Islam. Although there are several guidelines as to when a man can take second, third and fourth wives, I wonder if all men really understand the responsibility. Polygamy earlier surely helped widowed and divorced woman to re-marry and seek respect in society.
 
In my case, as a former non-Muslim woman, I have sacrificed my family, parents, friends, religion etc and married a Muslim Man and accepted Islam and Muslim way of life. But somewhere in my heart, I have a fear, as to what I will do if my husband takes more wives.
 
A non-Muslim friend of mine freightened me that if he takes more wives, I will be forced not only to share my husband but even become a kind of a slave to him and his other wives and even do massage to his body and to the aching  sweaty bodies of his newer wives while they indulge in sex and love-making. Also she told me that a Muslim man can take as many temporary wives as he chooses. What is the truth about these accusations, which appear to be false.
 
I believe that a woman is created out of man and is designed to be subservient to a man and it is  duty as a wife to be subordinate to him and his desires and do every thing to please his mind and body, by accepting his domination at all times.
 
I am confused.
 
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 10 August 2010 at 8:26am
Yes, you are correct the accusations are indeed false.
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 10 August 2010 at 9:42pm
Yes they are false..

it is good you are checking.. can you imagine Allah Allah permitting the first part you wrote??? I mean haya- modesty - are very central to Islam.. that goes against it for sure.

I believe that a woman is created out of man and is designed to be subservient to a man and it is  duty as a wife to be subordinate to him and his desires and do every thing to please his mind and body, by accepting his domination at all times.

Let me ask you if the Prophet (PBUH) and his wives live as partners? I believe they argued with him. Domination is quite a strong word... In fact our beloved Prophet (PBUH) helped around the house etc. Would you interpret that he was "dominating"?

A good marriage has mutual kindness and respect where both spouses try to please each other. You or any other woman is not a machine.. (some people think that).

I cannot imagine I was "designed" to be subservient to a man. That makes it seem like we are beast of burden.

We were designed to worship Allah.


D all men "get" the guidelines of polygyny? No. That is clear. Do some yes.

Your own life: I can truly say that if on one hand you think about it and reflect it can be good. It has its benefits and there are people in polygyny who are quite happy. And is it "needed," sure. Even based upon "Numbers" of men and women, there are more men then women.

I think it is good to reflect sister  that you should never love anyone more then you love Allah. And this life is very temporal.

ON the other hand wasting time fearing something that may not come to pass is not good. Reflection and education yes. And if your husband did marry again, nothing says you need to stay with him.   It is not "for" everyone. Only you can decide that if that is the test you are to deal with in this life.


Edited by Hayfa - 11 August 2010 at 7:14pm
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 11 August 2010 at 1:23pm
Originally posted by Divya_Mohammed

Assalam Alaikum
 
I believe that a woman is created out of man and is designed to be subservient to a man and it is  duty as a wife to be subordinate to him and his desires and do every thing to please his mind and body, by accepting his domination at all times. 
 


Wa'alaikum salaam Sis,

As a general rule, Muslim women are not required to be 'subservient' to Muslim men. It depends on the sanctity of the relationship b/w a man and a woman. The role and respect-given changes according to the nature of a relationship. A son is supposed to be subservient to his mother, even more so than he is supposed to be subservient to his father.

Like Sis Hayfa explained, a Muslim marriage is more of a partnership than a slave-master relationship, while a husband does have certain authoritative rights in order to be an effective manager/leader of his household, his wife is not required to behave like a doormat or humble servant. Both the man and wife should do everything to please each other, not just the wife. Prophet Muhammad's Sunnah reflects how muslim men are taught to be pleasing towards thier wives. Its a mutual thing.

If a husband is caring, loving and protective of his wife - it is going to be a default/natural/biological response of the wife to be adoring, caring and respectful towards him as well.

Hayfa gave a good example of our Prophet, while he was an authoritative figure not only to his ummah as well as family, his wives were not the stereotypically "dominated" wives. They had immense love and respect for him, and he never tried to suppress their strong personalities or prevent them from expressing thier personality. Reading about the Prophets' interaction with his wives never fails to amaze me, and fills me with love for our Prophet and the mothers of the faithful each time! Heart



"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 11 August 2010 at 1:26pm
Originally posted by abuayisha

The impact of polygamy in Malaysia 


Interesting article! Perhaps they should introduce laws to keep a check on polygyny as well. If not practiced the Islamic way, it can backfire and destroy society. Maybe they should introduce a similar clause like Pakistan has, while Polygyny in Pakistan is legal, the husband needs to get written consent from his wife so that it is not misused.


"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 11 August 2010 at 1:38pm
"Reading about the Prophets' interaction with his wives never fails to amaze me, and fills me with love for our Prophet..."
 
Yes, and with others as well:
 
A Jewish man named Zayd bin Sana came to the Prophet of Islam to reclaim a debt. He grabbed the Prophet by his robe and cloak, pulled the Prophet close to his face, and said, ‘Muhammad, are you not going to give me my due? You and your clan Banu Muttalib never pay debts on time!’ Umar, one of the companions of the Prophet, got agitated and said, ‘Enemy of God, am I really hearing what you just said to God’s Prophet. I swear by the One who sent him with truth, if I were not afraid that he would blame me, I would have taken my sword and cut your head off!’ The Prophet looked calmly at Umar and censured him gently:

“Umar, that is not what we needed to hear from you. You should have counseled me to pay my debts in time and asked him to seek repayment in a respectful manner. Now take him, repay him his debt from my money and give him an extra twenty measures of date.”

The Jewish man was so pleasantly surprised by the Prophet’s behavior that he immediately declared his acceptance of Islam!

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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 11 August 2010 at 1:55pm
Originally posted by abuayisha

"Reading about the Prophets' interaction with his wives never fails to amaze me, and fills me with love for our Prophet..."
 
Yes, and with others as well:
 
A Jewish man named Zayd bin Sana came to the Prophet of Islam to reclaim a debt. He grabbed the Prophet by his robe and cloak, pulled the Prophet close to his face, and said, ‘Muhammad, are you not going to give me my due? You and your clan Banu Muttalib never pay debts on time!’ Umar, one of the companions of the Prophet, got agitated and said, ‘Enemy of God, am I really hearing what you just said to God’s Prophet. I swear by the One who sent him with truth, if I were not afraid that he would blame me, I would have taken my sword and cut your head off!’ The Prophet looked calmly at Umar and censured him gently:

“Umar, that is not what we needed to hear from you. You should have counseled me to pay my debts in time and asked him to seek repayment in a respectful manner. Now take him, repay him his debt from my money and give him an extra twenty measures of date.”

The Jewish man was so pleasantly surprised by the Prophet’s behavior that he immediately declared his acceptance of Islam!



Most definitely!!!! Heart

There are so many of such inspiring instances from Sunnah, many a times the Prophet never even got to "preaching" Islam, they would accept it based solely on his beautiful character and manners. Perhaps we should start a thread and share those stories...


"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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