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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
Message Icon Topic: 15 year old brother doesn't pray Post Reply Post New Topic
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curious09
 
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Quote curious09 Replybullet Topic: 15 year old brother doesn't pray
    Posted: 16 September 2009 at 3:59pm
Assalamu Alaikum,

   I have a very big concern and I don't know what to do, I don't know any sheikhs to ask but i need some advice! My little brother, who's 15 years old...does not pray, sometimes he'll lie and say he prayed/made wuduu just to get us to stop telling him to pray, or he will "pray in his room" and allahu alaim if he really does pray or not...but we know he definitely doesn't have wuduu. We are a religious family and everyone prays alhamdulillah. He has an interesting personality; he doesn't do what anyone tells him to do:typical teenager. But I feel like if we stop telling him to pray, he just won't pray and he'll grow up like that. My whole family tells him to pray, but we have to tell him 20 times before he decides to get up.

So my question is, how do I get him to pray without making him hate prayer due to all the nagging we give him because of prayer?

PLEASEE HELP US!! This is bothering us ALL except for him!!
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salaam123
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Quote salaam123 Replybullet Posted: 18 September 2009 at 4:40pm
Hi Curious,

I think the only thing you can do is just to leave him alone. Let him pray if he wants, when he wants. I know this sounds horrible but you can't force religion on someone...if you are forced to pray and you don't want to do it in your heart, it means nothing.

He is a teenager now, he doesn't know or understand these things now, especially if he does the opposite of what is expected of him. 
I think if you leave him alone he may start praying himself, if not now maybe in 6months or a year he will realize for himself. You can only do so much to try and persuade someone that something is good and they should do it. If they don't listen right away I think you should let it be and they will understand soon themselves.

This is just my opinion.
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 18 September 2009 at 5:19pm
Asalaam Alaikum Curious,

Welcome to the Forum and Eid Mubarek.

It is wonderful you care so much concern for your brother. May Allah reward your efforts.

Has anyone just chatted and talked to him about WHY he is not praying. Maybe as a sibling you can do that better than a parent.. maybe..

you know the people involved... one thing is for you to be a sibling, and not be a parent. If everyone nags.. he may feel there is no one he can talk to.  Maybe leave the 'nagging' to the parents.  I can tell you as the youngest of 7 kids.. being 'nagged' by everyone older was not much fun.

Another thing to keep in mind that he and most folks at that age want to be treated in a more adult-like way. He is in fact, Islamically considered an adult.  And growing up is a difficult and at times painful. Its like you learn so much and see all there is out in the world and as a Muslim, some things are forbidden and there is strong structure to being a Muslim. For some people that adjustment is easy, for others it is harder.

As a kid i disliked, extremely, church. Could not stand to go. Being forced to go did little for me. I see much of benefits of my upbringing but that did little.

Leading a religious life is easier for some than others. We are all different. As you said your family is very religious.. maybe he feels bad he does not feel as 'connected' as others. I am a classic example.. all  the rituals in Islam are tough for me. I am older and can discipline myself to do things.

In addition to asking Allah to help your brother.. Talk to him, or someone talk to him. Listen to him. Find out why.  He may or may not be able to articulate.  People get funny ideas like, maybe they are not 'worthy' of prayer.. or something else..

And ultimately you cannot get him to pray. He MUST choose to do it himself. Just like I chose to do Shahada. EVERY person must choose, even those raised in Islam.

my duas for your whole family. Keep us updated.

Hayfa
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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