IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum: Would you marry a women with a child?

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abuayisha

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Posted: 24 March 2010 at 9:46am

"If the parents of that gentlemen objected on the grounds of her having a child, divorced status, and even being a convert - then it could possibly be unislamic advise... " How could this possibly be when their advise is not binding upon their son's decision?

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Chrysalis

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Posted: 24 March 2010 at 10:26am

Originally posted by abuayisha

"If the parents of that gentlemen objected on the grounds of her having a child, divorced status, and even being a convert - then it could possibly be unislamic advise... " How could this possibly be when their advise is not binding upon their son's decision?

Well, perhaps not legally binding. But in most Muslim households to this day, Parents do have the final say. And children succumb because they are just not conditioned to go against them... even if they do believe in their heart and mind that they are doing the right thing. Most Muslim parents still have that authority and power over their offspring to dissuade the children or "put their foot down". Some even use emotional blackmail for the silliest of things. Ouch

. Perhaps what I am trying to say is, that often in matters like this we say "Parents know best" - but then again, they are fallible and prone to error.

Relating back to the questioner, what I am basically trying to say is, that from what I have read so far, I sympathize with her. And I feel dejected as a female to think that a woman is turned down because she is a divorcee with a child. (if that was the actual reason behind the parent's rejection). Thats not what Muslims were supposed to be like. Confused

Edited by Chrysalis - 24 March 2010 at 10:28am

"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."

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abuayisha

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Posted: 24 March 2010 at 11:00am

Yeah, but take heart, he's not the only "fish in the sea" if that's not what he or his family wants, there are others. I feel it's far better to be honest with feelings before getting married. What if he was struck by her good looks and didn't give sufficient consideration to difficulties being a "step-parent" and later said, 'sorry this just isn't going to work for me.' Dejection for any reason, weight, age, education or otherwise, isn't pleasant, but there is a "sliver lining" I believe, and that is an opportunity to find the right individual.

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nu001
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Posted: 24 March 2010 at 11:03pm

Sure, Why not? Other factors for slecting a wife should apply as well.

"Al-Quran-The only Straight path to success. Alhamdulillah"

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nu001
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Posted: 24 March 2010 at 11:57pm

Originally posted by abuayisha

Yeah, but take heart, he's not the only "fish in the sea" if that's not what he or his family wants, there are others. I feel it's far better to be honest with feelings before getting married. What if he was struck by her good looks and didn't give sufficient consideration to difficulties being a "step-parent" and later said, 'sorry this just isn't going to work for me.' Dejection for any reason, weight, age, education or otherwise, isn't pleasant, but there is a "sliver lining" I believe, and that is an opportunity to find the right individual.

Very Well said.

"Al-Quran-The only Straight path to success. Alhamdulillah"

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fais

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Posted: 18 April 2010 at 12:56am

Salam sister,

First of all you are choosing a haram way by going on arab dating sites u find nothing but men who will make u go astray and not surprise they will be born muslims.so haram's result is haram.halal's result is halal,

u r young enough to restart,concentrate on ur career,be a lioness,u will see Lions following u automatically,believe me sister,dont loose ur caracter which is the most important for a woman this is what a man looks for in a woman specially muslim men.

beware of indians pakistanis and arabs who marry american girls for nationality,i m also Indian but telling u this as sister.again there good men also look for someone who is good know his deen and if he needs ur support like getting a greencard or something thats no harm but beware of their intentions.

and onething men who really wanna marry will not care for their parents.it is just an excuse from we asian men.

dont just feel like u r a toy,its you who will decide what u wanna be a toy or a chaste woman who is so dear to allah.

may this help

Regards

Faisal

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Pati
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Location: Spain
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Posted: 18 April 2010 at 2:40am

Dear Iuvmasoul,

I wouldn't blame his parents. He is 30 years old, and I have to understand that he has an independent life (even if he is living with his parents, he should have his job and he should be economically independent). So, if he is following his parents opinion maybe it is because it's fitting with his own opinion.

I mean, maybe his parents just said what he was already thinking. With 30 years old, most probably he is looking for someone to marry (let us say), but you are offering him not just a wife, but a whole family... maybe he is just afraid from the situation. I think that he didn't grow up enough as to face the situation you have, but this is not your fault, be sure, even not his fault. Just life matters.

I wouldn't take it into account, and you have to be sure that God is giving us everything we need, the only problem is that sometimes, we don't have any idea of what you need. Maybe this situation comes because God has a message for you to focus in different things than getting married (I don't know anything about your personal life, but that's my opinion).

You are really young, so don't burn your life looking for a husband, just enjoy it like a mother and a grown woman. Go to the Mosque, meet people there, and increase your knowledge about everything (not only Islam

Forgive him for the pain, but you have to imagine if you were in his place, waiting for so long to find the perfect wife and suddenly, your parents don't agree with your choose... he is confused, I think.

All the best

Patricia

No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.

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fais

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Joined: 24 August 2009
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Posted: 13 July 2010 at 9:31am

where is the starter of this topic,plz sister u shud reply when u expect comments from others

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Topic: Would you marry a women with a child?
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Author	Message
abuayisha Senior Member Joined: 05 October 1999 Online Status: Offline Posts: 3992	Posted: 24 March 2010 at 9:46am
	"If the parents of that gentlemen objected on the grounds of her having a child, divorced status, and even being a convert - then it could possibly be unislamic advise... " How could this possibly be when their advise is not binding upon their son's decision?
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Chrysalis Senior Member Joined: 25 November 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 2030	Posted: 24 March 2010 at 10:26am
	*Originally posted by abuayisha* "If the parents of that gentlemen objected on the grounds of her having a child, divorced status, and even being a convert - then it could possibly be unislamic advise... " How could this possibly be when their advise is not binding upon their son's decision? Well, perhaps not legally binding. But in most Muslim households to this day, Parents do have the final say. And children succumb because they are just not conditioned to go against them... even if they do believe in their heart and mind that they are doing the right thing. Most Muslim parents still have that authority and power over their offspring to dissuade the children or "put their foot down". Some even use emotional blackmail for the silliest of things. . Perhaps what I am trying to say is, that often in matters like this we say "Parents know best" - but then again, they are fallible and prone to error. Relating back to the questioner, what I am basically trying to say is, that from what I have read so far, I sympathize with her. And I feel dejected as a female to think that a woman is turned down because she is a divorcee with a child. (if that was the actual reason behind the parent's rejection). Thats not what Muslims were supposed to be like. Edited by Chrysalis - 24 March 2010 at 10:28am
	"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
	IP Logged

abuayisha Senior Member Joined: 05 October 1999 Online Status: Offline Posts: 3992	Posted: 24 March 2010 at 11:00am
	Yeah, but take heart, he's not the only "fish in the sea" if that's not what he or his family wants, there are others. I feel it's far better to be honest with feelings before getting married. What if he was struck by her good looks and didn't give sufficient consideration to difficulties being a "step-parent" and later said, 'sorry this just isn't going to work for me.' Dejection for any reason, weight, age, education or otherwise, isn't pleasant, but there is a "sliver lining" I believe, and that is an opportunity to find the right individual.
	IP Logged

nu001 Male Islam Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 252	Posted: 24 March 2010 at 11:03pm
	Sure, Why not? Other factors for slecting a wife should apply as well.
	"Al-Quran-The only Straight path to success. Alhamdulillah"
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nu001 Male Islam Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 252	Posted: 24 March 2010 at 11:57pm
	*Originally posted by abuayisha* Yeah, but take heart, he's not the only "fish in the sea" if that's not what he or his family wants, there are others. I feel it's far better to be honest with feelings before getting married. What if he was struck by her good looks and didn't give sufficient consideration to difficulties being a "step-parent" and later said, 'sorry this just isn't going to work for me.' Dejection for any reason, weight, age, education or otherwise, isn't pleasant, but there is a "sliver lining" I believe, and that is an opportunity to find the right individual. Very Well said.
	"Al-Quran-The only Straight path to success. Alhamdulillah"
	IP Logged

fais Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Online Status: Offline Posts: 281	Posted: 18 April 2010 at 12:56am
	Salam sister, First of all you are choosing a haram way by going on arab dating sites u find nothing but men who will make u go astray and not surprise they will be born muslims.so haram's result is haram.halal's result is halal, u r young enough to restart,concentrate on ur career,be a lioness,u will see Lions following u automatically,believe me sister,dont loose ur caracter which is the most important for a woman this is what a man looks for in a woman specially muslim men. register urself with good sites like nikah.com for marraige if u r serious. beware of indians pakistanis and arabs who marry american girls for nationality,i m also Indian but telling u this as sister.again there good men also look for someone who is good know his deen and if he needs ur support like getting a greencard or something thats no harm but beware of their intentions. and onething men who really wanna marry will not care for their parents.it is just an excuse from we asian men. dont just feel like u r a toy,its you who will decide what u wanna be a toy or a chaste woman who is so dear to allah. may this help Regards Faisal
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Pati Female Christian Senior Member Joined: 10 April 2009 Location: Spain Online Status: Offline Posts: 305	Posted: 18 April 2010 at 2:40am
	Dear Iuvmasoul, I wouldn't blame his parents. He is 30 years old, and I have to understand that he has an independent life (even if he is living with his parents, he should have his job and he should be economically independent). So, if he is following his parents opinion maybe it is because it's fitting with his own opinion. I mean, maybe his parents just said what he was already thinking. With 30 years old, most probably he is looking for someone to marry (let us say), but you are offering him not just a wife, but a whole family... maybe he is just afraid from the situation. I think that he didn't grow up enough as to face the situation you have, but this is not your fault, be sure, even not his fault. Just life matters. I wouldn't take it into account, and you have to be sure that God is giving us everything we need, the only problem is that sometimes, we don't have any idea of what you need. Maybe this situation comes because God has a message for you to focus in different things than getting married (I don't know anything about your personal life, but that's my opinion). You are really young, so don't burn your life looking for a husband, just enjoy it like a mother and a grown woman. Go to the Mosque, meet people there, and increase your knowledge about everything (not only Islam ). Forgive him for the pain, but you have to imagine if you were in his place, waiting for so long to find the perfect wife and suddenly, your parents don't agree with your choose... he is confused, I think. All the best Patricia
	No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
	IP Logged

fais Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Online Status: Offline Posts: 281	Posted: 13 July 2010 at 9:31am
	where is the starter of this topic,plz sister u shud reply when u expect comments from others
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