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IslamicGirl91
 
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Quote IslamicGirl91 Replybullet Topic: Haram Love
    Posted: 27 August 2008 at 10:52pm
Assalam alaikum
 
I am 17 years of age and im inlove with a Brother of Islam. I converted about 2 months ago alhamdullah, but i feel it so hard for me. im from british background and no-one knows of my conversion, only a few muslims sisters. This boy knows of my conversion, and his mother knows about me, so does his father and brother. we meet secretly and talk about Islam and us being together. Its haram with these meetings and i fear Allah. Any words of advice?
 
thanks
 
salam
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thaniya
 
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Quote thaniya Replybullet Posted: 08 September 2008 at 11:07pm
Asalam aleikum IslamicGirl91, I hope this helps.
Sister, Islam is a gift from Allah that one has to be open about, not hide away. You should be proud that Allah has chosen you to become muslim amongst the millions and millions of people who are still in darkness, Allhamdulillah.
What I would advise you to do is to talk to your family (especially your parents) about Islam in general. Test the waters, what do they think about Islam? do you already have an idea? do you have a feeling of how they would react? Though we sometimes tend to think that parents will create havoc in some situations, but often you just need to give them the benefit of the doubt and open up to them. They want what is best for you and it's only normal if they freak out.
So test the waters, give them some facts about Islam, have your muslim friends over for lunch, ask them to invite you and your parents over to their home for dinner, let them meet muslim adults (that will get them to talk about their cultural differences, about their religious beliefs, their lifestyle...) show them that muslims aren't the 'monsters' they are painted out to be in the news... assure them that it is 'safe'.
Once you feel you've broken that iceberg, then sit them down and tell them about your conversion. Don't tell them anything about the muslim brother yet, save that for later, give them some time to absorb the information, the 'shock' before hitting them with another huge wave lol. Give them time, they will need it. If they really freak out, stay calm, no need to yell or anything, listen to what they have to say, but stay firm in your belief. A mature and calm attitude will help in showing them that you are serious about this and 'haven't been brainwashed', it's your decision and you will stick to it no matter what. With time they will accept it. Just keep reassuring them, show them how Islam has changed your life (am sure it has made a huge positive impact on you), show them what Islam has to offer.
As for the muslim brother, are you talking about marriage? is he serious about you? if that is the case, after a while (when the coast is clear and your parents feel comfortable with your conversion) you should present him to them and have all parents from both sides meet. Meanwhile, it is unlawful for you to be meeting him in secret (it's good you recognize that), at least have your friends around you when you do (am not encouraging you to meet him, it's just I know being 17 and all you will anyway).
I don't know does this help in any way? Inshallah put your faith in Allah, be firm in your belief and it will work out fine.
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 17 September 2008 at 10:24pm

As'sallamualaikum sister,

Secret meetings with an unrelated male, even if it be to 'discuss islam' , are highly frowned upon by Islam.

If you two really want to be together, pl talk to your parents about a possible Nikah/Marriage in the near future. And really contemplate upon the issue.

If you both wish to discuss any future chances at marriage, it should not be done so during secret meetings, but in the presence of your guardians/parents. . .

Its probably just an infatuation or a crush, so try and deal with it, rather than furthur contemplate things by secret rendezvous. . . Also, just a word of caution sister, even though it is JUST AS wrong for the male in question to have a romantic affair out of wedlock, often, females are the ones that society frowns upon . . . hence I would urge you out of sincerity to watch your back, and keep in mind that there is a huge possibility that the boy's parents will not like you.
 
Sorry to be so blunt, but I did not want to beat around the bush. I would not even reccommend having 'friends' around and confiding in them, friends often aggravate the issue and gossip, and may not have your best interests at heart. Also, rather than acting as your conscience, they will probably tell you its okay, and part of bieng a teen, and that love conquers all etc. . . .
 
I also want to point out, that in such romances, unfortunately girls are the ones that usually go through the most emotions and heartbreaks. . . so please dont take that path. Because get real, at 17, do you really see yourself married to him at 50? It will all blow over within an year or two. And a romantic relationship, that does not have the possibility to blossom into something stable i.e. marriage, is a useless and trivial pursuit. If not you, it will be your beloved that will want to part ways.
 
The best advice I can tell you is to pray to Allah and try and be practical about things, I know its a hard age, and a hard time. . . but with Allah's help you found the Truth, insha'allah you will pull through this one as well. Be strong.
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Quote believer Replybullet Posted: 18 September 2008 at 8:34am
If they are just meeting and talking about Islam I don't understand the issue. 
 
Can a female only learn about Islam from another woman and men from other men?
John 3
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 18 September 2008 at 9:52am
Originally posted by believer

If they are just meeting and talking about Islam I don't understand the issue. 
 
Can a female only learn about Islam from another woman and men from other men?
 
If they are just meeting and talking about Islam, why the need for secret meetings? Didnt u read the entire post? This young lady is in love with the boy. . . hence all the more important for her not to indulge in private talks, because there is a strong chance of going astray.
Islam does not like romantic liasons outside marriage. To love someone is another thing, and cannot be helped. . . and Allah will not hold us accountable for loving someone. But our actions, and how we deal with love can be helped.
 
Islam does not restrict the learning of knowledge from either gender. The teacher can be male OR female and may teach to either gender, as long as hijab of both genders is not compromised.
 
This case does not apply to teaching in Islam, because it is very obvious that the people in question are teens, who are not 'teaching' or 'learning' - but are in love. Just because they mentioned they discuss Islam during thier meetings does not make it halal or okay.
 
 
 
 
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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fais
 
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Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 07 October 2009 at 8:40am

Salam sister,

May your faith in islam become strong and you be come a true muslim,dont just be muslim cuase this boy be a muslim for your creator allah.hope your problem will be solved.
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