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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
Message Icon Topic: I wanna save my marraige Post Reply Post New Topic
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 15 September 2009 at 11:33am

salam sister,

to full of hopes,

Dear sister,thnx for the valuable advice,i think u r right i have to put an end to this,this lady has no love for me left but allah knows sister i did no unhuman act to make me hate her,but still what is the use of talking all these,she has forgetten all my efforts to get her,all my love and everything,and besides this she has kept her self respect intact and on the contrary i lowered myself to the lowest level to convince her,i begged i cried i shouted but sister its like summun bukmun umun deaf blind dumb-no responce she just listen and know answer from her.

it was just my last eid with her to spend but she dint even give me that,i cant go to her house in jeddah so now i have cancelled my flight and going to dammam.sister i just pray one thing one day she should realise what she did with me and repent for leaving such a loving man in her life.she never took any serious step to save this marraige as u see above one sister has given a medical solution also to this problem,but she didnt even share this problem with her mom and kept it to herself till our marraige has come to end.
u r a nice lady and dont want to encourage divorce i like this but i have no other option as this lady is adamant to leave me,and now i have to be strong as all said in this group,this lady thinks allah has supernaturally informed her that this marraige should not go on so she is quitting finally.
i will what ever they want,whenever they want i will come and sign the papers for talaq,i dont wanna harras her as i wanna be free in duniya and akhirat.may allah do insaaf with me and make this lady repent for her deed.i still love her what to say now.


Edited by fais - 15 September 2009 at 11:40am
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Pati
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Quote Pati Replybullet Posted: 15 September 2009 at 12:16pm
Originally posted by fais

Dear Patti,

I think you have not read my eralier post,she has mad me a psycologycal patient since one month,i begged in front of her not to leave but she dint agree,this day i went with so much feelings and really did not intend to have sex,but when she saw me she dint give a smile,she suddenly told me that she wants to finish this matter,at that very time banged my head on the wall,and in anger i said this,she knows me very well i can never hurt her,i was always kind and gentle,but she shud realise what she did to my brain she has made me mad and now if i do somthing which is abnormal she will insult me like this.

she spoilt my life i have no confidence now,i gave 4yrs to her and she just wanna walk off,remember when she was normal she use to demand sexual conversation even if it was not possible as it was expesive to call from india to saudi.she made me do things whcih was really hatefull to me in a sexual raltion but for her i made my self like that,she use to make me feel guilty if i dont do that,
when she wants she wants but when i just say it in anger i become rapist wow patti.
fais,
 
Sorry, but I didn't say you were a rapist.
 
You asked her for a hug, and she gave you, isn't it? And suddenly, you went straight asking for sex... really, fais, what I think is that she needs time (at least in the past, I don't know if she will give you another chance, sorry).
 
Yes, I read your first post. I understand that you cannot understand why she liked sex before, and suddenly she changed, but that is another thing that she should check with a doctor, there is none here who can help someone without knowing what she feels and thinks. But... really, I find it a very big mistake what you did to her, really. She was trying to come back to you in slow way, and you "forced" her, you got angry, mad (as you said).
 
Maybe both of you need to go to a pshicologist. There are specialist to help couples, so I think that could be the way. This situation you are going through needs for lot of patience, and I think you already lost yours (I understand it, don't think I blame you).
 
Both of you, you need help fais. I think that you don't know each other, and you need to start again building your relation.
 
That's my opinion only, sorry if you don't like it.
 
Regards
Patricia
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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Saladin
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Quote Saladin Replybullet Posted: 16 September 2009 at 12:27pm
Originally posted by fais

i will what ever they want,whenever they want i will come and sign the papers for talaq,i dont wanna harras her as i wanna be free in duniya and akhirat.may allah do insaaf with me and make this lady repent for her deed.i still love her what to say now.
 
Salaam Alaikum Fais,
 
Get the marriage terminated through Khula (not talaq) cuz she wants it.
 
And take back the mahr and bust out of there.
 
Dont ever get nostalgic about how she used to love you cuz it seems it was all just infatuation.
 
Get rid of your al-ain and blackmagic phobias. People dont get al-ained or jinxed by some voodoo zinzin, its just in their minds. 
 
And you dont've to be a devdas, move on, Insha Allah you may find a girl that really loves you and then hang on to her with dear life.
 
 
 
'Trust everyone but not the devil in them'
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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 16 September 2009 at 2:33pm
Asalaam alaikum brother,
This is a very sad story really. And you have suffered enough. It seems you have done your best and now you are becoming too frustrated. Perhaps this lady was in love with love, she is certainly influenced by her family members and older friends. She is not mature enough I think.
I think she puts too much importance on money/material possessions and as you are hard working but poor then she does not want to live a life less than the one she has now. I expect she wants to marry a rich man. It is sad, but it happens all too often.
 
So hold your head high and try to move forward with your life. I am certain you will be rewarded with a kinder more loving lady from within your own community in India, that is happy with you as a person and not how much money you have in your pocket.
 
Remember the Prophets daughter Fatima(peace be upon them all) who needed few possessions in this life and was happy this way. She was not concerned with social status. She was so nice. Many people in this life are too worried about what other people think about them. What does it matter. IF you have enough to survive then who needs more? It is greed, only that. It all goes when we die.
 
Learn from this experience and move forward. Bro Saladin is correct..you don't have to be a DevdasSmile
 
 
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 16 September 2009 at 3:24pm
"Perhaps this lady was in love with love,......"
 
In love with love? 
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 16 September 2009 at 8:44pm
"In love with love"

I take it to mean that some people are in love with the 'idea' of love. Not understanding what exactly love is. You know people are into the 'romantic concept' but not really the hard work. Like do you love your spouse enough that if that are ill you will take care of them? Lots of people go into marriage with this false idealized notion of love. Not having a clue.
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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martha
 
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Quote martha Replybullet Posted: 16 September 2009 at 11:35pm
"In love with love"
 
YEs. In love with the idea of love (small prob with language there lol)
 
As you have correctly said Hayfa, the romantic concept...what I call the airy fairy, head in clouds kind of love which is a total illusion to the reality of true lasting love which requires continued effort, patience..oh the list is endless lol. It is so important to have a good grounding to any marriage right from the start. Easier said than done.
some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 25 September 2009 at 11:50pm

dear maria and patti,

i never claimed my sex right and plz our culture is not that cruel for woman so plz dont blame culture maria.

this lady cud have understood me and realise wot she did to my brain she has litrally tortured me each day before telling her final decision,and having mom 2 brothers and father present was that reallly possible common patti she just did it to save her pride this lady who made a normal man mad and insane will fear from my threats not acceptable.

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