IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum: what to do when husband leaves me

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fais

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Posted: 07 October 2009 at 7:13am

hi,

ak_m_f

Please no personal attack on any community,there are good an bad people every where so dont point on the whole community or race for few bad people,you dont have the true islam in you i think,so learn deen and then comment plz leave the forum.

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martha

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Posted: 07 October 2009 at 12:04pm

Originally posted by Hayfa

No, I am not gonna leave this place, no matter how hard it is. I won't go home to my country. My husband mocked me before he left about how helpless and vulnerable I am and that I cannot survive on my own here without him. He told me to go home .He asked, "who is gonna help you?" The first words that came out from me was, "Allah will help me." He laughed, then got angry and said I was naive to believe life works just like that. I will prove him wrong. I will trust in Allah to help me and I WILL rise again and go on with my life as best as I could, and I won't go home. This is a challenge I have to take.

I just wanted to point this out.. he laughed / mocked for one's belief /faith in Allah... WOW.. shows just how ignorant even Muslims are. And does he have no fear! Wow..
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, some muslims are really ignorant. My skanky ex husband said to me he didn't care if I was muslim or not, lol. that is a real insult to a revert...it was like a smack in the face. ANd proves it wasn't a muslim wife he wanted at all...well not here at least, hehe. He had no fear of anything other than losing his legal status. Phew...I am SO well out of it. Thank goodness I can laugh about it now. BUt it has left me SO doubting men, lol. SOmeone please tell me I shall recover from this current feeling.

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

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abuayisha

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Posted: 07 October 2009 at 1:58pm

Your husband is unable to financially support two wives, and it is not legal to have two wives, so hold your ground and don't accept it. Let him divorce you or seek a khula' based upon support if he goes through with this marriage. Enlist the help of responsible individuals in the community to assist you, and to stop him from wooing the other woman. It is likely an infatuation and he is not thinking carefully. Now is the time to protest loud and clear. Don't give in to nonsense about "helping" the sister. There are plenty of single men to "help" her. Encourage the community to help her with whatever financial and emotional needs she may have until a suitable person is found for her to marry. Be strong for your kids. Try to control your emotions as to not appear wounded. I often wish we had Omar (ra) around these days with his whip for these irresponsible men.

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martha

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Posted: 07 October 2009 at 3:24pm

Originally posted by sincere

Assalaam Alaikum

I am dealing with a situation in my marriage were my husband is taking responsibility for another woman. He has not married her but is convinced that he is correct to spend his time and efforts with her. He is considering marrying her but feels that he is not out of line because it is a "lesser form of right" because he is intending to do something good in Islam.

I don't know what to do. We have children and he really can not afford to take on this responsibility but he is pretty much insisting that I accept her or our marriage will end.

Salaams Sister SIncere,

Sorry, I did not see this before.

I am sorry you are going through this.

If your husband really wanted to do something good in Islam then he most definately would not be spending time with her as he is right now. This is just an excuse from him. He is not following correctly.He shouldnot be spending time and money on her like this. As Brother Abuayisha has said your husband is probably infatuated with her and she is possibly using him also. Also your husband cannot afford to have 2 wives so it would not be appropriate to do so. It sounds to me as if they meet in secret also. So how can that be right?

Be patient with your husband but decide if you want to share him. As explained, you don't have to. And I am not sure your husband wants to lose you and the children which is a possibility.

Is it possible that you and your husband and children can go away for a break for a few days...to family maybe? Then perhaps he will be able to think more clearly. And try to talk to him more about this.

I do hope you and he can resolve this quickly.

Edited by martha - 07 October 2009 at 3:25pm

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

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Hayfa
Female Islam
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Posted: 08 October 2009 at 4:18am

Salaams,

Good advice to Sisteer Sincere.. I know a Brother who wanted two wives. But I tell you, he did everything exactly right. So it can be done as it should be.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

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ak_m_f

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Posted: 09 October 2009 at 4:04pm

Originally posted by fais

plz leave the forum.

learn to accept difference of opinion, maybe this is why your wife left you?

Edited by ak_m_f - 09 October 2009 at 4:04pm

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Full of Hopes
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Posted: 09 October 2009 at 11:25pm

Originally posted by ak_m_f

where do you live now? was ur husband arab?

Lot of Arabs here in Canada are womanizers. I think its integrated into their culture to oppress woman and make her vulnerable.

Before Islam came they used to bury girls alive.

Asslamu Alaikum brother, this is not an Islamic way to discuss an issue. Men of all nations like the girls and follow them. I will not provide examples just want you not to be narrow in thinking. Yeh Arabs used to bury them alive but look at the woman today in many nations. She is also buried alive in countries which are not of Arabs. This takes pages to discuss.

Let me ask you brother, does this fact answers or helps the sister?
Even reminding brother fais of his wife is another wrong way to win the argument. I am sorry to say that. We win by telling others the truth not by going around in circles.

My brother I believe we all ,me ,you and all of them, need to follow the hadith:

"Whosoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should say good or remain silent."

I advise myself before you. We all are human beings.
May Allah be pleased.
Salam

Edited by Full of Hopes - 10 October 2009 at 12:08am

And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)

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ak_m_f

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Posted: 12 October 2009 at 12:51am

Originally posted by Full of Hopes

this is not an Islamic way to discuss an issue. Men of all nations like the girls and follow them.

The traditional way to handle the problem is to brush it under the rug so that the "integrity" of brother remains intact while sister goes through hell.

Muslim men usually who are from 3rd world country( ie Arab,Pakistan,India) with no legal status here, try to marry Canadian woman here so they can get citizenship.

These men are very backward in thinking and are control freaks. They are also insecure because Canadian woman are educated, professional and know the language.

This is why they impose ridiculous restrictions on them in name of "Islam". Reverts got no one to ask for advice and are held in dark, while these so called husbands pick "virgin" brides back home for their next wedding.

Moment they get what they want, they ditch them and leave.

I am posting this so reverts, esp woman reverts would know that just because someone is muslim, doesn't means that he is a saint.

Edited by ak_m_f - 12 October 2009 at 12:51am

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Topic: what to do when husband leaves me
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Author	Message
fais Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Online Status: Offline Posts: 281	Posted: 07 October 2009 at 7:13am
	hi, to ak_m_f Please no personal attack on any community,there are good an bad people every where so dont point on the whole community or race for few bad people,you dont have the true islam in you i think,so learn deen and then comment plz leave the forum.
	IP Logged

martha Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1141	Posted: 07 October 2009 at 12:04pm
	*Originally posted by Hayfa* No, I am not gonna leave this place, no matter how hard it is. I won't go home to my country. My husband mocked me before he left about how helpless and vulnerable I am and that I cannot survive on my own here without him. He told me to go home .He asked, "who is gonna help you?" The first words that came out from me was, "Allah will help me." He laughed, then got angry and said I was naive to believe life works just like that. I will prove him wrong. I will trust in Allah to help me and I WILL rise again and go on with my life as best as I could, and I won't go home. This is a challenge I have to take. I just wanted to point this out.. he laughed / mocked for one's belief /faith in Allah... WOW.. shows just how ignorant even Muslims are. And does he have no fear! Wow.. [/QUOTE] Yeah, some muslims are really ignorant. My skanky ex husband said to me he didn't care if I was muslim or not, lol. that is a real insult to a revert...it was like a smack in the face. ANd proves it wasn't a muslim wife he wanted at all...well not here at least, hehe. He had no fear of anything other than losing his legal status. Phew...I am SO well out of it. Thank goodness I can laugh about it now. BUt it has left me SO doubting men, lol. SOmeone please tell me I shall recover from this current feeling.
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
	IP Logged

abuayisha Senior Member Joined: 05 October 1999 Online Status: Offline Posts: 3992	Posted: 07 October 2009 at 1:58pm
	Your husband is unable to financially support two wives, and it is not legal to have two wives, so hold your ground and don't accept it. Let him divorce you or seek a khula' based upon support if he goes through with this marriage. Enlist the help of responsible individuals in the community to assist you, and to stop him from wooing the other woman. It is likely an infatuation and he is not thinking carefully. Now is the time to protest loud and clear. Don't give in to nonsense about "helping" the sister. There are plenty of single men to "help" her. Encourage the community to help her with whatever financial and emotional needs she may have until a suitable person is found for her to marry. Be strong for your kids. Try to control your emotions as to not appear wounded. I often wish we had Omar (ra) around these days with his whip for these irresponsible men.
	IP Logged

martha Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1141	Posted: 07 October 2009 at 3:24pm
	*Originally posted by sincere* Assalaam Alaikum I am dealing with a situation in my marriage were my husband is taking responsibility for another woman. He has not married her but is convinced that he is correct to spend his time and efforts with her. He is considering marrying her but feels that he is not out of line because it is a "lesser form of right" because he is intending to do something good in Islam. I don't know what to do. We have children and he really can not afford to take on this responsibility but he is pretty much insisting that I accept her or our marriage will end. Salaams Sister SIncere, Sorry, I did not see this before. I am sorry you are going through this. If your husband really wanted to do something good in Islam then he most definately would not be spending time with her as he is right now. This is just an excuse from him. He is not following correctly.He shouldnot be spending time and money on her like this. As Brother Abuayisha has said your husband is probably infatuated with her and she is possibly using him also. Also your husband cannot afford to have 2 wives so it would not be appropriate to do so. It sounds to me as if they meet in secret also. So how can that be right? Be patient with your husband but decide if you want to share him. As explained, you don't have to. And I am not sure your husband wants to lose you and the children which is a possibility. Is it possible that you and your husband and children can go away for a break for a few days...to family maybe? Then perhaps he will be able to think more clearly. And try to talk to him more about this. I do hope you and he can resolve this quickly. Edited by martha - 07 October 2009 at 3:25pm
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
	IP Logged

Hayfa Female Islam Senior Member Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 2370	Posted: 08 October 2009 at 4:18am
	Salaams, Good advice to Sisteer Sincere.. I know a Brother who wanted two wives. But I tell you, he did everything exactly right. So it can be done as it should be.
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
	IP Logged

ak_m_f Senior Member Joined: 15 October 2005 Location: Canada Online Status: Offline Posts: 3274	Posted: 09 October 2009 at 4:04pm
	*Originally posted by fais* plz leave the forum. learn to accept difference of opinion, maybe this is why your wife left you? Edited by ak_m_f - 09 October 2009 at 4:04pm
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Full of Hopes Female Islam Senior Member Joined: 06 August 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 860	Posted: 09 October 2009 at 11:25pm
	*Originally posted by ak_m_f* where do you live now? was ur husband arab? Lot of Arabs here in Canada are womanizers. I think its integrated into their culture to oppress woman and make her vulnerable. Before Islam came they used to bury girls alive. Asslamu Alaikum brother, this is not an Islamic way to discuss an issue. Men of all nations like the girls and follow them. I will not provide examples just want you not to be narrow in thinking. Yeh Arabs used to bury them alive but look at the woman today in many nations. She is also buried alive in countries which are not of Arabs. This takes pages to discuss. Let me ask you brother, does this fact answers or helps the sister? Even reminding brother fais of his wife is another wrong way to win the argument. I am sorry to say that. We win by telling others the truth not by going around in circles. My brother I believe we all ,me ,you and all of them, need to follow the hadith: "Whosoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should say good or remain silent." I advise myself before you. We all are human beings. May Allah be pleased. Salam Edited by Full of Hopes - 10 October 2009 at 12:08am
	And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
	IP Logged

ak_m_f Senior Member Joined: 15 October 2005 Location: Canada Online Status: Offline Posts: 3274	Posted: 12 October 2009 at 12:51am
	*Originally posted by Full of Hopes* this is not an Islamic way to discuss an issue. Men of all nations like the girls and follow them. The traditional way to handle the problem is to brush it under the rug so that the "integrity" of brother remains intact while sister goes through hell. Muslim men usually who are from 3rd world country( ie Arab,Pakistan,India) with no legal status here, try to marry Canadian woman here so they can get citizenship. These men are very backward in thinking and are control freaks. They are also insecure because Canadian woman are educated, professional and know the language. This is why they impose ridiculous restrictions on them in name of "Islam". Reverts got no one to ask for advice and are held in dark, while these so called husbands pick "virgin" brides back home for their next wedding. Moment they get what they want, they ditch them and leave. I am posting this so reverts, esp woman reverts would know that just because someone is muslim, doesn't means that he is a saint. Edited by ak_m_f - 12 October 2009 at 12:51am
	IP Logged