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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
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zahreign
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Quote zahreign Replybullet Topic: Marriage For my Daughter
    Posted: 16 March 2010 at 10:29pm

Assalam 3leykom Wara7matollahi Wabarakattoh

 

Dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I have been an active reader but never a participant to this site but MashaAllah I believe that it is a great site. So I decided to register because I have had a concern that has always been a major distress. I am a 66 years old woman with an only child of 28 years. I have been a mother for a very long time and of course I’ve yearned to be a grandmother. But that is not the issue.

 

I would appreciate any feedbacks and advise I could possibly get to help me and my daughter get through this. I am her only family member presently living with her here (NW). We do not have any family members except extended relatives who do not live close by. Her dad passed away about five years ago and since then my daughter had been the bread winner. I used to work but had retired for almost 10 years now. She works and is a very responsible individual MashaAllah.

 

Both of our concern is that she has never had the privilege of being asked for her hand in marriage. The place we live in has very few Muslims. I rarely go out and she on the other hand works and does part time school and never gets a moment to mingle with friends. But Al7amdulillah her problem is not that she’s socially inept. It’s just that she rarely gets a chance to visit with friends and even if she did get a chance it’s mostly non-Muslims as the place lacks a good Muslim community.

 

We all know that it is Haraam to be promiscuous so that is not even an option. Meaning she has never dated and I would never encourage her to date. So the real dilemma is; if she does not go out on dates, has very few friends (more like colleagues and not a Muslim companions) who are mostly non-Muslims, if the community we live in is mostly un-Islamic, and we have both prayed so hard. What other options do we have? What advice can I give her?

 

It has been relayed (I can’t really quote from anything) that Islam encourages hardworking. Meaning you cannot sit and do nothing yet say that you are praying for something and expecting it to happen. But rather you should work hard for it. Hence we’ve even tried a couple of Islamic Matrimonial websites but to no avail. I am as much frustrated as my daughter for I feel helpless. We have been living in an isolated environment and for the life of me I can’t think of anyone that I could introduce my daughter to. I feel really bad for her and as her mother I feel I have accomplished nothing for my daughter. We have prayed so hard that sometimes I admit that I have kufur (sinned) by thinking that Allah SWT does not heed our prayers. Please give me any advice. I might have overlooked something. What can I do for my daughter? JazakaAllah.

 

 

 

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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 17 March 2010 at 7:37pm
Asalaam Alaikum,

Welcome to the Forum. It is nice for you to write.

What a wonderful daughter you have had. It dies seem like a very special relationship that Allah has blessed you with.

What is the closest big city that you live near?

There has to be ways..  Smile

I will private message you..

Hayfa





When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 18 March 2010 at 2:26am
Wa'alaikum salaam wa rahamtullahi wa barakatuhu Sis Zahriegn,


Sorry I cannot offer any constructive advise. :(
Just wanted to drop in and say that you are not alone in this situation. Despite globalisation, many muslims living in non-muslim societies go through what you are going. (Actually, even in Muslim societies ppl go through this!) May Allah give ease to all of them. Allah will surely reward you all for the extra effort you have to make while striving as a Muslim in an isolated environment.

Matrimonial Websites don't often give results, unfortunately. I hope you do PM Sis Hayfa, hopefully inshAllah she shall have some good advise.

Which is the nearest Mosque to you? Often Mosques in the west have some sort of matchmaking concept. Since its a community hub. Perhaps you could try asking. Or google up big Mosques near you, they may have a website, and they sometimes offer matchmaking services. Hope that works.

Meanwhile - just remind yourself, that marriage, that like any other part of life is part of the fate and "qismet" that Allah ordained for us. You never know when, how and to whom. Allah works in mysterious ways ! And when we look around ourselves and contemplate we come to realize that. I have seen so many such examples around me, sometimes it simply stumps me!

Will inshAllah try to remember you in my duas,
Take Care Sis and do stick around !
Hug










"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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UmmFatima
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Quote UmmFatima Replybullet Posted: 18 March 2010 at 7:36am
Assalaamu alaykum-

Many people I know marry out of their area - my best friend got married to a guy of the same ethnic background from the other side of the country. They were hooked up by the local Imam.

Talk to your local Imam about this, he may know of some local bachelors, or even someone from outside your region.

Another friend of mine recently married a guy she met from Dubai, again of the same ethnicity. They talked extensively online and their families met each other before anything serious took place.

I don't know about matrimonial websites. Try your local Imam and extended family members in other places. The internet gives all sorts of opportunities to talk, even if the prospective couple is living separate on different continents.

I had friends try to hook me up with cousins, uncles, nephews - many of them in different countries (Egypt, Iraq, etc). Alhamdulillah I got married, but I went to a Muslim country to study Islam and found my husband there.
“Our Lord! Grant us comfort in our spouses and descendants, and make us leaders of the God-fearing.” -Al-Furqan 74
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Quote Samir_Abdul Replybullet Posted: 18 March 2010 at 10:02am
salaam malkum my sister..yes your not alone in this struggle..i live in a city with a nice muslim population, and its still hard to find a companion...just trust that allah knows best....
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seekshidayath
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Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 18 March 2010 at 10:31am
As Salamu Alaikum,

JazakAllahu khayr for registering here at Islamicity and sharing with. Though, we cannot advice you much but atleast those people who reject girls or are very choosy will know a pain of a mother

Only thing i can say is, sis, kindly stay strong and be with patience. Allah swt does hears us and answers us. If our prayers are n't answered, there's something good in it. I wish you stay stronger since you are her strength . We daughters break down, when we see our mothers upset.

Duas are our weapons. Don't ever get tired of making duas, sis. And personally from my side, convey my salaams to your daughter, for i just hold lots of respect for such a sister in Islam.

May Allah swt soon accept your duas. Ameen
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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Ashamed
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Quote Ashamed Replybullet Posted: 23 March 2010 at 5:52pm

I did a deadly sin..i am new in this forum,plz sum1 help me out and discuss with me

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seekshidayath
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Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 23 March 2010 at 6:24pm
As Salamu Alaikum

Sister, 'Ashamed', i did read your posts. Kindly don't write them over boards. You can send a private message to any of the sisters. Insha Allah, i myselves shall write to you. I understand the guilt when we commit the sin. Don't despair the mercy of Allah. Insha Allah, shall write to you by evening.

Sab teek ho jayega ! Allah khayr karay.



Edited by seekshidayath - 23 March 2010 at 6:26pm
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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