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Message Icon Topic: Marraige proposal for a relegious girl Post Reply Post New Topic
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 11 October 2009 at 10:22pm

meaasge removed



Edited by fais - 24 November 2009 at 6:48am
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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 11 October 2009 at 10:56pm
Originally posted by fais

Salam,
Thanks for your replies,I do not disagree with sister martha,but the way she replied was really bad,the words yuuk and all is not good to use,
Less than a month ago you were dying because a women was rejecting you.  Amazing how quick you forget-do u think its good to use such words
may be i was trying to convince my self that i dont care she left me,but by such words from marta made me realise that she dumped me.
 
 
Salaams Faisal,
I am sorry you feel I replied in a bad way. But some words in the English vocabulary are not bad to use. SO perhaps it is just the way I used my words with you. And I was right to think you still love your ex wife.
 
martha may be a great person on this forum or anywhere but she dont have the right to put her opinion the way she did.i completely understand what she says,if i think i am prepared for a second marraige then i think its no harm,
 
Brother, as your older Chachi I thought my advice was good. Not all family members for example need to agree with you. And the way you replied to me was not in accordance to your culture...respectfully answer an older woman? If you feel you are ready for a 2nd marriage then that is up to you. But I am allowed to have an opinion on that.
 
and i know i cant find a life partner on internet or this forum,but wanted to get some good advises in better way,i do indulge myself in many activities but still her promises dont let me sleep so my cousin who is also an educated woman like you all advised me that i should marry as she thinks i am man who knows to do justice with all my relation and that quality of mine will keep me busy and i will be able to forget her and love my future wife.
 
Meiri bart sono. I was just trying to say that to marry quickly is not a good way to forget the love you have for someone else. Of course you will love someone else but that might not be quick to do. ANd to keep your relations happy is also good.
 
whatever martha wrote you all think she is right maybe cause she has a good image on this forum and the way you said we are with you as if she has been insulted badly,but nobody realise how rude she was.what beautiful comparisons she is giving,i cant write like martha but i am sure i will not hurt anyone by any act.
 
Brother..ki gale? What act have I done to hurt you. I did not think I was rude. I was upset but that is different. I am also an educated woman, which also means I am able to say things and not be subjected. Sister Full of Hopes is quite correct to suggest you ask in the masjids. Would it also not be better for you  your family to find you a wife back in India? This way you are also complying with your culture and religion.Then when your work contract is finished you can return there and marry? You have already had one bad experience with another woman out of your culture and she was family. It would be very sad to experience the same again and probably this time not with a family member.
(please answer in English. My urdu is limitedSmile and I would not like to misinterpret your words)
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 12 October 2009 at 12:22am
Salam,
 
Nice to see some urdu from you,you were rude and that has nothing to do with english language,it would be rude if you say that to me in urdu also,comparing with your ex husband and saying i am behaving like most of the muslim men is not good way of explaining.
 
i dont know how to reply you it will take a lot of time for me to write so just leave it,i never meant to disrespect you even though i am not aware of your age.
 
insha allah when i get time i will pm you.
 
so lets not discuss further.
Smile


Edited by fais - 12 October 2009 at 12:23am
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 24 November 2009 at 7:17am
salam sister
Full of hopes
 
I want you to remove all your comments  from this topic the way i did,there are a lot of personal comments which i dont want any other to see and have bad image of me,and one thing i would like to mention i am seriously looking for a life partner and not just looking for girls to make friends,i really felt offended by your comment.i am not doing timepass sister.only allah know my intentions you no right to judge.
 
i know we in the third world have a habbit of accepting whatever british or american say so dont just blindly support someone cause of her race or color or image or peoficiency in english.it was a very childish comment when you said to martha that you are with her and she is hundred percent right.
 
i have seen this in my last company where we had british and americans and how the arab girls use to respect them just beacuse they belong to those nations no matter how flirtatious they talk,and on the contrary we people from subcontinent were not even invited in the iftar party oraganised by the boss but saudi female manager use to give names for only arabi speaking reagrdless of their relegion.so arabi christians were better than indian muslims for a iftaar party organised for speacially muslims who fast.they use to feel so proud if they speak english like americans this is insane,why people put on unnessesary english accent when they are not native english speaker.english is just another language why people feel that they have become stylish or sophisticated if they speak good english.yuuk i have such nerds in my country also
 
plz grow up f.o.h,and connect deen and talk,dont just believe any one,marta said there should be a 'mourning period' for every realtion,tell me as a born muslim and native arabic speaker did you hear this as a hadith from our profet s.a.w,  'mourning period' is a true christian term not at all islamic,if you want i can give hundreds of example of many sahabas and relegious scholars who married ASAP after their wife died or they took divorce.
 
mourning is not allowed in islam as far as i know we muslims are suppose to observe on 3 days and after this everything should be normal.
 
i want a reply on this comment from martha as well as FOH
 
 


Edited by fais - 24 November 2009 at 7:31am
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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 24 November 2009 at 11:38am
Salams fais,

You have asked me to comment.Sigh.. SO I will do this for you.

I originally posted :-' I always think of the Prophet(pbuH). He did not rush into another marriage after the death of Khadijha..he was deeply in mourning.'

He mourned Khadija deeply. This is not un-Islamic to say, as many muslims say the same. So it is not right to be critical with my comment.

I did not say he passed a mourning period,you did in your previous post. This implies a set time. I did not imply a set time at all.

So, do you not understand that when she and Abu Bakr died it was called the Year of Sorrows?

There are plenty of Islamic references to the word 'mourn' if you look. ANd sources suggest the Prophet(pbuh) did not marry again for another 3 years, though some say it was not that long.

Now, I said about myself :- 'As for myself...I have been through a mourning period and still am in no hurry to re-marry.'

My period of sorrow(mourning) also did not have a set time and also I was not a widow. So, what I do and how I do it is personal to me. You must also remember that I am a revert of 6 years with no immediate assistance of learning. Unlike you who was taught from birth, but still doesn't know everything about Islam.

I am aware that a man should not continue to 'feel sorrow'(or mourn) no longer than a 3 day period after which he CAN marry again. It does not say he HAS to marry so quick. I also know of men that have waited years, like the Prophet(pbuh) before re-marrying. You saying ASAP to re-marry shows you have trouble controlling your urges.

A woman can 'feel sorrow' (or mourn) for 4 months and 10days. This is partly to establish whether she is pregnant or not before she re-marries. Why? SO the child knows who his real father is.

In fact, for both man and woman they are set periods, so it then becomes a mourning period, or as you say un-Islamic and is instead a Christian term. So do you wish to alter your comments instead of trying to infer I follow Christian traditions? It is misleading. And implies you yourself follow Christians.

F.O.H's can defend herself quite capably. However you suggest she agrees with me because I am white and BRitish. That is absurd. If she agrees with me it's because she feels the same.

You cannot blame either myself of F.O.H's for bad treatment by others towards you and those of your culture. ANd English is a world wide language. You yourself use it here. If you don't like English because it makes you feel 'different' then don't speak it.

You say in this thread there are 'lot of personal comments which i (you) don't want any other to see and have bad image of me (you).'

So, you have chosen to remove your comments with the hope that others see me and F'O'H's in a bad light. DOn't you think that is rather childish?

DO you think I care what others say/think about me? You have to give a good impression because you want to marry again. I understand your frustrations, but again your problems are not created by myself. SO...in a polite way to you brother, I will not remove my posts and join in this childish game.

And BTW...unlike you I am not childish enough to 'want a reply' on my comments. I have better things to do with my life.

BUt I am still mature enough to wish you success in finding a wife that deserves you.

Peace.
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 24 November 2009 at 9:56pm

I am aware that a man should not continue to 'feel sorrow'(or mourn) no longer than a 3 day period after which he CAN marry again. It does not say he HAS to marry so quick.

it all depends on person to person,if you feel you wanna do it and you need it you should do it,u said sexual urge ok i would say yes i wanna marry for that is it unislamic?,why you dont want to accept the fact that islam is relegion of fitrat,if a man feel he will go astray so he should marry asap so when i think i dont need your so called mourning period i am confident,mourning is unislamic and i will never accept it,give me an authentic hadith i will accept.you are not an alim to make your own opinion.and let me tell you dear mohammed s.a.w never forgot khadija R.a in his life infact all his other wives were jealous of khadija R.a so that does not mean S.A.W mourned for khadija R.a for the rest of his life.

 
the four months of iddat is for woman to know whose hamal is that cause a woman may put the responsibilty on her second husband to secure her childs future,you cannot by default say this is mourning period.and you wait if you really interested to know when i go to islamic class i will ask this to an alim.
 
do you know this when sahabas were going for jihad for a long long period they were allowed by our profet s.a.w to do a contract marraige,that means marry the woman in that place where they are on some contract and then when they are going eaither they can keep those wives or give them thier consideration and leave them.(note this was allowed for few years later on this was stopped)now tell me why this order came from allah to marry beacause islam does not ask you to torture your nafs,i am saying it that yes it is for sex beacause that is what you conclude this is a personal comment to remind you, i am fedup of your weared conepts,islam is more practical than you think. beidnillah i will comeback to you one day after my marraige to tell you that my wife is very happy with me.sorry to be personal you too british,its hard for you to digest everything in islam unless you clear your mind from your old relegion.i remeber how you defended the british agression and greed for clonies in the topic sucide bombers.
 
You saying ASAP to re-marry shows you have trouble controlling your urges.
yes i have trouble, a personal comment again but is it unislamic if not then you have no right to give a fatwa,if something is not said that does not mean you allowed to do whtever you want,and if you bring new things from your side it will be innovations which is called bidaa,now see bidaa comes like this only,you said some thing and there is no islamic sorce for it in hadith or quran and cause you believed something and practised someone else will follow and as man has the ability to ivolve you will see the next generation will believe it so firmly that there will be a period set for men and woman and will be called cumpulsory mouuuuuuuuuuuuuuurning period (Just an example).and just imagine the aftermath,men like me according to you who cant controll their sexual urge will do either zina or other bad thing so now that person who put this innovation in islam will bear the sin of those men woman who went astray.
 
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 24 November 2009 at 10:25pm
F.O.H's can defend herself quite capably. However you suggest she agrees with me because I am white and BRitish. That is absurd. If she agrees with me it's because she feels the same.

by just following someone blindly and than making a bad opinion is not defending.you never feel this but  me as an asian i feel this in everyday of life,i am not saying this cause arabs treat us badly (i am least bothered)but i want to highlight how foolish they are to believe that if they speak like americans or british they become stylish,and as usual you misunderstand me,i never said i have a problem with a race or a language,i believe having different race and languages is the plan of allah and we go aginst any language or make fun of any you make fun of allahs plan,no language in this world is bad.
 
it is general psychy of we asians to accept a brits opinion even if you feel you have different opinion.i dint mean FOH is like those arabs she is nice person and i m sure she wont be rude to any just because he or she belongs to the subcontinent.i mean to say we have a habit of accepting the whites as the best and more intelectual.
 
no offence its just a discussion we are friends and brother sisters again.
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 24 November 2009 at 10:43pm
So, you have chosen to remove your comments with the hope that others see me and F'O'H's in a bad light. DOn't you think that is rather childish?
your deen with you.it was just a request,if someone has a bad opinion of someone it is not polite and islamic to make it public.if you really mean to convey the message to me i have recieved it but now you want the whole world to read it is not right.see this is where u lack,you just know black and white in islam that is haram and halal ,you cant understand the deeper meaning of islam,i am not blaming you but think on this it will help you to be a good muslim.
 
example not keeping a beard is not mentioned haram anywhere but it is laso mentioned that it is as good as putting a razor on mohammed s.a.w heart so the alims of all the sects are of one opinion now that it is haram to shave.i pray you get the deeper meaning of what i want to say.
 
anyways
 
salam to all
and wish you very happy eid
eid mubaraq 
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