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Allah First
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Quote Allah First Replybullet Topic: bitter taste In my mouth
    Posted: 09 September 2009 at 11:58am
Asalaam Aleikum dear sisters, I have what is a known common problem. See my husband divorced me and behind my back went and married someone else, close to a year later he told me. Now he's also found his dream job, younger wife and most of what he's worked for and I'm left a single mother raising a kid that he also want to take from me. Since he says he can do a better job at it than me. I haven't any professional training therefore I have to work difficult jobs, send my kids to daycare and watch him having a good time. I know all this is a test from Allah. What I hope someone can give me an answer to is 'when those times creep in, you know! Times where your spirit is just low, everything seems to be a waste of time and that life and people have gotten the best of you'. What do you do in those times, I do dhikr, go to the masjid, listen to lectures but the problem is inside.
I would like advice from someone who's gone through a divorce and not remained bitter.
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Full of Hopes
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Quote Full of Hopes Replybullet Posted: 09 September 2009 at 3:14pm

Asslamu Alikum Wa Rahmatu Allah


  Dear sister, first you have got a very nice name. May Allah reward you and raise your rank.


 I have never been through the divorce experience but I faced many troubles in this life and I can feel of you. Sometimes I felt my dream is just death. I sometimes just wanted to die. Not because I am sure of Paradise but because I just want to escape form this life.  May Allah have mercy on us.


   But listen to me here is a very good advice. Some thing when I did it I felt relieved and so happy, as my heart was flying.


 focus on my words I have done this a lot and never failed to be happy and get what I want.


 Remember your faith in Allah the Al-Merciful. Complain to Him as you complain to your dearest and close friend.  Allah is the Greatest, I am just trying to let you see what I mean and feel of it.

 Do you wudu and while you are doing it forget about the whole world and think only of Allah and your faith in Him. Prepare yourself for standing at His door and complain to Him everything.

 Then get rid of all thoughts of this life and stand for praying just 2 rakats.

When you read the Fatiha focus only in Allah and focus on the great meanings of this Fatihah. Then when you reach Sujud, then here is the most important thing.

 Complain to Allah the A- Merciful,  in your language every pain you suffer from.  Explain and talk without limits. Show Allah your weakness. Let Him see how you like Him, need Him, trust Him and cry a lot. Cry like when the child cries to his parents if it wants something. Use His 99 names and Duaa from Sunnah.

 Show Allah that all of the doors are locked in front of you except His door that is never locked. Complain to Him your fear, weakness, sadness and worries. Speak without limits and mention alot your Faith in Allah is the ONLY one God who deserved to be worshiped and asked.

 I swear, the same moment you finish the prayer, you will feel VERY happy and relieved. Big%20smileYou will feel you are very strong and no one can cause you any harm because the Lord is with you and you trust Him.Approve


 Sister I pray to Allah that you get married soon to some one better that your x husband and feel the great happiness with your kid. May Allah who grants the Duaa, help you and take you out of all troubles. Please do this Duaa and complain to Allah any time you feel down and also as you said keep dhikr the whole day. Do not stop saying Allah names and the Suanna Duaas because when  you feel upset Shyatn will be close to you just to decrease your faith and make you feel sad. It is his battle with Adam sons, and when you say Allah's name the Shytan runs away. Also try to have good Muslim  friends and company. Try to change your life style. Stop thinking about your  past life and your x hubby and trut Allah for your  furture. Go out with your firnds and enjoy your life. Incraese you faith in Allah the Greatest and do what ever your like doing which is not haram (forbiden). Dress up, make parties, play sport, read and practice your faovorite hobbies.Clap

  Get rid of the sad and disappointing thoughts, sweetie. Heartbe stronger. I am sure you can do it.



 My Duaa with you. Please keep in touch.Hug

  Your sister in Islam





Edited by Full of Hopes - 09 September 2009 at 3:17pm
And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 09 September 2009 at 9:02pm
Aslama Alaikum Sister,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. My duas for you. I have never been divorced (or married so I have no specific words of advice in that regard.

But as Full of Hopes mentioned don't focus on your Ex. Focus on your relationship with Allah. I know from my own personal experience, it is SO hard at time to be 'up' during the times of struggle. Keep up your prayers.. and for me I try to keep up being thankful for all I have.  Make a list of ALL you have been given. Some 'big'-like your son, food, the ability to work etc. And sometimes the small.... It has helped me stay positive.

Do you family near you? What about friends? I think this is helpful. Come here to Islamicity... be engaged if you can.

Also for me, it helps at times to accept where you are at. We are not perfect. You are going through a rough time. Ok. Cry it out sometimes. Sometimes it makes it worse or it doesn't help to fight it all. You work hard, go to work, take care of your child. Its tough. 

The other day I was very stressed, feeling really low and it helped that I read the Quran. It really did.

Your sister in Islam
Hayfa  

 


When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Allah First
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Quote Allah First Replybullet Posted: 11 September 2009 at 9:58am
Jazakallah my sister in Islam.
I am crying listening to both of your advice and I pray that in this month and at this time may Allah (swt) grant you both Jannah Inshallah. I am one of those people who have recently learned it's ok to cry and show weakness, b/c it's all part of our human nature.
I know that Allah's promise is one that will definately come through and that sometimes one has to face difficulties to purify themselves.
I know with all my heart that I'm not going to be dissapointed.
Alhamdullila, I'm living with family and am keeping contacts with my friends. I try to keep busy. I want to go back to school, but don't know what to study, so maybe I'll get a part-time job. Whatever comes my way. My greatest fear is that i'll fail my son. I will continue praying and ask you to also keep me in yr dua's .

Jazakallah.
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Full of Hopes
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Quote Full of Hopes Replybullet Posted: 11 September 2009 at 11:52pm
  
Tongue  Hey sister: I want you to cheer up
 
.. I hope you are happy now. I praied to Allah to help you and make you happy.
 
And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 12 September 2009 at 2:25am
Whatever comes my way. My greatest fear is that i'll fail my son. I will continue praying and ask you to also keep me in yr dua's .

And part of that is to have faith in Allah to take care of your son. Ultimately all is in Allah's control. Its hard as you of course love your son and care for him. And of course you feel responsible.

And on another note, if your husband left you for another woman.. hard as it is.. it is really the best for you.. think he won't do it to the next woman?  Maybe it is a true blessing for you. The best thing over time is to not be bitter towards him  as your son will see, but really, he is not worth it. Time gives us perspective and heals wounds.

For me, if wants someone else, HIS LOSS.  Yes you have to deal with him because of your son, but the less 'power' you give him to affect your mood and self-esteem, the better. He does not deserve you. Allah is giving you a blessing to not have to be married to him. Yes we are afraid, how will we survive, how will we provide.. but Allah provides. You have family and friends. You are not out on the street.

And as I ponder.. Allah does not need our prayers, remembrances, we do!  The reality is that this life is transient. And no matter what we do, it will not go one forever. We are on our destiny.

If you can see this go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PztTA5EVGQU

It is graphic but sometimes it helps me to gain perspective!

Keep coming and visiting..
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Quote Full of Hopes Replybullet Posted: 12 September 2009 at 4:23am
Asslamu Alaikum
I am really happy to hear from you. Sister Hayfa has given you a very good advice. I just want to say something very important. We show our weakness JUST to Allah the Greatest. But do not show any weakness or need to people. They are weak like us. Allah prefers the strong Muslim to the weak Muslim.
Our needs, pain and fear are secrets shown to Allah then after that to good Muslims we trust and are sure they can help. It is nice to stay with us. We hope to make you smile. I am not funny . i am telling you the truth, but sometime by chance without my intention i make others laugh.
But i know some members are funny. They will make you smile.

Edited by Full of Hopes - 12 September 2009 at 4:30am
And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Pati
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Quote Pati Replybullet Posted: 13 September 2009 at 12:51am
Dear Allah First,

Sometimes, the life suddenly turns and from one day to another, we feel we failed and we were happier in the past and now we are poor...

I cannot see your situation like the situation of a poor person: you have a son, and I am sure he loves you. You have a job, do you know how many millions of women are without job in this world? And they have more than one son.

You must find the peace point in your life. You need to meet people, maybe other mothers in your same situation (why don't you ask in the Mosque? I know in Spain, they are making like women groups to support special situations like yours).

But don't point your view at your ex-husband, and absolutely, don't think that he is happier than you. We cannot see inside the people, and maybe all what he has is not enough for him. We should never think that others are happiest than us, because every human being is having pain inside, due to different things, but the pain is inherent to us.

I would suggest you to improve yourself. Make a course about something you like, or try to look for something to do. And obviously, spend more time with your child. Just think about what you feels when he kiss you, and when he tells you "I love you mum", or just while he looks at you. Really, I am not mother, but I believe that is the best thing in this life.

You are a very rich person, dear. Don't forget it.

Salams
Patricia
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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