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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
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Shasta'sAunt
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Quote Shasta'sAunt Replybullet Posted: 17 September 2009 at 2:00pm
Salaams,
 
Even if there is a reasonable explanantion for why he is unhappy with her potato paring skills, there is usually no good explanantion for why a newly married( or not so newly married) Muslim man is watching pornography on his pc.
 
I personally can't think of a valid reason for this, no matter whose side of the story it is. And it's insult to injury to be doing so during Ramadan.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 17 September 2009 at 3:49pm
".....and he has watched to adult videos..."
 
Might there be some misunderstanding as to what actually are
"adult videos"? I certainly understand them to be porno, however another culture may see "R" rated as "adult video", which clearly it is not.  Hey, just for the sake of argument anyway. 
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Shasta'sAunt
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Quote Shasta'sAunt Replybullet Posted: 17 September 2009 at 4:15pm

 "Hey, just for the sake of argument anyway. "

A man looking for an argument? You must be a glutton for punishment....Big%20smile

 

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
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Akhe Abdullah
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Quote Akhe Abdullah Replybullet Posted: 17 September 2009 at 4:41pm
Originally posted by abuayisha

  Hopefully with patience, communication, love and understanding you two can work around this problem.
InshAllah Ta ala
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 17 September 2009 at 6:05pm
yeah, perhaps I meant debate.  I know how ugly arguments can get, but seeing that it was you I felt reassured.
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 17 September 2009 at 6:27pm
Maybe she should tell him there is a potato shortage, lol.

Lol

Yes let's debate.. maybe we can solve it all.. lol

May Allah have mercy on all of us.
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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salaam123
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Quote salaam123 Replybullet Posted: 17 September 2009 at 6:57pm
Originally posted by abuayisha

".....and he has watched to adult videos..."
 
Might there be some misunderstanding as to what actually are
"adult videos"? I certainly understand them to be porno, however another culture may see "R" rated as "adult video", which clearly it is not.  Hey, just for the sake of argument anyway. 


Ok I'm sorry, I don't know what I did to you that you are blaming everything on me.  I know what he was watching because I saw in the internet browsing history. There were links for youtube and what not, and the heading for the name of the videos was inappropriate. I clicked it so I can make sure I wasn't jumping to any conclusions and it went to a video of 2 women doing "things" to each other. And there were more than 1 video he had seen...there were 8. So I don't think there was a misunderstanding there.

And when he called me to ask me to prepare food for his coworkers, I was happy to do it. I was not rude about it...I would rather cook for him and and the other guys than to not know if he ate and if he was full or still hungry.

Hayfa I did confront him about his internet video activities and he said he just did it to make me mad...even though he tried to hide it from me when he found out that those links were in the history. I don't know why anyone would do such a thing

I try to talk to him but he wont own up to anything, like the videos. I don't know if he expects me to believe his only intention was to make me mad and he "didn't even watch the videos" even though there were 8 of them.

He is talking to me again though. I think it may only be because I found out he likes to watch two women doing inappropriate things to each other.
I don't know
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Pati
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Quote Pati Replybullet Posted: 17 September 2009 at 11:11pm
Dear Salaam123,

I feel sorry for what you discovered... but that's another point for you. I mean, now, you know that he is "taking his own medicine", cause the lack of intimate with you (I mean, in case this is the first time he is looking for adult websites in internet, and I hope so).

Now, you have two options:

- To give in, and give the first step trying to come back to him, and making him come back to you.

- To keep quite waiting until he understands what he did.

Both of them are very dangerous: if you choose the first one, he may think that you are weak and that you will always do, no matter the problems between you both (except in case you are showing him that you are angry, that you are his wife and have your rights too, and that he did something really bad and has to understand it).

The second option... well, in my opinion, no matter the age men have, they are so many times having childrens behaviours... and I think this one is like a child: "you don't cook like my mother", "you didn't cook enough food for me and my friends, and the quality was not good", "I don't want to talk"... Well, at least, now you are practising for the moment you get your own children Wink

I cannot tell you what to do, because I don't know him and I don't want to make a mistake. But I will tell you what I was doing sometimes with my ex-boyfriend. Men are not communicative, they are not used to talk about their problems (well, at beginning, later I teached him to tell me everything and he learned Wink). So, when something happened to him, or he didn't like something I said or I did, I was realizing just with a look. He was trying to hide, but... well, I am not st**id.

So, if the problem was at home, I was following him everywhere: if he was in the sofa, I was going to sit with him. If he was going to the bed, I was going with him (as close as I was able to be). If he was going to the kitchen, me too (except to the bathroom, eh!). So, after time, he started shouting to me: what are you doing? what are you looking for? Bla bla bla... and I was smiling in nice way and telling him that I just wanted to be with him, nothing else. After 1 or 2 hours... the problem was solved Wink He was telling me what happened, and everything was coming back to the peace. I don't mean with your husband it could work, because really, my ex didn't tell me anything like what your husband told you, but... we are wise as women, and we know the "flank" to attack from ... I hope you understand me. You are his wife, and he is your husband, so don't feel shy to use "intimate" relations to benefit yourself. Or at least, just make him think that there is a chance (sorry if I am going too far, I am just thinking about what he was watching in internet).

But for sure the matter is not only to solve this situation, but to avoid futures problems like this, and I don't think all that is really related to the way you cut the potatoes. I think you both should talk, and you have to show him that you have your own opinions on things and you want to tell him.

Well, I don't know if I am going to help you too much, but at least, I want to ask you to be strong, and whatever you do, do it thinking about the future, and about yourself. The marriage should be forever, and we should be strong to face all kind of situations, and to solve them. You should be, I am sure, and your love and God will help you.

Best regards,
Patricia
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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