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Family Matter
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Message Icon Topic: I wanna save my marraige Post Reply Post New Topic
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Full of Hopes
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Quote Full of Hopes Replybullet Posted: 09 September 2009 at 12:31am

  Brother Fais May Allah help you.
 Maybe I do not know more but a little advice: Do not leave or ignore your parents for the sake of a woman or any one else. If she likes you truly, then she accepts your parents and your simple life. But if from the beginning she wants to keep away form your family, I am not sure...Disapprove
 Do not get mad of my words..You and me believe in Allah the Just. We trust Allah who knows our future and what is good for us. Some times and this happened to me really, some times we love something or someone and die to have it but Allah doesn't want it for us because in the hidden knowledge it is not good for us and we will discover that later.
  Some time there might be a disaster if the relationship lasts more.
And again your parents will stay for you and the paradise is with them.
 Accept that so many things in this life we like them to happen but did not happen because they are not good for us.
  There are so many pretty and very good Muslims who will accept you and your family. Forgive me just in case no soultion..and Allah will help you
 We just trust Allah and increase our faith in Him and He will please us and  protect us..
  I am sorry if I am rude, but I did not like the idea of leaving your parents and family for any woman although I am a woman.This is the truth.
.Allah has joined them with His worship in Quraan.
   Something else very important as she was brought up here in the KSA,  women feel jealous and if  you let any other women talk to her about you then the things will be worse, believe me. And she might take this as an excuse to blame you and make more problems. No strange women between you.
I hope you see what I mean..




Edited by Full of Hopes - 09 September 2009 at 12:34am
And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 09 September 2009 at 1:49am
hello sister,
to full of hopes.
 
well she never asked me to leave the parents infact she respects my parents, she dont want to be with my kin india,she has problem with the formalities in the kin,and about my parents i have brother to take care of them and send money to them so i have taken this decision with their permission,they are ok with this,and i will never leave them like this.
 
you are right she will go mad if a third person will talk to her,i just want one opinion from,is she right in what she is doing with me,please read my story and tell is she justified to leave me.just pray for me sister.
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RASHROUSH2222
 
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Quote RASHROUSH2222 Replybullet Posted: 09 September 2009 at 2:28am

salamo alykom brother..

ur story is clear but coz u r a part of it u cant think rationally...beleive am toooooooooo emotional that my heart almost every time think instead of my brain so wallah i know ur feeling.
 
brother there is somethin wrong with ur girl am sorry but its obvious coz she keen to u she started to love u she demanded ur love to her and u started loving her after she loved you so probably she controled ur feeling somehow and she made u love her...now she s leaving for no reason or hidden reason nothing in islam give her the right to destroy a marriage without telling why obviously she doesn't fear allah that much and as full of hopes said no matter wat u should obey and please ur parents as long as they r not asking for haram allah orders u to obey them if u didnt then u r not obeyin allah and when u dont obey allah then alah wont listen to ur prayers.
u dont need this girl.GOD u r a man how can she and her family control u the way they want?doesnt make sense that is not islam fais 100% not islam...if u left ur imaan for the sake of ur heart or ur dunya u will losse dunya and akhira but if u chose allah u will be rewarded in dunya and akhira...wake up my brother before its too late..but dont u divorce her coz if u did u will not gonna get any money and u will even pay more...tell her to ask for talaq and give u back ur money if they said no under islam laws she can never marry anyone but u can and they wont say no for along time my brother maybe she met someone that other girls convince her of and her feelings r for that man..u just never know...ppl we r all tryin to advise him to be more patient and inshallah it will be solved we r actually helpin him to drown...fais wake up its wrong maybe u think am cold and rude wallah wallah wallah allah knows am helpin u one day u will wake up and know that....
my brother u were tooooooooo nice to her that she controls u and made u obey her....its ok to go along with ur wife but only if she is a good muslima who fears allah dont tell me she wear hijab and pray and do umra and hajj that is not enough...there is imaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan and fearing allah....marriage is a very critical and sensitive thing in islam good marriage can bring a whole nation of good muslims bad marriage could bring a whole nation of baaaaaaaaad muslims.who can destory islam.(i mean not obeying allah and do haram things)
u will be in pain for couple of weeks then u wll be better wallah dont save this marriage its not a good marraige from the first place its obvious open ur eyes...girls he is here seekin our help and we should advise him wat really he should do...we can comfort him and even help him to get back to her but is this really wat he should do?
Fais this marriage should end and they should ask for talaq dont listen to her by shutting your mouth if u did u will pay everythin and more u have to tell them if they want talaq give me back all my money or no talaq will happen...
if she was a good girl wallah i wouldnt say that coz i asked for talaq as well but i paid him everythin and i didnt even hurt him with a word i told him i cant live ur way of livin maybe u r a good guy but i wanna get divorced he was rude to me but i said to myself its ok all wat matters is to be free again coz he doesnt fear allah enough...i paid him everythin just to set me free...and allah knows i was a good girl...but ur girl is not good enough she should pay u everythin to give her talaq dont feel sorry for her or feel u wanna save it...if u did one day u will regret.she and her family will always control u and treat u bad u know y ?coz they know u lover her and u would anythin for her.stand up for ur self and keep allah in ur heart to get stronger and am sure u hurt ur family by leavin them for her...go to ur family ask for their forgivness heal the pain u caused them stop thinkin about ur feelings wallah one day u will know its the right thing to leave her...trust allah he will grant u peace and strength...am only sayin that coz am thinkin with my brain but ur brain is not even workin ur heart is controlin u and heart can send us to hell....search in ur mind and am sure u will start realizing that there is somethin wrong in this marriage end it now before its too late...girls for ALLAH's sake stop encourgin him to save this marriage...read his words read wat he did to his family and her read wat she and her family did to him....fear allah in ur advise he is seekin good muslims advice...
allah knows every word i said for ur own good.i felt pain when i left my Ex but now?am happier that i left him...the happiest to meet my future husband...and am getting married to him coz my heart and brain and my imaaan are all tellin me that am doin the right thing for my deen,dunya,and akhira inshallah...trust allah he wont let u down but not good muslims who dont fear allah will always find away to let u down.
am prraying allah to save u from this marriage
am praying allah u wont misunderstand me...
am just trying to advise a muslim brother who asked for our help and inshallah am fearing allah with my reply inshallah..may alah forgive me if i hurt u or hurt anyone here...am not that kind wallah..
salamo alaykom
dont forget to pray for me and my man in ramadan and always.
ALLAH is too generous to let ur prayer down..if ALLAH take somethin away from u he gives u wat is much better.ELHAMDULILLAH for islam
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 13 September 2009 at 11:46am
salam sister,
to rasroush,
 
U r so nice to give me this good advice,u r right this marraige will never work and it should end,read this what happened to me when i went to her house this thursday after umra.
i went to her house from makkah after umrah with all the gifts i bought for our aniversary,i reached at fatoor time i reached there asap so that i can break my fast with her,when i reached she didnt even look at me properly and no smile nothing,all my dreams were shattered then when i met her alone i asked her to give me a hug and she came closer hugged her and then kissed her on which she got annoyed,i cud not controll sister and it is my right,then i told plz dont go we can save this marraige we will solve your al ain problem  on this she said plz finish this matter as soon as possible,i got angry and started abusing my self and banged my head on the wall and was gone mad,then in anger i told her i wanna have sex with you on this she said no i said i will not forgive tonight and angels will curse u,she said no she wont have sex,i said i can do forcibly also and then i went to taravi prayer,in this 30 min she cried and told everything to her parents this is thefirst time they came to know about her intention of talaq,she told her parents that i told her that i am gonna rape her belive me sister i dint even use this word rape and what i ment to say was i have the right to have sex with u without your consent also and islam has given me this right,maybe she misunderstood and later on she said she was afaraid of my behaviour.after this incident i came after taravi in this mean time all my clothes were packed and my father in law asked me to go to my brotherinlaws house,before i leave they insulted very badly and her brother was about to hit me if i had revolted.a man who loved her and she knows me very well i can never hurt her,even when i was physical with her in our happy days i was so carefull that i shud not hurt her while doing anything,
now sister sex is a big problem with her,and i am normal so when i ask for the least thing which is a romantic talk she gets angry,when she was normal she use to make me feel guilty if i dint call her for a romantic talk,that means if she wants i shud be ready anytime and when i want i become sex meniac for her a rapist for her.i am god fearing man i expect anything from my wife only i dont look for other woman so its my right to have some comfort if not sex.i know she has problem of smell and suffocation when i come close but where do i go to remove my frustration.tell me sister am a culprit in this whole episode.
 
and i know that hidden reason is the same, when i got angry and made her cry in the begining when this fight started i told her sorry and then i thought i convinced her and then started romantic talk as we use to do in our happy days but ithink she felt i am a sex meniac and i dont care for her feeling and she said she has no love for me after few days.
 
give me some opniona as i wanna know something from her point of view also,am i wrong to expect sex from my wife in a country like saudi where you feel so frustrated.i know the question is again favouring me but i want your unbiased opnion considering my personality if u think u know me to some extent.


Edited by fais - 13 September 2009 at 1:00pm
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Pati
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Quote Pati Replybullet Posted: 14 September 2009 at 11:34pm
Sorry to tell you, fais, but I think that you have not much possibilities after what you did.

You came to ask for advise, but you followed your men instincts, you didn't control it even a bit. We, as women, told you to give her space, to allow her to take breath, and suddenly, you talked to her about your sex rights as husband.

Really, I cannot imagine how much pain she got in that moment.

You have a very difficult way to make her back to you. I am sorry for both.

And I don't think it's Al Ain, I think that women need time to know men, and that for us, sex is not important (at least, this much important than for men), and you didn't know anything about women.

If you really love her, you have to go to her in nice and kind way, not as a husband. Think that your relation came back to the starting point, and try to do the same things you did at beginning.

Really, I am sad to read what you did.
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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Quote mariyah Replybullet Posted: 15 September 2009 at 12:46am
Asalaamu alaikum:
Well sex rights are sex rights ,and if my husband approached me in that manner I would ban him from my house. But culture is culture, and I respect that.
It sounds to me as if your wife needs to see a physician about her "smell" problem. That is usually secondary to a microorganism that is native to the body but gives off bad odors as a chain reaction when different body chemicals mix. It is the overgrowth of this bacteria that gives off this smell. Usually a dose of metronidizole, or flagyl will take care of this. She should be seen by a physician though, she may have female problems that cause discomfort, maybe her indecision or instability is caujsed by a hormonal or chemical imbalance. Insha"Allah she will come around. May Allah wa ta'la grant you relief.
"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 15 September 2009 at 1:08am

Dear Patti,

I think you have not read my eralier post,she has mad me a psycologycal patient since one month,i begged in front of her not to leave but she dint agree,this day i went with so much feelings and really did not intend to have sex,but when she saw me she dint give a smile,she suddenly told me that she wants to finish this matter,at that very time banged my head on the wall,and in anger i said this,she knows me very well i can never hurt her,i was always kind and gentle,but she shud realise what she did to my brain she has made me mad and now if i do somthing which is abnormal she will insult me like this.

she spoilt my life i have no confidence now,i gave 4yrs to her and she just wanna walk off,remember when she was normal she use to demand sexual conversation even if it was not possible as it was expesive to call from india to saudi.she made me do things whcih was really hatefull to me in a sexual raltion but for her i made my self like that,she use to make me feel guilty if i dont do that,
when she wants she wants but when i just say it in anger i become rapist wow patti.
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Full of Hopes
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Quote Full of Hopes Replybullet Posted: 15 September 2009 at 1:59am

  Asslamu Alaikum  I am sorry for you brother, I have thought of an advice to give you but I see that this lady has taken you out of her heart. And this is normal for us as human beings. Our hearts love this day and very normal to hate the next day.    You have suffered a lot and listened to many advises a lot. Now it  comes the time to do something. If we face a problem the solution is not to stay sad and listening to advices or having more information. The most important thing is the way out. What is the next efficient step which will solve your trouble??   Believe in:  hearts change even swing. She might loved you in past but now she stopped for some reason, we do not know. If this is the truth, shall I waste my time in making sure of it?  May Allah forgive me and you.  Brother, you have read enough replies. There is no more than  your real actions.    Stay with yourself and put an end for your suffering. I do not say the divorce but I say the end which makes you improve and build your future. Life is full of trouble and sad moments, so is the solution STOP and cry??  There is something you must believe in it ... THE CHANGE... We have to face it and like it. So many new things are better than the old.your girl is not the last woman on the world, not the most beautiful or blessed. I know that you do want to leave her but Allah put the divorce if the life between you comes to its end.     You might feel it difficult or impossible, but think if you meet a new girl who loves you and cares for you and your family. You may get married to prettier than her and higher rank. Life is full of chances, just wait for your chance.      I appreciate your trying not to divorce may Allah reward you for your patience and  I am not advising you  to get divorced. I say enough listening now it is time to work and get out of your problem. do istikhara before

Edited by Full of Hopes - 15 September 2009 at 3:41am
And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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