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Groups – Women (Sisters)
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Groups – Women (Sisters)
Message Icon Event: No return to Salaams! - Event Date: 10 April 2009 Post Reply Post New Topic
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 14 April 2009 at 10:02am
Salaams
 
I think it is a big issue.. and honestly I beleive more of an issue amonst the women than men..  I have many theories.. but they are just theories.. 
 
When I tried to be invovled in a masjid I signed up to help with a fair or something like that. I was in a kitchen with a bunch of women and only one older lady was nice and talked to me.. and she hadlimited English. The rest, i was there an hour, said NOTHING to me..
 
Frankly, i know too many revert women who are just plain isolated.. it is a terrible problem.  I don't think it has to do with 9-11.. not among the women. Women are just cliquish..
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Zaharah
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Quote Zaharah Replybullet Posted: 14 April 2009 at 12:32pm
Wa Alaikum As Salam Sister Hayfa,
You are 100% right, this is a big issue.  I think also more from the sisters side also, but it does happen with our brothers (see above) and also my husband has experienced this in the Masjid here in Atlanta. 
 You see the expirence you had from those women calling themself's muslim (maybe with the mouth only) treated you.  I used to think it was the language but WE ALL have the same universal greeting no matter what language, race or color we are.
Please explain to me when you said "Frankly, i know too many revert women who are just plain isolated.. it is a terrible problem.
And PLEASE VOTE IN THE POLL, you will find it in the general discussion or in sisters only forum.
Thanks so much for your input it is much needed.Big%20smile
Zaharah
 
 
 
 
 
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 15 April 2009 at 12:36pm
What I meant is that, many reverts connect to other women alot via the interent. I know many women who are nothighly active in their communities, have few people around them etc. Thes women can be like in NYC, Toronto, Atlanta etc. So its not strictly geography.
 
I think it has to do with 'culture' not just say foreign cultures but the reality that when you enter into Islam you on some levels leave your culture behindas you seek o intergrate Islam into one's life, but what you are entering into a different world.
 
For instance, for Muslims in many cultures men and women lead very different lives, often separate ones. Men and women are not just 'friends.' Social events can be separate etc. And yet I visited my uncle and my aunt who is his 2nd wife. Her children were there and grand-kids. All of us sat at a table. It can be hard to intergrate past and present lives..relationships etc.
 
We also do not have the built in support network among Muslims through relatives. I know so many people with cousins and cousins who are of course Muslim. Making new friends among these networks is very daunting. Most people live within their spheres.. which tends to be family. Which is fine. When you are an 'outsider' the network is not there. You MAY gain it by marriage.. but still you are often separated by many factors such as language.
 
And when you are an 'outsider' to a group you don't even know when and how to begin. People are busy with their own lives-tpyically their own familes.. where does a nonrelative like ourselves belong?
 
I would guess.. only a guess.. that if I and a sister from say Middle East or Pakistan went to a masjid not knowing anyone, that the other sister-a born Muslim from a similar culture would fit in far more quickly than I or any revert sister. Its just the way people are.. 


Edited by Hayfa - 16 April 2009 at 6:12pm
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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mariyah
 
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Quote mariyah Replybullet Posted: 15 April 2009 at 1:04pm

Asalaamu alaikum wa rathmatullahi wa baraktuhu

Hey I hear this same complaint often in our revert sister's support group. Often it is the born muslimahs that are reluctant to give the salaams to a revert because they just cannot figure it out. Just as many of our immigrant sisters think it is alright to carry on during the khutba so loudly that no one else can hear. I have given the class in muslim manners at the masjid but the ones that really need it are the immigrant sisses..they didnt usually attend the nasjid back home because Islam was everywhere back where they came from. Give your salaams as you are required, but they are missing out on the blessings if they do not answer back. they will account for it, not you. Keep yourselves accountable!Heart
"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
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Shasta'sAunt
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Quote Shasta'sAunt Replybullet Posted: 15 April 2009 at 2:56pm
Salaams Sis Hayfa:
 
I have noticed this problem here. When I lived in Tennessee this was not a problem at all. When I reverted to Islam I was one of the few single sisters but everyone there made me welcome and invited into their families. I remember the first time I went to the mosque. I was surrounded by women who asked me a hundred questions and sat by me the entire time. One of them became one of my best friends who I love with all of my heart. Her house became like my house and I was and still am always welcome. It is because of this group of loving women that I embraced Islam so wholeheartedly.
If I had accepted Islam in Texas perhaps I would have a very different view of it now. I have not found that sense of community here, nor anything close to that type of welcome. But Al HamdilAllah because of my very positive experience before I know that not all communities are like this.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
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Zaharah
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Quote Zaharah Replybullet Posted: 15 April 2009 at 4:31pm

Salaams, sister Hayfa

Thanks again for  your input.  This was needed here in the forum so that we may be aware and to keep mindful of what we do.  I very much aware of the different cultures and language barriers.  I myself am a revert, please read some about me on the forum "She took Shahada"  it's about my mother and me growing up christian and teaching the gospel as a licensed minister. BUT..  Like i said before, we all know the universal greeting.  These sisters here in Atlanta will look at you in your eyes while you extend the greeting and then turn their heads or the give you a look like something stinks.  It is very upsetting to me.  It's like you revert to the truth, but you have these sisters making you feel as if your still worshiping what you reverted from.

May Allah have mercy on us and forgive us, Insha AllahCry
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Zaharah
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Quote Zaharah Replybullet Posted: 15 April 2009 at 4:46pm
Wa Alaikum As Salam sister Mariyah,
Welcome to the forum and thanks so much for your imput. You are very wise and I pray that Allah raise you rank in everything you do for the cause of truth.
I wanted to post this in the forum because i happens to me on the average of 3 to 4 times a week.  It has happened also in the Masjid.  It just makes my heartBroken%20Heart when i get this reaction.  I thank Allah for his mercy that im not weak minded because i truly believe a couple of years ago I would have ask them what their problem was.  Thank God for finding me LOL
 Allah be praised.
I do have a sister that is from another  muslim country
and she tells me that it's really bad there because they don't follow most of the customs and lawsShocked
God help us
Zaharah
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Zaharah
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Quote Zaharah Replybullet Posted: 15 April 2009 at 4:48pm
Please VOTE on the poll in the general discussion forum or here will do....Thanks everyone for your inputHug
Zaharah
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