Active TopicsActive Topics  Display List of Forum MembersMemberlist  CalendarCalendar  Search The ForumSearch  HelpHelp
  RegisterRegister  LoginLogin  Old ForumOld Forum  Twitter  Facebook
Advertisement:
         

Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
Message Icon Topic: marriage@ibadat Post Reply Post New Topic
Author Message
naziatabassum
 
Starter
Starter
Avatar

Joined: 24 February 2009
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3
Quote naziatabassum Replybullet Topic: marriage@ibadat
    Posted: 24 February 2009 at 11:20pm
assalamalaikum everyone i m a new user i need a help or may be ans to some of my Q i am confused in everyway.I am married for past 5 yrs i never wanted to marry ths person but married him just because of my parents sake but after marriage i have tried my level best but cant make my husband happpy i am always in a bad mood n very rude to him he is a polite man loves me sometimes get irritated with me but not his fault all is mine i know i want to be googd to him but cant i have read in an article tht women nott obeying husband is doing sin n her prayers r also not accepted ths has made me more upset n now i m going away frm namaz also as i think when i cannot do googd to my husband allah wont accept any of my ibadat is ths my fault tht i was forced to marry him n now forced to keep him happy dnt i have my life why i cant spend my life only doing ibadat why has allah connected marraige with ibadat can any one help me to get out of ths n ans me appropriate ans.
IP IP Logged
Hayfa
Female  Islam
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 07 June 2005
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2370
Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 25 February 2009 at 6:43am

Asalam Alaikum,

 

Welcome to the Forum sis..

 

1. What about him do you not like?

 

2. Why did your parents want you to marry him?

 

3. Why in general are you rude to him? We should not be rude to anyone in general whether a family member, husband or stranger.

 

4. Did he want to marry you or was he also "pressurized' to marry you?

 

It sort of sounds like you are upset and angry (maybe at your parents) to marry him and you are taking it out on him. I suspect he did not have alot of 'say' in the matter as well as you.

 

I would also add that this is a cultural thing that can happen when families put too much pressure on a woman or man to marry a specific person when they are really, truly against it.

 

Have you discussed this situation with your husband? What does he say regarding the marriage?

 

Have you discussed this with any of your family members?

 

My Duas are for you.

 

Hayfa

 
 
 
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
IP IP Logged
seekshidayath
Female Islam
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 26 March 2006
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3346
Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 25 February 2009 at 6:26pm
Originally posted by naziatabassum

assalamalaikum everyone i m a new user i need a help or may be ans to some of my Q i am confused in everyway.I am married for past 5 yrs i never wanted to marry ths person but married him just because of my parents sake but after marriage i have tried my level best but cant make my husband happpy i am always in a bad mood n very rude to him he is a polite man loves me sometimes get irritated with me but not his fault all is mine i know i want to be googd to him but cant i have read in an article tht women nott obeying husband is doing sin n her prayers r also not accepted ths has made me more upset n now i m going away frm namaz also as i think when i cannot do googd to my husband allah wont accept any of my ibadat is ths my fault tht i was forced to marry him n now forced to keep him happy dnt i have my life why i cant spend my life only doing ibadat why has allah connected marraige with ibadat can any one help me to get out of ths n ans me appropriate ans.
 
Walaikum Salam wa Rahmatullah,
 
I see you been into whisperings of satan. Yes, there was a mistake done earlier, that you cud not use your right to deny the proposal you dislike, but now i wish you to tell yourself that perhaps this is the person, Allah swt has selected for you. Continue your salah and other ibadahs. Don't get distracted by the whisperings of satan and stop them.
 
Oh sure ! you can spend your whole life in Ibadah, Its simple, just try to be obedient to Allah's command and thats it. Your life becomes an Ibadah. Just shed all those whisperings. Certainly, satan does n't want a couple to lead a peaceful life. You are fortunate to have such good husband. Keep thanking Allah swt and that shall help you come closer to him. Just tell yourself that Allah swt chooses the best for us. When Allah swt has destined this person in your life, then certainly, he is the best for you.
 
I wish you a very happy life. May Allah swt bestow you the happiness.
 
{Sister, its not easy for a woman to live single in a country like India. You can't face society, howmuch ever bold you are. So  please try to understand and thank the favours and bounties of Allah swt for whatever you have, its immense. InshaAllah by thanking Allah swt you shall feel satisfied with your life}
 
 


Edited by seekshidayath - 25 February 2009 at 6:33pm
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
IP IP Logged
leena
 
Starter
Starter
Avatar

Joined: 09 April 2009
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Quote leena Replybullet Posted: 09 April 2009 at 3:21am

Asalamualaikum w. w.

Sister, i am in a similar situation, i have been married for nearly 8 years now and i have one child.  My husband is very good to me and i try to be good to him but i know i am not doing my best.  i feel angry at him very easily but i try not to show this to him all the time.
it is very lonely to be in this situation and i know it is affecting  my health ...i try not to think about it as i don't have a choice as i must think about the welfare and happiness of my child. 
i feel betrayed by my parents and wished i had refused to have been forced at the time.. i do love them very much....Allah knows best..i did not have the courage back then.
i do not wish this on anyone and i pray those who are forced speak out sooner, they have an Allah given right to do so...It is even harder once many years are put in to a marriage to back out especially because more lives are involved.
I pray for you sister and can feel your pain and sadness...remember you are never alone and Allah the Most Merciful will help you and bring from this darkness good for you even though you can't see it now...Make your connections with Allah stronger...don't let shaytan deceive you it is up to Allah to accept and reject ibadat not for you to decide...and have full trust that Allah is Most Forgiving he will forgive you even if you don't forgive yourself.
Wasalam and take care of yourself.
 
IP IP Logged
Hayfa
Female  Islam
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 07 June 2005
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2370
Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 09 April 2009 at 2:35pm
Salaams Leena

Welcome to the forum, my duas are with you..

it is interesting when you don't feel this 'connection.' As a revert I do not need to worry about my parents approval or going against their wishes by marrying someone they want and I do not. Having met eligible men and knowing that we are not 'right' for each other I was able to turn away much more easily.

I often think that parents should, after investigation, to meet like 3-5 people.. like job interviews.. its so HARD to know if you only meet like 1.. You meet 5 and you get a range to see how you react. This is true even more so with women who lived in societies with little interaction with men.  If parents are set on 'one' its so hard for the daughter. Get 5 who meet criteria and then see what the daughter (or son) says.

My duas are with you.
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
IP IP Logged
savant
 Islam
Groupie
Groupie
Avatar

Joined: 14 February 2009
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 99
Quote savant Replybullet Posted: 09 April 2009 at 10:40pm

Originally posted by naziatabassum

but cant make my husband happpy i am always in a bad mood n very rude to him he is a polite man loves me sometimes get irritated with me but not his fault all is mine i know

 

Try to live balanced life. Chit chat is part of life until it becomes wrestling. In general and fair principal have respect and give respect; however if you do well without deed or return, it will be your greatness; It will be called as "Ikhlas - (only for sake of Allah)".

 

Hopefully you are not taking revenge from wrong person; actually unfair happened to you, and which your mind is not receiving yet; in return of that your behavior and attitude went reckless; it’s natural but need to control. Can you cannel this stress to some else work?

 

 

Originally posted by naziatabassum

nott obeying husband is doing sin n her prayers r also not accepted ths has made me more upset n now i m going away from namaz

 

No that’s not valid deduction from the saying "prayer is not accepted", what about other below Hadiths meanings

 

1 "any men who will say Fraz prayer in home (not going mosque) without any reason; his prayer will not be counted"

 

2. "Anybody who left prayer without reason becomes kafir"

 

Actually lesson and purpose of the above sayings is to put light on importance of the matter. Ulema named such hadith as something; forget that; will let you know later. Thanks to Ulema and their existence who explains that such said prayers are marked but definitely with less virtue.

 

Same is the case here you read "not obeying husband is doing sin n her prayers not accepted." so please do not miss your prayers or any FRAZ; these will be counted and will inshAllah strengthen you in this difficult time. Point to be noted that I am not favoring or discussing behavioral things with husband, my point is only about acceptance of prayer; forum seniors are already with you on this topic.

 

In fact this all life is “ibaadat” Regarding the word “yabodoon”  in below ayat Imam Ghazali said that this word contains ten things like Ibaadat(prayer),Social (Muasharati), Moral (Ikhlaqiat), Business (Muashiaat), Politics (Siasisaat), Personal, Zikaar, Ihsaan and etc. I will complete this list later. See prayer is only part.

Surah Zariat (The scatterers) Ayeh 56: "Va Ma Khalaghta Al gen val Ens Ella le yabodoon" (And I have not created the jinn and the men except that they should serve Me). 

وَمَا خَلَقۡتُ ٱلۡجِنَّ وَٱلۡإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعۡبُدُونِ
 
My prayers are with you. Things will be fine.
Never Give up
IP IP Logged
naziatabassum
 
Starter
Starter
Avatar

Joined: 24 February 2009
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3
Quote naziatabassum Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2009 at 6:14am
walekumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu it is very nise to see ur reply n thanks for ur support i have accepted or may be i should say allah has helped me to much extend to come out of it now i am trying my level best to give my best to ths marriage ,but sad to see tht there are many people out there who r in my condition but trust me allah will help u too get rid of ur problems  plz always remember me in ur duas nthnks agagin for giving ur preciou time to reply me take care allah hafiz.Smile
IP IP Logged
Pati
Female Christian
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 10 April 2009
Location: Spain
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 306
Quote Pati Replybullet Posted: 14 April 2009 at 2:13pm

Dear naziatabassum,

 
I am not muslim, but woman, and I can imagine the pain you should feel inside.
 
For me, the first thing that a couple should have is freedom to tell each other whatever they feell. My suggestion is just to open your heart to him, to tell him that you feel bad, and you need his help to improve in your marriage.
 
One of the reasons of the couples failure is that they get married before meeting each other, and after marriage they discover on the other one lot of things they don't like.
 
But you have to focus in that he is a good man, as you said. You have the chance to be open with him, to tell him why you are not happy and to tell him how you may be happier.
 
Sometimes, to spend more time together in a travel helps to become closer to each other. Why don't you suggest him to make a trip to any place for at least 2 weeks? Really, if you are keeping all these bad feelings inside you, both of you will have pain, and your families.
 
I wish you all the best in your life.
 
Kind regards
Patricia
IP IP Logged
Post Reply Post New Topic
Printable version Printable version

Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot create polls in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed herein contain positions and viewpoints that are not necessarily those of IslamiCity. This forum is offered to stimulate dialogue and discussion in our continuing mission of being an educational organization.
If there is any issue with any of the postings please email to icforum at islamicity.com or if you are a forum's member you can use the report button.

Note: The 99 names of Allah avatars are courtesy of www.arthafez.com

Advertisement:



Sponsored by:
Islamicity Membership Program:
IslamiCity Donation Program  http://www.islamicity.com/Donate
IslamiCity Arabic eLearning http://www.islamiCity.com/ArabAcademy
Complete Domain & Hosting Solutions www.icDomain.com
Home for Muslim Tunes www.icTunes.com
Islamic Video Collections www.islamiTV.com
IslamiCity Marriage Site www.icMarriage.com