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General Islamic Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Religion - Islam : General Islamic Matter
Message Icon Topic: Parent Issues, in need of help. Post Reply Post New Topic
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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 10 March 2010 at 3:57am
Shawn,
Personally, as a mom, I would not be happy if my 14yr old converted to any religion without telling me.
There should be no secrets like that between a child and parent. I know in Islam you do not have to tell anyone what you are doing, but think about your mother also. Taking the shahada is a BIG step, especially for someone of your age.
Just think about it a lot before you go ahead.

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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 10 March 2010 at 4:12am
Seeks and other members,
Do you have any idea what it's like for a young person to make this kind of decision? HAve you any idea what the repercussions could be for this young man if he goes ahead?
He could lose ALL his friends, maybe his family too. He should not have any secrets like this. He can learn more about Islam and decide as an adult to do shahada.What is the hurry for him? God knows his heart, but Shawn also has to live in this world. He could have many hardships in the future . I don't feel we should rush him. We don;t know all his circumstances do we? Forget that muslims will help him, his best help as a young man comes from his family first.

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 10 March 2010 at 4:19am
Shawn,

Look at this link and make sure you understand all the conditions of shahada


http://www.islamtomorrow.com/9points.htm


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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 10 March 2010 at 4:35am
Martha,

On one level I agree with you, but it also sounds like his family knows and are not threatening to throw him out of the house. He IS working with his parents. 

And maybe you have a view that 14 year olds are "children." Some children are quite mature at this age. I've taught many of them. We tend to actually, in the west,  put down young people and do not teach them responsibility. Young people CAN do great things. We tend to disrespect the young. And frankly, its great he would have the COURAGE. Most teens have nothing but dumb stuff in their head. And you know, don't be a follower. He looses friends, guess what, then they weren't really his friends. Why live a lie with them? Why say "pretend" you don't care about Islam and hide and live a lie?  What friends are those??? You talk about people standing up and doing the right thing, you rally against Muslims who don't cause they won't "take the risk."

And on one level your link is "correct" but not correct at the same time. I am surprised you posted it. He could do his Shahada and die tomorrow.. he is by all accounts past puberty and thus responsible for his actions.  This is one perspective on the Shahada.  And no we are not expected to have all of our "ducks" lined up when we do our Shahada. That is NOT true.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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seekshidayath
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Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 10 March 2010 at 8:59am
Originally posted by Shawn

(: the first thing i plan on asking friday is for them to help me say it.

 
That would be fine. By the way Shawn, why don't you read this and practice. Its the same, insha Allah, which will be read out there. You shall get used to it, if repeat it. AND Insha Allah, on Friday, it shall be easy for you to pronounce it
 
ASH-HADU ANLA ELAHA ILLA-ALLAH WA ASH-HADU ANNA MOHAMMADAN RASUL-ALLAH"
 
Which means : "I bear witness that there is no deity (none truely to be worshipped) but, Allah, and I bear witness that Mohammad is the messenger of Allah",
 
This uttering would be a formality, once when you started believing strongly that Islam is a true faith, you are a muslim. Anyways, brother, am quiet excited and counting the days !! All will be well, insha Allah. Stay firm and have trust in Allah Smile
 
 
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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seekshidayath
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Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 10 March 2010 at 9:26am
Originally posted by martha

Seeks and other members,
Do you have any idea what it's like for a young person to make this kind of decision?
 
Come on Martha ! we have live examples of youngsters before us at this forum  who are young. By the way as sis Hayfa said, his family is not threatening him. If he feels he will hurt them very much, he can hide his faith untill the right time. Its permitted in Islam to disclose his religion at appropriate time. 
 
By the way,  Shawn, if you are reading this, you shall proud to know, that many dear companions of Prophet Muhammad {Peace be upon him} embraced Islam when they were around Shawn's age {under 21}. You must not be aware of those names, Shawn as you are new. Once when you study more and more, i shall write to you their beautiful stories. You shall insha Allah, feel proud that even you embraced Islam at such a young age. You shall thank Allah for this blessing, insha Allah. Smile Thats the reason why am excited for you. I remembered those stories of young companions when read of you.
 
HAve you any idea what the repercussions could be for this young man if he goes ahead?
 
As said, he need not disclose his faith, if he feels threatened from his family. By the way a muslim would not care for all these fears, Martha. Did you not read, he has no such fears you are holding for him. By the way above all of us, and above all muslims, he has Allah with him., Is n't it Shawn Smile
 

He could lose ALL his friends, maybe his family too. He should not have any secrets like this.
 
Not necessary ! There are many reverts whom i know personally. Infact, those non-muslim friends help them. By the way don't you think, that would be a time to know who our true friends are ! Their live with there families. They practise own religions
 
 
He can learn more about Islam and decide as an adult to do shahada.What is the hurry for him? God knows his heart,
 
We are not forcing him Martha. When he did study Islam and when he feels he is satisfied with Islam as his way of life, what's bothering you!
 
 Comeon Martha, stand by him. You said you are a muslim. Don't you know that Islam is the only right religion. Why are you confusing him ! Its not necessary that one shud be an adult to embrace Islam. There;s no such condition.  Truly God knows his heart, whats wrong if he just pronounces shahadah before people. He may or may not disclose it to his family / friends. God knows him, right!
 
Why do you not bother of his life after death rather than these hardships {if at all} of this world which would at the most last for few years. Don't u know that Allah burdens only that which can bear ! Why are you scaring him !!
 
but Shawn also has to live in this world. He could have many hardships in the future . I don't feel we should rush him. We don;t know all his circumstances do we?
 
Comeon Martha, don't pour your negative thinking over him. Its not necessary that he would face all that. When we don't know the future why be a pessimist ! Even if he faces, Allah is with him. {Shawn, when you need us anytime, do let us know}
 
Forget that muslims will help him, his best help as a young man comes from his family first.
 
Yes, Shawn forget that muslims will help. Allah swt shall help you thru any source, be it muslim or non-muslim. BEST HELP IS FROM ALLAH.
 
By the way Shawn as our members advised you, kindly see that you are good to your family even than before, This shall insha Allah, let know your family members that your religion did not  snatch their son/brother. Islam teaches us to behave with goodness towards them.
 
We shall all pray for you, Shawn. May Allah ease your process, bless you with happiness, in this world as well as hereafter. Ameen
 




Edited by seekshidayath - 10 March 2010 at 9:35am
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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haris30432
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Quote haris30432 Replybullet Posted: 10 March 2010 at 10:55am
Peace Shawn,
 
I can imagine how u must b feeling now..after seeing all that comments from other members.Anyways,i m happy that you are interested in Islam.MayGOD guide you to the best understanding.Shawn,my intention here is not to confuse you or scare you in anyway but try my best to make you understand the best way God willing.You wrote that u have been thinking of converting to Islam which i assume means that you are still learning about Islam.And thats exactly what u need to do first.Learn islam more.Islam and muslim is not just about uttering words.Its a lot more.Its a way of life,which is definitely HUGE.So im all for your conversion to Islam but u need to know that its not a decision that u need to take on impulse.I ve heard of many who converted to Islam not knowing many things and eventually could not cope and left Islam.BTW i wud like to assert that Islam is a simple religion.Its easy to practice but it all depends on how you understand it and how sincere you are in seeking the truth.So there is no hurry ,take your time  and learn as much as u can about Islam and muslims.I think spending a couple of months here in this forum and discussing things with people here will give you  a picture and help you understand Islam.I can also understand the excitement that you are having and u will also see a lot of excitement around you which is good but again remember that Shahadah comes from heart.The purification process and growing of ones soul starts from there until the day we meet our LORD!So Shawn,id like to give u an imaginary hug hahahha and congratulate you!Salamun Alaikum!
 

27:93] And say, "Praise be to GOD; He will show you His proofs, until you recognize them. Your Lord is never unaware of anything you do."

[21:37] The human being is impatient by nature. I will inevitably show you My signs; do not be in such a hurry.

[40:77] You shall be patient, for GOD's promise is truth. Whether we show you some of (the retribution) we have promised for them, or terminate your life before that, they will be returned to us.

God is the Only

One Who Guides

[2:272] You are not responsible for guiding anyone. GOD is the only one who guides whoever chooses (to be guided). Any charity you give is for your own good. Any charity you give shall be for the sake of GOD. Any charity you give will be repaid to you, without the least injustice.

[5:16] With it, GOD guides those who seek His approval. He guides them to the paths of peace, leads them out of darkness into the light by His leave, and guides them in a straight path.

[6:77] When he saw the moon rising, he said, "Maybe this is my Lord!" When it disappeared, he said, "Unless my Lord guides me, I will be with the strayers."

[6:88] Such is GOD's guidance, with which He guides whomever He chooses from among His servants. Had any of them fallen into idolatry, their works would have been nullified.

[7:178] Whomever GOD guides is the truly guided one, and whomever He commits to straying, these are the losers.

God Guides the Believers

[10:9] As for those who believe and lead a righteous life, their Lord guides them, by virtue of their belief. Rivers will flow beneath them in the gardens of bliss.

[10:25] GOD invites to the abode of peace, and guides whomever He wills in a straight path.

[10:35] Say, "Does any of your idols guide to the truth?" Say, "GOD guides to the truth. Is one who guides to the truth more worthy of being followed, or one who does not guide, and needs guidance for himself? What is wrong with your judgment?"

[13:27] Those who disbelieve would say, "If only a miracle could come down to him from his Lord (we would believe)." Say, "GOD sends astray whomever He wills, and guides to Him only those who obey."

 

:)

ONE GOD ONE SOURCE OF LAW!
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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 10 March 2010 at 11:12am
Hey Hayfa,

We really don't know how his parents are. We don;t know how long he has been studying Islam. We can only go on what he has said.
Sure he can take shahada on Friday. But he needs to understand it is more than just a declaration. MOst reverts study some time before they become muslim, don;t they? That would be good for Shawn.
Having worked 24/7/365 with youngsters in my care and in my home I do know how mature they can or can't be. I have 3 kids too..they certainly were mature at 14. SO why would I think that Shawn at 14 is a kid? If anything, being open about this is acting very appropriately.
Sure, give him positive views, give him all views. That is being mature.
And how is my link correct and yet not correct? I didn't make up those conditions. And sure, something could happen to Shawn soon after shahada. I am not talking about him not being responsible for his actions at 14, far from it. BUt God will understand also if he takes his time to be REALLY sure about this.
And I have never understood WHY a person should keep their reversion secret from a parent or from anyone else.
It's great if Shawn has the courage and determination. BUt if he has any doubts about becoming muslim then he should wait a while.

   
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