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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 19 November 2009 at 6:04am
Salams Saima,
I hope you feel relaxed now you have made your decision. It was wise to tell some family members as they will have met him and know more about him than us here.
But you will move on from here and Allah knows best and will find you a good husband when it is the right time. Remember that sometimes we experience some negative things in life to then make the way possible for the positive.
And when of course Allah finds that special someone for you we ALL want to hear about it. All the very best.:)
xx
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saima100
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Quote saima100 Replybullet Posted: 19 November 2009 at 8:33am
Thanks for your answer.All i can say is that i dont feel guilty nor do i feel sad.I only feel relieved as if he had not said this himself i would have always wondered what is wrong between us.But i pity him and i feel very very sorry or him.I start crying when i think of his situation.I have never seen someone is so much pain and someone who hates himself so much.Never have i seen anyone in so much self disgust and never have i seen anyone who has not been able to accept himself to this extent.He is perfectionist to the level which is unbelievable.He is so hard towards his own self that one can only feel pity for such a person.He is willing to do literally anything to have someone in his life and to have children.I remember him saying ''inshallah'' atleast twice in every sentence and saying again and again that Allah cant be so cruel.Everything is going to be ok for us in future. It all reminds me of so many others around me who are in my family or friends.How mean at heart they are and still they have everything.I really dont understand how could God be so unfair to him.Why doesnt he help him.I dont think he would contact me after i leave him.As his ex wife tried to remain in touch with him but he didnt want her to contact him atall.But she at times still does send him sms to support him.May God give me strength to hurt this person.
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Pati
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Quote Pati Replybullet Posted: 20 November 2009 at 5:32pm
Originally posted by saima100

Thanks for your answer.All i can say is that i dont feel guilty nor do i feel sad.I only feel relieved as if he had not said this himself i would have always wondered what is wrong between us.But i pity him and i feel very very sorry or him.I start crying when i think of his situation.I have never seen someone is so much pain and someone who hates himself so much.Never have i seen anyone in so much self disgust and never have i seen anyone who has not been able to accept himself to this extent.He is perfectionist to the level which is unbelievable.He is so hard towards his own self that one can only feel pity for such a person.He is willing to do literally anything to have someone in his life and to have children.I remember him saying ''inshallah'' atleast twice in every sentence and saying again and again that Allah cant be so cruel.Everything is going to be ok for us in future. It all reminds me of so many others around me who are in my family or friends.How mean at heart they are and still they have everything.I really dont understand how could God be so unfair to him.Why doesnt he help him.I dont think he would contact me after i leave him.As his ex wife tried to remain in touch with him but he didnt want her to contact him atall.But she at times still does send him sms to support him.May God give me strength to hurt this person.
Excuse me, but God is not UNFAIR, only human being we are.
 
God knows the best, and knows what we need, but sometimes, we are not able to understand him. If I were you, I would try to point the situation at men, not at God. God didn't do anything, it was your boyfriend who did everythin, who cheated his ex-wife and tried to cheat you, because he is not confused but hiding himself. Is God guilty for that? Sorry, but I cannot see God in that story you have been explaining to us. I can see human feelings, human sins, and I can say that this things happens daily in this world, but... where is God?
 
If we were thinking about God in every moment of this life, and about what He told us to do or to avoid, and we followed His teachings (doesn't matter which religion), this World would be almost perfect. The problem is that we are so far away from God, even if we read Qu'ran or Bible, we are not able to understand, even if we prayed daily thousand times, we don't feel it, we just do it. We don't feel God, we are so selfish...
 
So please, don't blame God like if He did anything bad to your boyfriend. I am sure that God tried to help him thousand times, and actually I am sure that you came to his life as a chance for him, but obviously he didn't understand the message.
 
Regards
Patricia
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 21 November 2009 at 2:33am
Originally posted by Pati

Originally posted by saima100

Thanks for your answer.All i can say is that i dont feel guilty nor do i feel sad.I only feel relieved as if he had not said this himself i would have always wondered what is wrong between us.But i pity him and i feel very very sorry or him.I start crying when i think of his situation.I have never seen someone is so much pain and someone who hates himself so much.Never have i seen anyone in so much self disgust and never have i seen anyone who has not been able to accept himself to this extent.He is perfectionist to the level which is unbelievable.He is so hard towards his own self that one can only feel pity for such a person.He is willing to do literally anything to have someone in his life and to have children.I remember him saying ''inshallah'' atleast twice in every sentence and saying again and again that Allah cant be so cruel.Everything is going to be ok for us in future. It all reminds me of so many others around me who are in my family or friends.How mean at heart they are and still they have everything.I really dont understand how could God be so unfair to him.Why doesnt he help him.I dont think he would contact me after i leave him.As his ex wife tried to remain in touch with him but he didnt want her to contact him atall.But she at times still does send him sms to support him.May God give me strength to hurt this person.


Excuse me, but God is not UNFAIR, only human being we are.

God knows the best, and knows what we need, but sometimes, we are not able to understand him. If I were you, I would try to point the situation at men, not at God. God didn't do anything, it was your boyfriend who did everythin, who cheated his ex-wife and tried to cheat you, because he is not confused but hiding himself. Is God guilty for that? Sorry, but I cannot see God in that story you have been explaining to us. I can see human feelings, human sins, and I can say that this things happens daily in this world, but... where is God?


If we were thinking about God in every moment of this life, and about what He told us to do or to avoid, and we followed His teachings (doesn't matter which religion), this World would be almost perfect. The problem is that we are so far away from God, even if we read Qu'ran or Bible, we are not able to understand, even if we prayed daily thousand times, we don't feel it, we just do it. We don't feel God, we are so selfish...


So please, don't blame God like if He did anything bad to your boyfriend. I am sure that God tried to help him thousand times, and actually I am sure that you came to his life as a chance for him, but obviously he didn't understand the message.


Regards

Patricia


Yes Pati, you are exactly right. As humans we blame everyone for our faults including Allah sometimes. Saima's boyfriend has become so wrapped up in his self doubts that he also tries to bring others down to his level perhaps, to ease his feelings of shame and desperation.

We can only hope and pray that he puts complete trust in Allah to enable him to seek help from the right people instead of expecting others to make his life right for him.

It is sad and I am sure we have all seen people like him.

Saima, you are not alone with feeling the way you do. People come into our life so we learn. Do not try to hate him, just feel sadness for him but now move on. DO not be like his ex-wife who still tries to assist him. Until he looks into his own heart without making excuses no-one can help him. In no way are you to blame. Try to remember that.
some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 22 November 2009 at 12:29am

Salam,

sorry if someone has read my post,i dint know the story and didnt know that you have decided to quit,i m sorry for my last post,may you both get the best in this world and hereafter.
 
i have removed my last post as i dint read the whole story
 
Regards


Edited by fais - 22 November 2009 at 5:01am
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saima100
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Quote saima100 Replybullet Posted: 23 November 2009 at 8:56am
Asslam o alaikum its me again.I know what i wrote was in extreme tension and was wrong.Sorry for that.
   What im thinking nowadays is that i will ring his eks wife and also discuss again all this in detail with him.What im thinking is that if he is not engaged in any sort of practical wrong thing then im going to marry him.As anyway mostly husbands are not nice in one or the other way and he atleast is a nice person.But if i find he is practicing gay then i will leave him.I seriously doubt he is practicing as he inspite of living in european country fasts regularly and i have always heard him talk like a really religious person.
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 23 November 2009 at 10:00pm

Salam,

Sister saima,

may allah guide you in this difficult time,i know its hard for a woman to choose a second man in his life,let me tell you few things,

  1. feeling gay or being gay is a phsycological disorder,i hate to use this word for homosexulity as this once used for being happy.anways this can be cured compltely if the person wish to strongly and in your fiance case he is willing to.
  2. so if you really wanna do something good take this as a challenge that you gonna give a man his identity.by the grace of allah.
  3. a man is called a man beacause there is a woman in his life,so you can make him feel that he is a man,now this depends on you how you use your womanhood,sorry if i use any wrong word.this can only happen after marraige.
  4. I he is a practising homo than think of it ten times before marrying him,he is really mad to think like he is a gay,the feeling which does not exist in real,that this is not we are made for,u need to brainwash him positively.even if you not marrying.explain him that there is death penalty for the men who are involoved in this relation in islam.
  5. do for the sake of allah,help him to get out of this feeling,dont use this word gay directly to him,tell him inderectly that this is haram.

hope this helpes,just keep praying istekhara every night insha allah will help you.last thing can u tell me which culture you originally belong to and him also.

if you need any help like an opinion of a man or how we men think,just feel free to send me the question,i will try my best. 
 
recite
 
11 times durusharif
 
11 times Ya badi ul ajaibi. bil khairi ya badiu.
 
11 times durusharif
 
Sister i need your dua too,just pray that i a get very good wife in my life who will fill my life with happiness.
 

 

 
 
Regards
faisal
 


Edited by fais - 23 November 2009 at 10:18pm
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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 24 November 2009 at 1:53am
Salams Sister,
You have to decide what is best for you. But please be careful. I am not convinced you would be right to contact his ex-wife. I do not think to start with she would want to discuss this matter with you. BUt you have to act on how you feel, so I am just giving you my opinion.

You have already experienced difficulties with this man BEFORE marriage. It is not a good way to start a marriage. I am wondering, are your family pressing you to marry him? Or is it because you think you can change him?
Or is he putting pressure on you?

Only you can judge your circumstances. BUt let us know how things go.
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