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Groups – Women (Sisters)
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farheenfatima
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Quote farheenfatima Replybullet Posted: 25 April 2010 at 7:51am
I'm in tremendous mental pressure. Got married at 28 nd separated just after 3 months due to unforseen nd unfortunate situation.now i'm 30 nd living with my parents nd siblings. Before marriage i was working but now not working nd just killing time nd don't know what should i do.I'm a qualified trained teacher nd alhumdullillah was at the peak of my career when i decided to leave job nd get married. The man was quite a fellow who wanted to have the cake nd eat it too....anyways i have taken everything in the right spirit nd instead of fretting nd getting depressed decided to just live peacefully nd positively. I got myself admitted for MBA program but have skipped first semester exams due to lack of interest nd motivation in the subjects nd going back to college is not as easy i had imagined. I'm thinking of completely quitting the course nd not sure if that is the right decision The problem is with my younger sisters who constantly fight with me nd feel that i have ruined my life myself nd now i'm really not able to take the daily arguments anymore. I'm planning to move out of home by getting myself a job of a teacher in residential school BUT again worry if that is the right decision i'm really worried nd feeling horrible...i don't know how to solve the problems of my life! i'm really angry at myself for screwing up my life by marrying a person who was so selfish.....i left my career for him dreaming abt living with him in future but he was not brave enough to stand up for me nd honour the commitment anyways i have lost everything in life nd feel so disheartened nd sad that i'm really fed up of life i know that it's a test from Allah nd i have to face it i don't have any fnds nd so writing it all here to lessen the burden from my heart....it's really lonely nd i wish i had someone with whom i could share my feelings
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seekshidayath
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Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 25 April 2010 at 9:43pm
Hmm tho yeh baat hai.

All that has happened has happened Farheen. Now we will not reveiew it. It's waste to blame anyone. I don't say they are not blameworthy, but hum apni zabaan unkay liye kharaab nahi karenge. Okay

Immediate steps you need to take up is BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES. There are many divorcees and many girls who are not yet married and above your age. So you need not feel low. Woh kehtay hai na ki

"Khud hi ko kar buland itna ki har taqdeer se pehlay
Khuda banday se poochay ki teri raza kya hai"

Built yourselves that way. Instill confidence.

Continue your MBA. Education is always an adornment. Bahot kaam ki cheez hai

And finally take the fights of your sisters easy. Don't pay your ears to them. Insha Allah, one day they shall realise what they had done. You be good to them yehi akhlaaq hai. Islam teaches us to be good to those who wrong us. Waisay bhi siblings rivalry is common. It'snot that they do not love us.

Stay active here. Alhamdulillah, though we are not own sisters but we get bonded here very much, insha Allah

Patty hope you won't mind as i used urdu language in midst. That was to express myselves in better way and to comfort Farheen.



You can write to us always.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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farheenfatima
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Quote farheenfatima Replybullet Posted: 26 April 2010 at 2:14am
Asak,

Ur words are encouraging dear sister shidayath.Thanks and i'll try to be positive. i don't know if i'll continue with MBA or not because rite now i'm feeling very low and the subjects are too hard for me there is an inside voice which tells me that i can do it but i'm unable to get up nd go to college as mornings are becoming very depressing each day. Atleast by afternoon i gain some confidence but most of the time i feel so shaken and low and

Pls remember me in ur prayers and thanks again
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farheenfatima
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Quote farheenfatima Replybullet Posted: 27 April 2010 at 12:56am
pls advise me sister shidayath on this matter. I should go for a teacher job or continue with MBA. I'm in a dilemma and really worried nd confused. I don't know what to do and i'm afraid that i'll end up doing nothing
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seekshidayath
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Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 27 April 2010 at 4:50am
As Salamu Alaikum wa rahmatullah

My apologies for been late Farheen

Why don't you go for Isteqarah.

Where do you stay ? Are you from India sis ? If so, i can suggest something.


Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 27 April 2010 at 6:43am
Originally posted by farheenfatima

Asak,
  i don't know if i'll continue with MBA or not because rite now i'm feeling very low and the subjects are too hard for me there is an inside voice which tells me that i can do it but i'm unable to get up nd go to college as mornings are becoming very depressing each day.


Asallamualaikum Sis,

If you cannot decide b/w MBA & Teaching, then yes Istikhara is best. Make Istikhara. . .

However I would encourage you not to drop out of MBA until you find a teaching job. Because otherwise you will be free with nothing to do, and this will surely worsen depression. Staying busy helps us a lot. So why don't u start looking around for a job - meanwhile don't drop out just yet.

Also, another option - where do you live? Why don't you join a local islamic course ? This will not only refresh your imaan, it will give you a circle of good Muslimah friends & support system. You will learn & feel better , without wasting your precious time. Do think about it.


"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 30 April 2010 at 6:06pm
Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim
 
Dear Farheen,
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah
 
That weak voice from within is a true voice, to listen to it carefuly you will have to shut out/ignore the chaos that is surrounding you.  So listen to your inner voice and go for it ...
What man has done, man can do [same goes for women/girls Wink ]
 
You did the best thing to move out of a marriage, when it was not working for you. The longer you had waited, the difficult it would have been for you to take this step.
 
In the book: "When Anger Hurts" they are saying whatever a person does, s/he thinks it to be the correct thing at that moment - think about your sister's actions in this light. At that moment when she fights you, and gets angry at you, she actually thinks what she is doing is the right thing. Due to her angry state of mind she may not understand its harmful effects on you. Try to avoid the arguments, instead of getting drawn into them.
 
Know that it is far better to make your own mistakes, than to let others make them in your life. There are so many girls out there who are married in a mismatch by their parents, and circumstances force them to continue life - you are much, much better than them.  Kindly and firmly explain to your sister you accept that you made some wrong moves in life, but you have trust in Allah and courage to take what life offers.
 
Then, sincerely place your trust in Allah. It is He who is running the affairs of this world, not us! He is taking care of all His creatures all the time, then why will He leave you unattended. He took care of you when you were in your mother's womb, when you were a baby and could not even think or do the right thing for you. He took care of you after you married a wrong man ... then why will He not take care of you now? Think about it! Your caring nurturing Lord is always with you. Supplicate to Him and never give up hope in Him.
 
MBA is just two years, they will pass like breeze. Even if you like to go back to teaching, suspend it for two years and decide later. Go to college, make friends, organize your time, and push the painful memories aside, let time heal some of the pain.
 
Leave you in Allah's care!
 
nausheen
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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farheenfatima
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Quote farheenfatima Replybullet Posted: 01 May 2010 at 8:28am
Waleikumsalaam,

Dear sis Nausheen,

THANKS so much for positive encouragement. Ur words are truly like a fresh breeze and bring in new hope, especially at this time when I'm depressed and confused.

Inshallah will try to be positive and brave because life is not worth to be wasted in arguments and negativity. I gave all I could to the relationship and truly loved for the sake of Allah (SWT)and He knows best and He is the one whose 'WILL' prevails...It is by the wish of Allah SWT that the marriage failed and He does things for the betterment of his ibaadatguzaars. Yeah ur right that Allah is there for me always.

Do keep in touch dear sister,
Thanks again,
May Allah bless you,
Farheen.
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