Dear Saima,

I think that the only person who can help you both is a psycologist. I know that homosexuality is not allowed in Islam, so in case that is his problem, none from your environment will be able to help you (I think).

Maybe he is just afraid from women after his failed marriage, or maybe he is really gay (sorry, but that exists, and unfortunately the quantity of them has raised too much in Western countries).

He started being open with you, but what he told you is an advise for future, dear: if he is really gay, your marriage most probably will not work, because he will go on looking for what he feels he needs (I hope I am not being to much harsh).

I don't know when are you going to get married, but really, I think you should delay the wedding and finding the real relationship you both have and you both want. With this comment, he just started showing himself, so you have to go on knowing him as deep as you can do, and don't think that if he was not in love with you, he would fall just because he told you that he may be gay... dear, if that is the problem, in your culture, the only thing he shaw on you was the chance to be opened with you, it's only that, and when you are keeping such a secret and you find someone able to keep it with you and share the weigh, you sure wound be happy to do.

I am scared from this comment, that may not have importance, or may change your life, Saima, and as I started this answer, I don't think we can help you here, we can tell you what we think we would do, but he is confused with something very important and I think you cannot help on that, he should discover himself his real feelings and his real needs.

All the best,
Patricia

Thanks for you answers.The problem here is that he himself is either unsure or he knows and wants to get married as he himself has extreme wish to have children.Either way im at loss as if he knows he is gay there never will be a proper marriage and if he is unsure then he could end either way.And i doubt he is unsure at 33 after 4 years of marriage.And secondly i just read my post which is dificient.What i forgot to write was that when i asked him again ''are you gay''to this qs he did not say no once.He said twice''i already told you''And he also referred in answer to his same friend whom he had mentioned as something really harmless in the past.He said''i told you about my friend x''To this i said but you said he is just a friend.To this he said''what sort of boys give each other messages''i said i dont know maybe they do.And to this he said''we do it even in resaturants and in public places''And after this conversation of his we have talked twice and both times he was relaxed and did not have the need to please me either.He is acting totally normal where he is telling his likes and dislikes without thinking that i would be unhappy with him.And reason is obvious he has nothing to hide anymore.I remember that in his first conversations he said that he wanted to marry someone who was divorced and not a very young woman either.I said that this is so unusuall.Why is it so.To this his answer was that i want a mature woman who has seen problems of life and can understand that life is not all fun.This i liked alot about him and thought he is quite mature.But now i understand that the reason behind marrying a divorced woman and one who i older like me is that then she wont have the possibility to leave him.And he assured before saying yes to me that i immediately wanted kids after marriage.As he said ''then women stop thinking about husband and his faults''This too i took quite in another sense at the time.I though he was insecure.Now it all fits.He wanted a woman who was divorced and could not have the courage to take a divorce the second time.Who due to her old age could not leave him.Who due to children could not leave him.So he assured a person who had no choice due to her divorce,her old age and due to the fact that she soon got children.And if she ever did find out after a few years that he was gay she could not do anything about it.I am at the moment still talking with him.But i have told some in my family and i already have come to a decision.Im not going to marry him.But all i can say is that this is the shock of my life.All life i have believed that if i get a nice person everything will be perfect and there would be no problems.I could never imagine that i could get into such a situation.I have always thought i am quite wise and people cannot deceive me.And i felt whatever he said was true as what he said was true but reasons behind were totally different.After this i feel i should try marrying someone with obvious faults.Pray for me.thanks again for the answers.

Salams Saima,
I hope you feel relaxed now you have made your decision. It was wise to tell some family members as they will have met him and know more about him than us here.
But you will move on from here and Allah knows best and will find you a good husband when it is the right time. Remember that sometimes we experience some negative things in life to then make the way possible for the positive.
And when of course Allah finds that special someone for you we ALL want to hear about it. All the very best.:)
xx

Excuse me, but God is not UNFAIR, only human being we are.