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Family Matter
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Nobody_Nobody
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Quote Nobody_Nobody Replybullet Topic: Who is my husband?
    Posted: 17 October 2009 at 9:16am
Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.
 
I'm posting this, on behalf of a sister who is beside me while I'm typing this.
 
She is a new revert, alhamdulillah. But is now in a dilemna. Two years ago, she met a practising bro online, being new in the deen, she chatted with the bro about islam and till the day they realized that they are personally closer than just bro and sis. So one day, the bro, went in front of the web cam, [after asking her permission/proposing to her] with two other brothers [as witness] and he said that they are getting married -- and that's done. THEY GOT MARRIED.
 
But she being new, didn't took it seriously and thought that the bro was just joking. She lives in US, and he lives in Jordan. Then the brother in Jordan, or Bro J. started  introducing her to relatives and friends through webcam, even to his students when he tutors at home.
 
Then communication cut, after a month of that "marriage" and then, six months later, Bro J. came back. And so here comes the dilemna of the sister.
 
Coz the sister met another guy, a Muslim too... and they got married unislamic -- through a non-muslim civil wedding --- with an agreement that she will help him -from other country too - go to US.  But things went beyond just that agreement, and became personal... Both wanted it to be a real/genuine family-building marriage. Although the guy wanted their marriage to be officiated by an imam and do it islamically, they got married in a place where the sister knows no muslim. so to have the paper done, they did the civil wedding.
 
Question is: Who her legal husband is? Both men are still far from her, but she's working on the paper of the latter husband. And she is in a stage wherein trying to live the right way but because first hubby is claiming her now, that confuses her.
 
First hubby is a practising bro, and she said, at some point was supporting her financially back then. [the bro disappeared after the marriage, coz he was jailed thru allegations that was not proven and he's freed already.]
 
Should she decide to keep the latter hubby, does she have to ask for divorce from the first one, they are communicating again these days, and the bro is willing to take her back, despite the situation that she's into. He's adamant that she's his wife, although no legal papers can be presented. Also, he's willing to let her help through papers so that the latter hubby can go to the US. The bro in Jordan, is not interested to live in the US, instead he wants her to go to Jordan.
 
The latter hubby is adamant too that she is her wife, coz he has a paper as a proof.
 
Hope to get your ideas, and please do keep the sister in your duas, as she is in a struggle to live the right way, inshaAllah and is presented with this trial.
 
Jazakhallahu khayran.
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 18 October 2009 at 12:06pm
Asalaam Alikum,

Wow! Could not have imagined it.  I have no idea.. Well would some type of annulment happen if she never consummated the marriage??? I really could not begin to say..

My duas for the sister.
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 18 October 2009 at 12:50pm
Also was a dowry given and accepted by first husband?
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 20 October 2009 at 7:23am
Salam,
a marraige has to be done in public and this marraige is nothing but a kind of joke so just forget that mad person who says he is muslim but he is missguiding you.such marraige is called muta which is done by shia community which the majority of muslims has declared haram,it is not a sunni belief that you can marry in secret to satisfy your sexual desire.
 
That man wants to come to u.s maybe thats y he is doing that,sister it is not a marraige at any condition,just pray to allah that you get a god fearing husband who shal guide you properly towards islam,and also sister in islam tableeq to nonmehram is not allowed as u see the after effect you both fell in unnessary realation.so if you really interested in islam forget the men first find who is your lord and than think of marraige.hope allah give proper guidance to you.you cannot learn islam thru haram ways.
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Saladin
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Quote Saladin Replybullet Posted: 20 October 2009 at 7:24am
This is one for the scholars, you should consult a good one on this. As far as I know, nikah should be done with the bride and groom and 2 witnesses present in that place. One of the witnesses should be the woman's gaurdian, who'd step in for the woman in case theres any trouble in the marriage. (The gaurdian is important cuz in an Islamic state if a woman has none, its upon the caliph to be her gaurdian). And a mahr is agreed upon and gifted to the bride (also important unless the bride waives it).
 
IMO while the 2nd marriage is legally valid both marriages are Islamically invalid. I think the sister should instead ask herself if she needs any of them, especially that green card guy.
 
Islam made things easy and simple but we got this habit of complicating simple things and oversimplifying complex issues. Marriage in Islam is a strong pledge (Mithaqun Ghalithun), a pledge as strong as that made between Allah and the Prophets. Now thats some serious pledging, we cant joke around and make a mockery of God's Laws.
 
'Trust everyone but not the devil in them'
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 20 October 2009 at 8:49am
salam,
 
But she being new, didn't took it seriously and thought that the bro was just joking.
 
when she dint mean it then there is no contract so another point that there is no marraige.
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Akhe Abdullah
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Quote Akhe Abdullah Replybullet Posted: 20 October 2009 at 11:58am
Originally posted by fais

Salam,
a marraige has to be done in public and this marraige is nothing but a kind of joke so just forget that mad person who says he is muslim but he is missguiding you.such marraige is called muta which is done by shia community which the majority of muslims has declared haram,it is not a sunni belief that you can marry in secret to satisfy your sexual desire.

 

That man wants to come to u.s maybe thats y he is doing that,sister it is not a marraige at any condition,just pray to allah that you get a god fearing husband who shal guide you properly towards islam,and also sister in islam tableeq to nonmehram is not allowed as u see the after effect you both fell in unnessary realation.so if you really interested in islam forget the men first find who is your lord and than think of marraige.hope allah give proper guidance to you.you cannot learn islam thru haram ways.
Salams, Fais.I agree with you Also with Hayfa.No dowery,no compincation no marriage.Also I didnt read where the sister had a Walli.

Edited by Akhe Abdullah - 20 October 2009 at 12:00pm
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 20 October 2009 at 8:37pm
Not all women need a Wali:


Does a widowed woman need a Wali to remarry after her waiting period?
Answer Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.


Dear Julie, thanks for your question.

In fact, the issue of the wali in marriage should be understood within the frame of the objectives of the Shari`ah. The Shari`ah aims at protecting people's lives, honor, religion, property, and intellect.

Given the above, one can easily understand from Islam's insistence on the involvement of the wali in marriage that it aims at guaranteeing women's well-being and security. Though a divorcee' or a widow can marry without the involvement of her wali--as the Prophet stated in one of his hadiths—as long as the marriage contract meets the conditions of valid marriage , we do advise our sisters in Islam to try their best to keep good relations with their parents for they mostly care about their welfare and they have more experience in life.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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