Active TopicsActive Topics  Display List of Forum MembersMemberlist  CalendarCalendar  Search The ForumSearch  HelpHelp
  RegisterRegister  LoginLogin  Old ForumOld Forum  Twitter  Facebook
Advertisement:
         

General Islamic Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Religion - Islam : General Islamic Matter
Message Icon Topic: TELLING THE TRUTH Post Reply Post New Topic
Page  of 2 Next >>
Author Message
gynks79
Female Other
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 16 March 2010
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 54
Quote gynks79 Replybullet Topic: TELLING THE TRUTH
    Posted: 08 April 2010 at 1:06pm
Salaam sisters and brothers,
I have a question for all of you.  a friend and I were discussing the act of telling the truth all the time.  He believes that it is always necessary to tell the truth, even if it hurts someone, not intentionally of course.  My question to him was this:  Is it so necessary to tell the truth when it is at the expense of anothers feelings, heart, health, depression?  He said, he would not sleep or eat if he continued to hold the truth of something he felt he needed to say to a person.  My response was, "so it will be easier for you to sleep and eat knowing that you caused someone else not to be able to do the same?"  mmmm, he stood firm on his decision.  I feel this question is like a double edged sword.  What do you think, I would really like to know?
fatimah
IP IP Logged
seekshidayath
Female Islam
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 26 March 2006
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3345
Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 12 April 2010 at 6:05am
Walaikum Salaam wa rahmatullah

Sister these sayings of Prophet shall answer your question.

‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas’ood (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘You must be truthful, for truthfulness leads to righteousness and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man will keep speaking the truth and striving to speak the truth until he will be recorded with Allah as a siddeeq (speaker of the truth). Beware of telling lies, for lying leads to immorality and immorality leads to Hellfire. A man will keep telling lies and striving to tell lies until he is recorded with Allah as a liar.” (Reported by Muslim, 4721)

But no rule in Islam is rigid. I mean there are cases of exception where we can lie. Here are the hadiths,{extract from Islam-qa} sis.

One of these situations is when a person mediates between two disputing parties in order to reconcile between them, if reconciliation cannot be achieved in any other way. Um Kalthoom (may Allaah be pleased with her) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is not a liar who reconciles between people and conveys something good or says something good.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 2495).

Another example is a man’s speaking to his wife, or a woman speaking to her husband, with regard to matters that will strengthen the ties of love between them, even if that is accompanied by exaggeration. Asma’ bint Yazeed said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Lying is not permitted except in three cases: a man’s speaking to his wife to make her happy; lying at times of war; and lying in order to reconcile between people.’” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1862; he said: it is a hasan hadeeth. See also Saheeh Muslim, 4717).

Now coming to your question sis, truth always does hurt, but i believe in the way it is conveyed. If my friend asks me, as how she looks like, { and if her new dress does n't suit her}, i would convey this way, the other one suited you very much, that was of good color and design --. This way would convey her that this dress does n't suit her. --

What do you say ?
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
IP IP Logged
gynks79
Female Other
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 16 March 2010
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 54
Quote gynks79 Replybullet Posted: 12 April 2010 at 6:23am
Wylekum Salaam sister,
You know I love talking to you so much and all the others here.  I have never met such gentle people in my life.  I thank Allah to have all of you.  I did read the information you sent to me sister, and I am glad that there are exceptions.  I do not like to say anythng to hurt anyone, I try so hard to choose my words carefully.  I know how it feels to be hurt in so many ways, and do not wish to place this pain on anyone.  Yes I agree regarding things such as clothes, materials, and maybe a few personal things or ways that we may have.  But I am unsure when it comes to questions someone ask regarding personal desires or other people, especially if the want I can see in their eyes.  Ex:  if my friend meet someone she love so much, and I know this man is not good for her, but i see she has her own mind about him.  How could I break her heart, what good way could I tell her not to be with him.  Or if we find someone love us and we do not love him the same, but he is a so good person, how can you tell him these words that will hurt him so much.  I remember my sister coming out of the hospital 2 months ago, she lost so so much weight, she did not look good at all and I was afraid for her.  she ask me how she look, I did not say the truth, I know it will hurt her.  So I say to her u look fine. its very hard for me sister.
fatima
IP IP Logged
Pati
Female Christian
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 10 April 2009
Location: Spain
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 306
Quote Pati Replybullet Posted: 12 April 2010 at 1:42pm
Hi gynks79,
 
I think that the point should be in the question: what is going to hurt her more, a lie or the truth? Sometimes, a lie just last the pain for years, while the truth is like a very big pain for weeks or months.
 
Myself, I prefer to say my opinion everytime, the truth. Sometimes I am hurting people, but I try my best to do the right thing everytime, and I just give to the rest of the people what I would like to have myself.
 
If one of my friends is meeting a boy I don't like, I will tell her why I don't like him, even sometimes I am telling him directly. If I don't like the clothes that one of my friend is wearing and she is asking me, I will answer here the truth.
 
Sure you should not use the truth like a weapon, using it against everyone. You should use it to help people who are doing something wrong, or who are doing something you don't like, or who are just interested in your opinion.
 
If you appreciate someone, you should be opened with him and give him the truth the same way you would ask him to tell you the truth.
 
But I recognise that sometimes, the silence is more enlightening that the words, and other times, the people need the lie to survive (for instance, your sister situation).
 
Regards,
Patricia
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
IP IP Logged
seekshidayath
Female Islam
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 26 March 2006
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3345
Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2010 at 1:12am
As Salamu Alaikkum
 
Sis Fatimah, we all know very well that Islam teaches us to be truthful even if its against oneself. All we need is hikmah. Before going to it, would like to express my happiness over your good character that you are very mindful of what you speak. This is the exact practice of our Prophet. May Allah swt guide me too to practice us.
 
 
We will take your 1st case :
 
Ex:  if my friend meet someone she love so much, and I know this man is not good for her, but i see she has her own mind about him.  How could I break her heart, what good way could I tell her not to be with him.
 
Remember sister that truth always pricks. It's not easily acceptable. I would suggest that you let know your friend about what you find wrong in him. You must be knowing your friend very well. So act accordingly. Let her have trust in you and believe you.. Yes, sometimes the conditions are such that they don't want to listen truth. But the thing is you convey her the truth else, tomorrow you will be more hurted and even this same friend may go against you, that despite knowing his negativities, you did not let her know. One day or the other she will know him very well.
 
 Don't think you shall loose your friend. May be for few days, she may get far but once when she realises, she will choose only you for further advises. Or may she may get alerted soon after you tell her.
 
 
 
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
IP IP Logged
seekshidayath
Female Islam
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 26 March 2006
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3345
Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2010 at 1:28am
2nd case :
 
  Or if we find someone love us and we do not love him the same, but he is a so good person, how can you tell him these words that will hurt him so much.
 
This reminded me an incident from seerah {biography of Prophet} We all know very well, how dear our Prophet was to all the sahabas. They were ready to gives their lives to protect our prophet. Love of sahabas need not be explained -- May we too hold that much of love for our Prophet --. But the incident here is, once in a gathering, Prophet {salllal lahu alayhi wasallam} was asked, whom did he like most amongst sahabas { I may need correction here, as i don't remember if it was asked whom he likes most / who is dear to him or who is his best friend}
 
But the answer would help us. Prophet {pbuh} immediately said - it was Abu Bakr. Prophet was direct to all. He did not think that he would be hurting all those who loved him so much than anything in the world. He did not lie. He was known to be truthful.
 
Secondy, in your case, does that person ask you , if you like her as much as she likes ? If she does n't ask just drop it. If she asks say that you do like her. Don't say  i like you less than how much you love me -- etc. Love cannot be measured, right !
 
 
 
 
 
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
IP IP Logged
seekshidayath
Female Islam
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 26 March 2006
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3345
Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2010 at 1:36am
3rd case :
 
I remember my sister coming out of the hospital 2 months ago, she lost so so much weight, she did not look good at all and I was afraid for her.  she ask me how she look, I did not say the truth, I know it will hurt her.  So I say to her u look fine. its very hard for me sister.
 
You must have noticed sis, that though you said she is fine in her looks, but other people who must have met her surely would have told her that she is not like before ! Right. This would have saddened her and she might think that "my sis, told me a lie to keep me happy".
 
I would say, insha Allah, you shall recover soon as you are back from hospital. From next day onwards, we gradually see improvements from such patients, so would say her that you are now much better than yesterday ! This would boost her up. Else, when she would gain her weight like before she may feel, i was looking fine when was with less weight, now gaining weight may make me bad in my looks ! This would  deprive her to be happy with her improvements
 
All these were my thoughts.
 
 
 
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
IP IP Logged
gynks79
Female Other
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 16 March 2010
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 54
Quote gynks79 Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2010 at 5:18am
good morning Pati,
thank you for your insight, your thoughts are worth considering.  I don't like to lie to anyone as well, if it comes to that I will say nothing or just tell them, I don't know.  I mean there are people who have gone into such depression over someone telling them what they perceive to be the truth.  Others have withdrawn from the world because of it.  Everyone is not strong enough to accept what we call the truth.  I just don't want to be the one who causes someone to hurt in this way, people are more important than that, to me.
fatimah
IP IP Logged
Page  of 2 Next >>
Post Reply Post New Topic
Printable version Printable version

Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot create polls in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed herein contain positions and viewpoints that are not necessarily those of IslamiCity. This forum is offered to stimulate dialogue and discussion in our continuing mission of being an educational organization.
If there is any issue with any of the postings please email to icforum at islamicity.com or if you are a forum's member you can use the report button.

Note: The 99 names of Allah avatars are courtesy of www.arthafez.com

Advertisement:



Sponsored by:
Islamicity Membership Program:
IslamiCity Donation Program  http://www.islamicity.com/Donate
IslamiCity Arabic eLearning http://www.islamiCity.com/ArabAcademy
Complete Domain & Hosting Solutions www.icDomain.com
Home for Muslim Tunes www.icTunes.com
Islamic Video Collections www.islamiTV.com
IslamiCity Marriage Site www.icMarriage.com