IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum: I wanna save my marraige

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fais

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Posted: 02 October 2009 at 10:24pm

Hello All,

I need an advice again,my father-in-law called today and he said he is returning everything which I gave to my wife as meher and gold as gift and he is asking me to file for talaq in my city in the sharah court,but all my well wishers say that even if she is paying the meher and gold back she should file for Khula as she is initiating this,she is taking the whole responsibility,so let her go to the court and feel what she is doing.

Please advise what should i do plz advise.

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martha

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Posted: 03 October 2009 at 5:38am

Salaams Brother,

Your well wishers are correct. If she is returning everything to you she should initiate Khula. Why should you do talaq? You do not want this divorce!

It seems she wants to be free of the error of her ways by implying it is you that is at fault...and is requesting you do this talaq.

Perhaps she feels it would be easier to find a future husband if she did not do khula with you?

DON'T DO IT BROTHER!! Tell her family she must do khula!!

And actually I can;t see how anything you gave her can be returned until after the divorce is finalised. So also don't take back anything at this time.

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

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fais

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Joined: 24 August 2009
Location: Oman
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Posted: 03 October 2009 at 6:05am

Salam,

Well my Father-in-law is my fathers first cousin so returning the money was never the issue,last night they said they have sent all meher and gold thru my wives first cousin,so according to you i should not accept the money and gold before divorce,can u explain why i mean is there any legal religios complications.

U know sister according to her and her family khula is only when they are not returning the meher but they are saying when everything they are returning then it is regardless i give talaq or they take khula,

but for me sister meher money has no value i told them on their face that i dont want it,i want that girl feel the pain that the way she took this bold decision so the same way she shud go to same court where once she got married to me.it will at least remind her the day of marraige and her thousands of promises she did with me.she left me without any big reason,and more important she has one reason that she is taking talaq for whcih she will tell me after Talaq, she is punishing me without telling what i have done.she has litrally tortured me but still i cant stop loving her.

May allah save me from anything unrelegious.

Edited by fais - 03 October 2009 at 6:29am

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martha

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Posted: 03 October 2009 at 7:37am

Salaams Brother,

It is my understanding that when a woman does khula she returns her meher and gold. And if a man does Talaq he lets her keep the gifts.

Certainly in the UK until Talaq or Khula is done through an Islamic court then no money etc is exchanged. Talaq here is not acceptable by saying 3 times...it must go through the Shariah Council.

If Shariah COurt in Saudi Arabia is the same as the UK then a representative of you both will talk to you about the reasons for Khula or Talaq. Then there is a court hearing when the divorce is made final.So she cannot say she will will talk to you afterwards. I find that very strange. Like I say maybe it is different in Saudi.

I think as it is all very complicated it would be a good idea to speak with an Imam and get everything more clear for you.

I know you do not want to take back the gifts. But she doesn't want to keep them. That suggests she is feeling guilty? But I am sure she has some conscience especially as you are closely related.

Please go and get some more advice. Don;t rely on truth coming from her and her family. They might feel they know Islam...but perhaps they dont...so don't let them pull you to pieces. I hope you can move on quickly with your life brother. Loving someone is useless in this life if there is manipulation from one in the marraige. We all need stability and a sense of peace, not mindless games. I am sorry to say she is not mature enough to understand this. You deserve better

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

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fais

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Posted: 03 October 2009 at 9:09am

salam,

Sister thnx a million for your reply yes you made me believe i deserve better,

My father-in-law told me that i shud go to the court and file for talaq,they give a date and at time the alim will try to convince not give talaq or khula at time if you say u want seperation at any cost then the the divorce is executed,now about the reason of talaq in islam she can take khula even if she dont like me for no reason,so this is something between girl and the boy,and hearing makes no sence as there is no issue of any holding any money or right of anyone.

telling me the reason is just for the accountability on the day of judgement in front of allah subhana tala,and if she dont state it then she will be answerable to allah on the day of judgement.

i can force her to state me a reason but there is no use for me as she will tell me the reason to blame me and not to reconcile.she thinks she has made a mistake marrying me and allah subhana tala has supernaturally informed her that she shud leave me.allah has informed her by smell and suffocation problem and she saw a dream in which she is marrying someone else and he is telling her that she will get better than what she lost,

i will try your adivces and see what happenes

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Hayfa
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Posted: 03 October 2009 at 4:25pm

Salaam Fais,

I agree with Martha, you need to meet with someone who is a scholar is Shariah. I do not think any of us are qualified to answer you. There is Shariah and then there is Saudi Law. I would imagine you need to know both.

My Duas are for. I know it is not easy for you.

Hayfa

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

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Full of Hopes
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Posted: 03 October 2009 at 4:50pm

Originally posted by Hayfa

Salaam Fais,

I agree with Martha, you need to meet with someone who is a scholar is Shariah. I do not think any of us are qualified to answer you. There is Shariah and then there is Saudi Law. I would imagine you need to know both.

My Duas are for. I know it is not easy for you.

Hayfa

I agree with you sister 100%. And another advice I am not sure if others will agree. In my opinion I advise: try to avoid making troubles to your wife or her family. She might have been bad with you and not fair but we as Muslims do not return the wrong way of treating. We always try to be better then others. What is the point of causing her troubles??? She could not love you and asked for divorce. I just want you to put yourself in her shoes!!! Of course you want the other person to help you and make things easy for you. Also as you mentioned before she is your cousin so be careful of your relatives and let them remember your generosity with them.

And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)

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fais

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Location: Oman
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Posted: 03 October 2009 at 10:30pm

Dear Sister,

Full of hope,

Allah knows my intention,i never meant to trouble her at any point of my life,I am just asking her to file for khula and not troubling her,troubling is a wrong word to use sister,i am a god fearing man and i know my limits i would have troubled her if i would have not participated in any legal formalities of divorce,i would have troubled if i had gone to my country back without giving talaq no one can force me,but i said i will sign the papers where ever they call and ask me to sign.

sister i was generous thru out my relation but this one thing now i want which is my right for my self esteem,she has broken me into peaces and no more i can do favours for her.i never thought i will give talaq to my wife whoever she is,and by doing this i will be happy that i never had to utter talaq word which is the most fateful to Allah subhana tala.they are protecting their daughter she got everything redaymade,and now she wants talaq also readymade.like a saudi women she made me do all things she wanted and when i got all she dumped me for her own reasons which is not even justified.insha allah i will get you the correct fatwa related to this matter.

Regards

Edited by fais - 03 October 2009 at 11:29pm

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Family Matter
IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter

Author	Message
fais Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Online Status: Offline Posts: 281	Posted: 02 October 2009 at 10:24pm
	Hello All, I need an advice again,my father-in-law called today and he said he is returning everything which I gave to my wife as meher and gold as gift and he is asking me to file for talaq in my city in the sharah court,but all my well wishers say that even if she is paying the meher and gold back she should file for Khula as she is initiating this,she is taking the whole responsibility,so let her go to the court and feel what she is doing. Please advise what should i do plz advise.
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martha Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1141	Posted: 03 October 2009 at 5:38am
	Salaams Brother, Your well wishers are correct. If she is returning everything to you she should initiate Khula. Why should you do talaq? You do not want this divorce! It seems she wants to be free of the error of her ways by implying it is you that is at fault...and is requesting you do this talaq. Perhaps she feels it would be easier to find a future husband if she did not do khula with you? DON'T DO IT BROTHER!! Tell her family she must do khula!! And actually I can;t see how anything you gave her can be returned until after the divorce is finalised. So also don't take back anything at this time.
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
	IP Logged

fais Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Online Status: Offline Posts: 281	Posted: 03 October 2009 at 6:05am
	Salam, Well my Father-in-law is my fathers first cousin so returning the money was never the issue,last night they said they have sent all meher and gold thru my wives first cousin,so according to you i should not accept the money and gold before divorce,can u explain why i mean is there any legal religios complications. U know sister according to her and her family khula is only when they are not returning the meher but they are saying when everything they are returning then it is regardless i give talaq or they take khula, but for me sister meher money has no value i told them on their face that i dont want it,i want that girl feel the pain that the way she took this bold decision so the same way she shud go to same court where once she got married to me.it will at least remind her the day of marraige and her thousands of promises she did with me.she left me without any big reason,and more important she has one reason that she is taking talaq for whcih she will tell me after Talaq, she is punishing me without telling what i have done.she has litrally tortured me but still i cant stop loving her. May allah save me from anything unrelegious. Edited by fais - 03 October 2009 at 6:29am
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martha Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1141	Posted: 03 October 2009 at 7:37am
	Salaams Brother, It is my understanding that when a woman does khula she returns her meher and gold. And if a man does Talaq he lets her keep the gifts. Certainly in the UK until Talaq or Khula is done through an Islamic court then no money etc is exchanged. Talaq here is not acceptable by saying 3 times...it must go through the Shariah Council. If Shariah COurt in Saudi Arabia is the same as the UK then a representative of you both will talk to you about the reasons for Khula or Talaq. Then there is a court hearing when the divorce is made final.So she cannot say she will will talk to you afterwards. I find that very strange. Like I say maybe it is different in Saudi. I think as it is all very complicated it would be a good idea to speak with an Imam and get everything more clear for you. I know you do not want to take back the gifts. But she doesn't want to keep them. That suggests she is feeling guilty? But I am sure she has some conscience especially as you are closely related. Please go and get some more advice. Don;t rely on truth coming from her and her family. They might feel they know Islam...but perhaps they dont...so don't let them pull you to pieces. I hope you can move on quickly with your life brother. Loving someone is useless in this life if there is manipulation from one in the marraige. We all need stability and a sense of peace, not mindless games. I am sorry to say she is not mature enough to understand this. You deserve better
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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fais Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Online Status: Offline Posts: 281	Posted: 03 October 2009 at 9:09am
	salam, Sister thnx a million for your reply yes you made me believe i deserve better, My father-in-law told me that i shud go to the court and file for talaq,they give a date and at time the alim will try to convince not give talaq or khula at time if you say u want seperation at any cost then the the divorce is executed,now about the reason of talaq in islam she can take khula even if she dont like me for no reason,so this is something between girl and the boy,and hearing makes no sence as there is no issue of any holding any money or right of anyone. telling me the reason is just for the accountability on the day of judgement in front of allah subhana tala,and if she dont state it then she will be answerable to allah on the day of judgement. i can force her to state me a reason but there is no use for me as she will tell me the reason to blame me and not to reconcile.she thinks she has made a mistake marrying me and allah subhana tala has supernaturally informed her that she shud leave me.allah has informed her by smell and suffocation problem and she saw a dream in which she is marrying someone else and he is telling her that she will get better than what she lost, i will try your adivces and see what happenes
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Hayfa Female Islam Senior Member Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 2370	Posted: 03 October 2009 at 4:25pm
	Salaam Fais, I agree with Martha, you need to meet with someone who is a scholar is Shariah. I do not think any of us are qualified to answer you. There is Shariah and then there is Saudi Law. I would imagine you need to know both. My Duas are for. I know it is not easy for you. Hayfa
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Full of Hopes Female Islam Senior Member Joined: 06 August 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 860	Posted: 03 October 2009 at 4:50pm
	*Originally posted by Hayfa* Salaam Fais, I agree with Martha, you need to meet with someone who is a scholar is Shariah. I do not think any of us are qualified to answer you. There is Shariah and then there is Saudi Law. I would imagine you need to know both. My Duas are for. I know it is not easy for you. Hayfa I agree with you sister 100%. And another advice I am not sure if others will agree. In my opinion I advise: try to avoid making troubles to your wife or her family. She might have been bad with you and not fair but we as Muslims do not return the wrong way of treating. We always try to be better then others. What is the point of causing her troubles??? She could not love you and asked for divorce. I just want you to put yourself in her shoes!!! Of course you want the other person to help you and make things easy for you. Also as you mentioned before she is your cousin so be careful of your relatives and let them remember your generosity with them.
	And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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fais Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Online Status: Offline Posts: 281	Posted: 03 October 2009 at 10:30pm
	Dear Sister, Full of hope, Allah knows my intention,i never meant to trouble her at any point of my life,I am just asking her to file for khula and not troubling her,troubling is a wrong word to use sister,i am a god fearing man and i know my limits i would have troubled her if i would have not participated in any legal formalities of divorce,i would have troubled if i had gone to my country back without giving talaq no one can force me,but i said i will sign the papers where ever they call and ask me to sign. sister i was generous thru out my relation but this one thing now i want which is my right for my self esteem,she has broken me into peaces and no more i can do favours for her.i never thought i will give talaq to my wife whoever she is,and by doing this i will be happy that i never had to utter talaq word which is the most fateful to Allah subhana tala.they are protecting their daughter she got everything redaymade,and now she wants talaq also readymade.like a saudi women she made me do all things she wanted and when i got all she dumped me for her own reasons which is not even justified.insha allah i will get you the correct fatwa related to this matter. Regards Edited by fais - 03 October 2009 at 11:29pm
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