IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum: what to do when husband leaves me

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martha

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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 12:36am

Originally posted by Hayfa

Asaalam ALaikum,

It is not about someone being a revert or not. This has happened to people who are not reverts.. There are bad eggs all over..

Yes, absolutely right. Lol, but I thought we had moved on to reverts

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

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Full of Hopes
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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 3:44am

I was just saying that the revert are very good people. I did not mean to say they are easy to be cheated or they are weak. I am sorry if my language was not clear.

And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)

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fais

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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 10:09pm

Salam sister fatima,

what i mean to say is if there are men who marry citizen women to have a stable life and those women also need something from that man,i mean they come close to eachother for some kind of security,men need a better residence status and women need a secured life where she can feel that she is having a family,a spouse makes a person complete.its no harm if the intentions are good,but yes you should be very sure that you really wanna do this as there is big cultural difference.

Regards

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sincere
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Posted: 19 October 2009 at 9:52am

Assalaam Alaikum,

It turns out that my husband married this other woman without my knowledge and things are bad. He demands that I accept her and welcome her with no problem, when I didn't agree with his marrying her in the first place.

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anderson
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Posted: 19 October 2009 at 3:41pm

If anyone can please help me answer this important question: how do I determine if I am already divorced or not?

When my husband left, he said it clearly and without doubt that he does not want to be married anymore. So do I automatically go into the iddat period (which are 3 menstrual cycles). When the 3 cycles come around, does this mean I am automatically divorced under first talak? I have tried to contact the imam at the mosque but no one wants to answer me. I have also tried to ask my husband to approach the islamic centre together with me to determine our status but he refused to co-operate. I am now left in the lurch not knowing what is my marital status. I went on the net and I saw a muslim blog that says you cannot be automatically divorced without an arbitration or final word from the judge. Is that true?

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martha

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Posted: 19 October 2009 at 9:10pm

Originally posted by sincere

Assalaam Alaikum,

Walaikum assalaam,

Can he marry another women in the US? I don't know. Certianly here another wife is not legally accepted.

Have you spoken with your local imam about this? I would suggest this would be a good way forward, and the imam could speak with your husband to find out what is going on.

As he can't financially support you both either, and the situation is bad, maybe you should see a lawyer? Maybe they can help?

If you don't want to accept her then you don't have to. It is wrong for him to tell you after he has married her. Islamicly that is the wrong way to go about things. As such I guess he doesn't need your permision to marry another, but he should have told you beforehand .

What do you want to do sister? Do you want to remain married to him?

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

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martha

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Posted: 19 October 2009 at 9:18pm

Originally posted by anderson

If anyone can please help me answer this important question: how do I determine if I am already divorced or not?

I went on the net and I saw a muslim blog that says you cannot be automatically divorced without an arbitration or final word from the judge. Is that true?

Assalaam alaikum sister,

I think talaq depends where abouts you live. I say that because in some places saying talaq 3 times seems to be enough .

In the UK however talaq must be done with paperwork and a muslim council for talaq to take effect. For this reason I have been unable to do khula as I cannot pay the fees

SOunds ridiculous doesn't it.

So I am unable to answer your question. Hopefully someone here might be able to set you straight.

How are you coping now? IS the situation still bad financially? It seems muslims still don't seem to be listening or helping you in your area. Where do you live sister? I am sure someone here might at least live in the same country as you and be able to contact another person more local to you.

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

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fais

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Posted: 19 October 2009 at 10:03pm

Salam,

sister i think your husband has to say talaq than only it is accepted as talaq,in my case in saudi i filed for talaq so my brother told me that if i give talaq to her directly the procedure becomes faster as there is no hearing and you dont have to meet kazi who will try to explain that it is not good to give talaq,so now i said talaq to her thru her brother so talaq is done only the paper work is left.hope this helps

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Topic: what to do when husband leaves me
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Author	Message
martha Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1141	Posted: 13 October 2009 at 12:36am
	*Originally posted by Hayfa* Asaalam ALaikum, It is not about someone being a revert or not. This has happened to people who are not reverts.. There are bad eggs all over.. Yes, absolutely right. Lol, but I thought we had moved on to reverts
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
	IP Logged

Full of Hopes Female Islam Senior Member Joined: 06 August 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 860	Posted: 13 October 2009 at 3:44am
	I was just saying that the revert are very good people. I did not mean to say they are easy to be cheated or they are weak. I am sorry if my language was not clear.
	And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
	IP Logged

fais Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Online Status: Offline Posts: 281	Posted: 13 October 2009 at 10:09pm
	Salam sister fatima, what i mean to say is if there are men who marry citizen women to have a stable life and those women also need something from that man,i mean they come close to eachother for some kind of security,men need a better residence status and women need a secured life where she can feel that she is having a family,a spouse makes a person complete.its no harm if the intentions are good,but yes you should be very sure that you really wanna do this as there is big cultural difference. Regards
	IP Logged

sincere Female Islam Starter Joined: 06 October 2009 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 2	Posted: 19 October 2009 at 9:52am
	Assalaam Alaikum, It turns out that my husband married this other woman without my knowledge and things are bad. He demands that I accept her and welcome her with no problem, when I didn't agree with his marrying her in the first place.
	IP Logged

anderson Female Islam Newbie Joined: 26 September 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 10	Posted: 19 October 2009 at 3:41pm
	If anyone can please help me answer this important question: how do I determine if I am already divorced or not? When my husband left, he said it clearly and without doubt that he does not want to be married anymore. So do I automatically go into the iddat period (which are 3 menstrual cycles). When the 3 cycles come around, does this mean I am automatically divorced under first talak? I have tried to contact the imam at the mosque but no one wants to answer me. I have also tried to ask my husband to approach the islamic centre together with me to determine our status but he refused to co-operate. I am now left in the lurch not knowing what is my marital status. I went on the net and I saw a muslim blog that says you cannot be automatically divorced without an arbitration or final word from the judge. Is that true?
	IP Logged

martha Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1141	Posted: 19 October 2009 at 9:10pm
	*Originally posted by sincere* Assalaam Alaikum, It turns out that my husband married this other woman without my knowledge and things are bad. He demands that I accept her and welcome her with no problem, when I didn't agree with his marrying her in the first place. Walaikum assalaam, Can he marry another women in the US? I don't know. Certianly here another wife is not legally accepted. Have you spoken with your local imam about this? I would suggest this would be a good way forward, and the imam could speak with your husband to find out what is going on. As he can't financially support you both either, and the situation is bad, maybe you should see a lawyer? Maybe they can help? If you don't want to accept her then you don't have to. It is wrong for him to tell you after he has married her. Islamicly that is the wrong way to go about things. As such I guess he doesn't need your permision to marry another, but he should have told you beforehand . What do you want to do sister? Do you want to remain married to him?
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
	IP Logged

martha Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1141	Posted: 19 October 2009 at 9:18pm
	*Originally posted by anderson* If anyone can please help me answer this important question: how do I determine if I am already divorced or not? I went on the net and I saw a muslim blog that says you cannot be automatically divorced without an arbitration or final word from the judge. Is that true? Assalaam alaikum sister, I think talaq depends where abouts you live. I say that because in some places saying talaq 3 times seems to be enough . In the UK however talaq must be done with paperwork and a muslim council for talaq to take effect. For this reason I have been unable to do khula as I cannot pay the fees SOunds ridiculous doesn't it. So I am unable to answer your question. Hopefully someone here might be able to set you straight. How are you coping now? IS the situation still bad financially? It seems muslims still don't seem to be listening or helping you in your area. Where do you live sister? I am sure someone here might at least live in the same country as you and be able to contact another person more local to you.
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
	IP Logged

fais Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Online Status: Offline Posts: 281	Posted: 19 October 2009 at 10:03pm
	Salam, sister i think your husband has to say talaq than only it is accepted as talaq,in my case in saudi i filed for talaq so my brother told me that if i give talaq to her directly the procedure becomes faster as there is no hearing and you dont have to meet kazi who will try to explain that it is not good to give talaq,so now i said talaq to her thru her brother so talaq is done only the paper work is left.hope this helps
	IP Logged