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Groups – Men (Brothers)
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Groups – Men (Brothers)
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Khadija1021
 
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Quote Khadija1021 Replybullet Posted: 02 July 2005 at 5:53pm

Assalamu Alaikum,

Arabian, first, I'm an American woman from the US and I don't find your attitude towards woman attractive at all.  Nor do I consider kindness as a weakness in men.  In fact, I find the Islamic attitude toward men, woman and their partnership to be most glorious.  I want to be married someday to a good, pious Islamic man...and no, not an arranged married.  I know that if he is pious, not only will he be kind to me, he will help me in my path to Allah (swt), he will provide for me and he will also help me achieve sexual satisfaction.  It is a misnomer to believe that because someone is Muslim that they will have a passionless marriage.  If both partners are pious, they will love one another and give each what they need in all areas of life.  This does not mean that all Muslim marriages achieve this, but that is not the fault of Islam.  Islam protects these things, it is cultures and traditions that get in the way and cause marriages to fall short of what Allah (swt) ordained for them.

Second, you said, "I truly believed she was sent to stop my wicked ways."  What you overlook is that there is only one that can do that for you, Allah (swt).  If you want to stop your wicked ways, and I do believe that your ways are wicked, then you must submit your will to Allah (swt).  Until you are able to do that, you will continue on that path.  And if you do, it is recorded in the Qur'an what you will get on the Day of Judgment.  I know that you like sex, but I fear the kind of sex you will get in hell won't be of your liking.

Third, I once heard a man say that a real man is one that can put all of his efforts into loving one woman.  He said that the easy way out was dating many because you never had to be serious or committed.  So, maybe your actions are a mere from of escapism.  You may say, “Well, then Islam doesn't allow for real men because it allows for more than one wife.”  But even in Islam when a man takes more than one wife, he is obligated to provide for all of their needs and to do so justly.  Taking another wife doesn’t allow him to sidestep any of his Islamic responsibilities.   In fact, only a few Muslim men are truly able to fulfill the requirements of having more than one wife.  Note, Allah (swt) give men this right in order to provide for society in times of crisis, not to simply use women in the same way a dog would use a bitch (i.e., a female dog).

Forth, it is unjust for you to bring up the issue of mu'ta marriages and attribute that kind of behavior to Islam.  Even if mu'ta marriages were legal at one time in Islamic history the situation in which it was approved was not simply so that Muslimic men could "play the field."  It was a situation of war when men were many months away from their families.  It was sanctioned as a means to keep them from committing adultery and from treating the female captives in harmful ways.  I don't know of any time in Islamic history that mu'ta marriages were sanctioned other than for that purpose.  And, once the days of heavy battle were over, mu'ta marriages were made illegal.  Just because there is a group of Muslims that still carry out this practice does not mean that it is lawful or that it is currently an Islamic right.

Fifth, you attitude and behaviors toward women is exactly why Allah (swt) gave us hijabb…Allahu Akbar.

PAZ (peace)



Edited by Khadija1021
Say: 'My prayer and my rites, my living and my dying, are for Allah alone, the Lord of all the worlds. (Qur'an, 6:162)
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amna_ali
 
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Quote amna_ali Replybullet Posted: 02 July 2005 at 11:39pm

Asslamuaikum

Very apt analysis Khadija.

Ma Salaam

Kind words and the covering of faults are better than charity followed by injury. God is free of all wants and He is most forebearing. (Al baqra: 263)
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AhmadJoyia
 
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Quote AhmadJoyia Replybullet Posted: 03 July 2005 at 4:48am
Originally posted by Arabian

Brother Ahmad,

.................

I agree that their is more than sex, but at this point in my life, I am not looking for anything more than sex.  ...................................
Peace,
Arabian

So, my dear brother Arabian, your comments on the topic of this thread are little naive when you say "

These male attributes are indeed essential towards the Muslim man living in a Muslim community.  However, in my own community, where arranged marriage is not an option, following these qualities will doom you to failure."

I can understand having a Muslim wife, or a wife that has been raised around Muslim communities, as to why being ‘kind’ is accepted, but I have found that in my community, with my experience with women, that women see kindness as a weakness in a man.  Instead I have found that women are more attracted to the man who is aloof, careless, arrogant, and wild in nature."

Your encounter with the women is extremely limited and narrow. One can't have sound analysis with such an experience to comment upon the life of a married person, especially from a Muslim's perspective.

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Quote Arabian Replybullet Posted: 03 July 2005 at 8:52am
- Edited by Arabian -

I will re-write this post.



Edited by Arabian
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Suleyman
 
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Quote Suleyman Replybullet Posted: 03 July 2005 at 8:59am

no!..no!...no!...so wrong examples and comments...big waste and sin...Subhan'Allah...

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Arabian
 
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Quote Arabian Replybullet Posted: 03 July 2005 at 9:09am

MOCKBA,

Thank you for your sound advice.  I appreciate your concern, but I don’t think I will condition myself to view women as sisters or future mothers.  I agree, that would be very effective, but it would be very awkward.

Lameese,

You have to really want to change. That is the only way you will change.

You hit the nail on the head.  The only way to change is to want to change.  Maybe I am not ready to change?  You know, a few years back, before I started all of this, a close friend approached me (he is about 8 years older than me).  He told me to pray rik’atan to Allah to take this away from me.  He began to tell me about his wonderful pious marriage to an American woman who he converted to Islam (by will of Allah).  I told him he was right, but I didn’t listen to him.  I didn’t want this to go away; I wanted to indulge in it, and I did.  It was a mixture of hate and lust but it was powerful.  Every time I tell myself that it is time to quit, something always comes back up and drags me back down.

Ali,

Read my above post.

AhmadJoyia,

I was commenting on the unmarried women; however that is not to say that married women are not attracted to those qualities as well.  Also, not all women are the same, some women find my ways unattractive.

Peace,
Arabian

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Arabian
 
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Quote Arabian Replybullet Posted: 03 July 2005 at 9:14am
Suleyman,

You know you're my bro right?  I love you man.

I know there are some 'good' women out there, but I don't want to have to resort to ICMarriage to find them.  My cousin found a wonderful woman, like him (sexually), to marry and has had a great marriage so far, why can't I do the same?
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Suleyman
 
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Quote Suleyman Replybullet Posted: 03 July 2005 at 9:19am

Originally posted by Arabian

Suleyman,

You know you're my bro right?  I love you man.

I know there are some 'good' women out there, but I don't want to have to resort to ICMarriage to find them.  My cousin found a wonderful woman, like him (sexually), to marry and has had a great marriage so far, why can't I do the same?

 Right Arabian,but if u will tell ur experiences with out making the generalization then it should be more good for us...i am out side the discussions, the decision is between u and the rules of the board...wa salaam..

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